Top 96 Roommate Quotes
#1. Hey, Venus, I have two words for you,' Aphrodite said.
Venus hesitated and glanced over her shoulder at her ex-roommate. Aphrodite smiled her best mean-bitch sneer and said, 'Re. Bound.' She paused and gave a bithy smirk and then said, 'Good luck with that.
P.C. Cast
#2. When I get high anxiety, I vomit. My mom was so stressed out. Then I found out I was staying in John Mayer's old dorm room, and I had a nice roommate. That completely brought me down. I was completely comfortable at Berklee.
Charlie Puth
#3. I've never really lived with somebody. Only for very brief periods. I learned I'm not a good roommate. I'm better off when we visit each other. I like the mystery.
Marlon Wayans
#4. I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.
Jon Stewart
#5. My roommate at Yale University introduced me to the auteur theory of filmmaking. I soon became a big fan of the works of John Ford, Kenji Mizoguchi, Ernst Lubitsch, and Stan Brakhage. I then decided to make my own films!
Lloyd Kaufman
#6. Having a teenager is like having a really, really shitty roommate. They eat all your food and steal your clothes and take money out of your purse and borrow your car without asking.
Karin Slaughter
#7. Before Clary could respond, Jace's eyes slid open. He looked up at the warlock, dazzled and dizzy. "What are you doing here?"
Magnus grinned down at Jace, and his teeth sparkled like sharpened diamonds.
"Hey roommate," he said.
-pg. 128-
Cassandra Clare
#8. Between me and my roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs.
Bob Uecker
#9. Rose scowled. 'I should be the one staying. I should be Jill's roommate. No offense, Sydney. We need you for the paperwork, but I'm the one who's gotta kick anyone's ass who gives Jill trouble.
Richelle Mead
#11. The Colonel explained to me that 1. this was Alaska's room, and that 2. she had a single room because the girl who was supposed to be her roommate got kicked out at the end of last year, and that 3. Alaska had cigarettes, although the Colonel neglected to ask whether 4. I smoked, which 5. I didn't.
John Green
#12. After about a month of living on my own, I began to feel it. I bought some plants. I remember I named one of them Penelope, and I would talk to her and water her every day. Apparently, I over-watered her, and she died. That's when I knew I needed a roommate. So I got one.
Kristy Swanson
#13. My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
Mitch Hedberg
#14. I worked for a charity for a while, but ... well, I started acting while I was in high school. I kind of just got lucky enough to live at my parents' house until I was actually making enough money to be somebody's roommate.
Shannon Woodward
#15. Get your product in front of actual, living, breathing strangers. Your college roommate's approval does not mean there's market demand.
Kathryn Minshew
#16. Rich people never go to war. You ask a college kid to go to war, and he's like, 'Umm, I'm taking this sociology class, and I think war is, like, really stupid, and my roommate's, like, half Afghani, so it's going to cause some static.'
Bill Burr
#17. Chris Boardman was my first teammate and my first roommate. I saw him finish his career with an hour record and thought, 'Yeh, what a way to go out!'
Jens Voigt
#18. I liked watching myself on TV. My first job was hosting the 'Roommate Game'.
Dave Annable
#19. If you lived with a roommate as unstable as capitalism ...
Richard D. Wolff
#20. I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.
Mitch Hedberg
#21. Me and my roommate wrote and directed a little short comedy called 'The Elevator.'
Heather Morris
#22. Ridge: Our other roommate has an issue with alcohol, so we have to hide it from him.
Me: Is his issue that he hates it?
Ridge: His issue is that he doesn't like to pay for it himself and he drinks everyone else's.
Colleen Hoover
#23. Simon rolled his eyes. Apparently, all Shadowhunter dudes were underwear models, including his new roommate. His life was a joke. Julie seemed
Cassandra Clare
#24. Also, he had the kind of mustache a college roommate of hers used to say looked like it had crawled up to find a warm spot to die.
Lorrie Moore
#25. Both: "There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is ..."
Galinda: "Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe."
Elphaba: "... Blonde.
Stephen Schwartz
#26. Cooper was my road roommate, and also happened to be the first African American player drafted by a National Basketball Association team.
Bob Cousy
#27. Called her a whore and attacked her walls, tearing down her posters and throwing her books everywhere. I found out because some whitegirl ran up and said, Excuse me, but your stupid roommate is going insane, and I had to bolt upstairs and put him in a headlock.
Junot Diaz
#28. I'm only sleeping on your couch because my boyfriend of two years decided it would be fun to screw my roommate and I really didn't want to stick around to watch.
Colleen Hoover
#29. Butch put his hand on his roommate's nape and murmured, I'll do the saving until you get your head back, how about that? I'll keep you safe.
J.R. Ward
#30. Miami Beach - that's where I grew up, in a middle-class Jewish family led by my maternal grandfather. Me, my great-grandmother - a Holocaust survivor, who was my roommate - my grandparents, my mom and her brother all shared a four-bedroom house.
Brett Ratner
#31. The qualities we appreciate in a character are not the same as those we would look for in a college roommate.
