Quotes About Death Humorous

#1. For a man to get married and stay married, he must detach from and disavow the three things that bind him to reality: sex, travel, and near-death experiences.

Brian D'Ambrosio

#2. But unless we determine to take action,' said the old man querulously, as if struggling against something deeply insouciant in his nature, 'then we shall all be destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?' 'Not enough to want to get killed over it,' said Ford.

Douglas Adams

#3. Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.

Brian Spellman

#4. Sent from my CrackBerry Intergalactic Kommunikator that doubles as an Illuvian Disruptor Death Ray.

Bob N. Boguslavski

#5. The closest I ever came to a near death experience was living in LA.

Deirdra Baldwin

#6. The baby, not too young to start knowing the ledge, the cold truth, the life-and-death facts of it all. 'What kind of heaven is that, you can't have your records?' The baby, understanding perhaps it was purely rhetorical, made no attempt to answer this question.

Michael Chabon

#7. Has there ever been an Inquisitor who didn't die a horrible death?" Simon wondered out loud. " It's like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Cassandra Clare

#8. This was the kack's cradle, icky-poo's bassinet. It was Death and Diarrhea, singing duet.

Jack Bunbury

#9. This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.

Erin Mitchell

#10. He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

Randy Glasbergen

#11. I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

#12. The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.

Dave Barry

#13. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Chuck Palahniuk

#14. If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath!

Stanley Victor Paskavich

#15. The real problem with stories - if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.

Neil Gaiman

#16. Well, it all started when I figured out that the janitor at my high school was the Angel of Death ...

Matt Ruff

#17. Awoke to find three vultures sitting on the fence. Realizing they were a portent of impending death I shot them.

Bridget Allison

#18. Invoking the name of Al Gaddafi cured my blue screen of death

Matt Ruff

#19. Oh, death in space was most humorous.

Ray Bradbury

#20. Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.

Victor J. Stenger

#21. I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

Ryan Lilly

#22. Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest.

William John Locke

#23. What happens," called out Max, "if you win?"
"We die anyway, but I become legend" I explained

Philip Palmer

#24. When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become.

Charles Dickens

#25. It's not what I'd want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie.

Neil Gaiman

#26. I sensed more