Margaret Atwood
#32. There are enough negative forces in this world - don't let the pessimistic voice that lives inside you get away with that stuff, too. That voice is NOT a good roommate.
Felicia Day
#33. I lived with Ilana Glazer of 'Broad City.' She was my roommate for a year and a half. I was living with her just as she was creating and filming 'Broad City.' Both of us, and a lot of my friends, come from the Upright Citizens Brigade theater either in New York or L.A.
Rachel Bloom
#34. Joe Dugan, who was my roommate on the Yankees, was an honorary pallbearer, too. He was standing next to me as they were carrying the Babe down the steps of St. Pat's Cathedral here in New York. There must have been 5,000 people standing around on the sides of the street, and it was tremendous.
Waite Hoyt
#35. You marry your friends when you stay with your friends. It's hard enough to find a good roommate, let alone a good person you can live with and fall in love with at the same time. You might as well just take your roommate, if you can find one, and marry them.
Ariel Pink
#36. I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open ... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
J. B. Smoove
#37. When I hear homestyle, I always think of some guy in his underwear standing next to a microwave. You want me to nuke a hot dog for ya? I got some old Chinese in the fridge, but I think it's my roommate's.
Jim Gaffigan
#38. On top of lumpy tufts of valley grass. A semitruck roared by without pause; the Camaro rocked in its wake. On the other end of the phone, his roommate Ronan Lynch replied,
Maggie Stiefvater
#39. No," I said and smiled. "I just happen to like the taste of that particular grape." "Oh?" "Yeah. I think chardonnays are too oaky and heavy and German wines are too sweet. But if my roommate and I are sharing a bottle of something, it's usually on sale
Dorothea Benton Frank
#40. How did I get here? We're Three's Company. Spencer is airhead Chrissy, Ford is intellectual Janet, and I'm pretending to be gay so I don't notice that you two are roommate eye-candy.
J.A. Huss
#42. While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"
Steven Wright
#43. My roommate's not suicidal
But it sounds sexier than saying
that she closes her eyes sometimes
when she's changing lanes.
Chad Anderson
#44. Suddenly,I could picture Tinker on the back of a horse somewhere: at the edge of the treeline under a towering sky ... at his college roommate's ranch, perhaps ... where rhey hunted deer with antique rifles and with dogs that were better bred than me.
Amor Towles
#45. My students often say, 'My roommate read this story and really liked it,' and it's hard to convince them that there are things wrong with it. I say, 'Well, people who love you want you to be happy. But I'm your professor and I'm supposed to be teaching you something.'
Joyce Carol Oates
#46. My daughter MacKenzie is so important to me. I have a tattoo on my arm for her. My roommate gave me the name for her.
Mike Evans
#47. Every player had a roommate for out-of-town games, so I had to slip into the bathroom early each morning and secretly take my insulin injection. I feared that if the Cubs found out and I slumped badly, they would attribute it to the diabetes and send me back to the minors - or worse, release me.
Ron Santo
#48. Well, you're my roommate. You've smoked my pot. That makes us bros. It's not really anything crazy, though. We just meet a couple times a week and fuck." "Just sex? You don't talk or anything? Or hang out?" "We usually smoke a bowl, fuck,
Jasinda Wilder
#49. When I was in school, my former roommate went through hazing. I heard the stories, but I don't think I've seen a movie that captures the stuff that goes on.
Nick Jonas
#50. I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks.
Joan Walsh Anglund
#51. My roommate knocks on my door and I try not to move.
My heart is beating fast.
He knocks again and then leaves.
I win.
This is but one of the many victories I have exampled as a human among humans.
I have no equals.
My strength is unmatched.
Sam Pink
#52. My wife and I met when each of us was dragged to a party we didn't want to go to by friends. I was coming off a bad injury, but my roommate insisted I get out of the house and be around people. God love our friends; we've been together 20 years now!
Michael Chiklis
#53. Vengeance was one hell of a roommate.
J.R. Ward
#54. I had this roommate in college who would get up almost 2 hours before class to do hair and makeup. That's not for me.
Kim Raver
#55. Twice I'd come home as they were finishing, and, honestly, I cannot think of a lonelier sound on a Saturday night than one's roommate having a giant orgasm and then making an embarrassed sssh sound, realizing that maybe through her pleasure she'd heard the front door open and close.
Aimee Bender
#56. Calling her mother who didn't seem particularly worried, but claimed she had no idea," Jett said. "The roommate's gone with her, so I can only
J.C. Reed
#57. I used to arm wrestle my roommate in college. Based on that, I'm in pretty good shape.
Dasha Zhukova
#58. My roommate is a 240-pound homicidal hermit. For dinner he's fixing me a dead fox he scraped off the highway near Ponchatoula, and after that we're taking a leaky tin boat out on a windy lake to spy on some semi-retarded fishermen. Don't you wish you were here?
Carl Hiaasen
#59. And thus I wonder about so many gay men I've met since, pillars of the community, out to everyone else but Mom, who still refer to their lovers as something between a roommate and a valet. Just who is being protected here, and who thinks queer is wrong?
Paul Monette
#60. In a first pregnancy, you don't have a child yet, so you can nap and see movies and exercise. The notion of 'baby' is abstract. You look at the ultrasound and don't really understand that the creature you're seeing is soon going to be your roommate.
Kelli Williams
#61. A good roommate may be the single most important thing to have when one is away at school.
Barbara Dana
#62. Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate.
Anne Lamott
#63. I gained the weight on purpose for 'Little Nicky,' and it was one of those cases where I'd done a few roles where I looked the same way, and I wanted to be the roommate because I thought that was the funniest part for me.
Allen Covert
#64. You remember my roommate, Brad, right?"
Since he made a nightly appearance in my dreams and was plastered all over my computer screen at home, yeah, I remembered him.
Rachel Hawthorne
#65. She relived the frantic shopping and packing, the last teary gatherings with friends, the fear of a faceless roommate, the terror of academic failure. She also relived the excitement, because, in hindsight, going to college had been the single most pivotal point in her life.
Barbara Delinsky
#66. When 'Nevermind' came out, my roommate had the CD. At first, I actually thought, 'This is too polished and commercial.' It was a little off-putting. But then I was like, 'This is the best music ever.' It felt so close to what I wanted to do.
Rivers Cuomo
#67. And what else is she?" Jerome asked. Jazza didn't offer any reply so I chimed in with, "A bitchweasel?"
"A bitchweasel!" Jazza's face lit up. "She's a bitchweasel! I love my new roommate.
Maureen Johnson
#68. She wondered how Dr. Watson - a clever man in his own right - had lasted so many years without bashing his roommate over the head out of sheer frustration.
Emma Jane Holloway
#69. He tells about his Sudanese roommate at Georgetown who owned a prayer rug with a compass to find Mecca built right into it. "After a few weeks in America, he rolled it up and used the compass to go camping," Han says.
Diana Abu-Jaber
#70. My first college roommate greeted me with a shocked silence followed by, 'So ... you're black.'
Al Roker
#71. Before Simon could answer, he heard the sound of the front door opening. He looked daggers at Jace. "That's my roommate. Kyle. Be nice." Jace smiled charmingly. "I'm always nice.
Cassandra Clare
#72. Know you got a roommate, call me when it's no one there. Put the key under the mat and you know I'll be over there
Drake
#73. I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
#74. Was I really reading my roommate's journal behind his back? Of course I was.
Junot Diaz
#75. In Cincy, we're told how much Gatorade we could take home. In Houston, we get what we request. You get soap and deodorant at your request. You don't have a roommate on road trips.
Johnathan Joseph
#76. I am proud of having drawn the first comic about a lesbian - and it didn't even occur to me that I was drawing a first. I just wanted to tell the story of my roommate.
Trina Robbins
#77. The kind of roommate who greets me at the door, who makes me dinner, who would bring me coffee and bagels every single day of the week if I asked her to.
Mary Kubica
#78. I can't take living in this dorm," the voice on speaker says. "My roommate's a fruit loop dingus.
Colleen Hoover
#79. Oh. Now you are not so afraid, then?"
Kitty opened her mouth, indignant. "I was not afraid before! I was... shocked. How many times do you see your orphanage roommate be able to turn someone into stone?"
"Every time I look in the mirror.
Ana Franco
#80. Everyone has this universal understanding of roommate drama.
Leighton Meester
#81. There's no danger of me forgetting, but if you think the threat of a seven-foot-tall bear of a roommate is my only incentive for treating you well, maybe we should cancel dinner.
Skye Callahan
#82. I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
Mitch Hedberg
#83. Interesting" he said. "You know, Simon never mentioned that his roommate was a werewolf.
Cassandra Clare
#84. My roommate and my boyfriend, they both know I am compulsive and controlling.
Christina Ricci
#85. My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
#86. The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.
Nick Thune
#87. Not the letter again?" Simon's roommate at the Academy, George Lovelace, groaned. He flung himself down on his bed, sweeping an arm melodramatically across his forehead. "Oh, Isabelle, my darling, if I stare at this letter long enough, maybe I'll telepathically woo you back to my weeping bosom.
Cassandra Clare
#88. He isn't like us Low. You know that right."
I knew what Cage was saying. Marcus was out of my league. He didn't want me thinking there could ever be anything between me and his roommate. I was low class. Marcus was a rich kid.
"I'm not stupid Cage.
Abbi Glines
#89. I don't have any weird night rituals. I definitely am a ritualistic person ... I like to go downstairs and remind my roommate-drummer not to practice early the next morning, so I can sleep in.
Charlie Worsham
#90. He told his roommate that when he was writing, I can't feel my ass in the chair.
D.T. Max
#91. Natto, Japanese ferment bean paste, will never cross my lips again. Spam Musubi, on the other hand, is something I love. I used to have a roommate of Vietnamese descent, and he would eat it all the time. It looked gross, but I finally had it - wrapped in seaweed and rice - it was terrific.
Adam Richman
#92. Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates ... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
#93. She thought I could find a way to save her soul when she died and became an undead. Right now, I was just looking to find the rent money. I'd get to my roommate's soul later.
Kim Harrison
#94. There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room.
Thomm Quackenbush
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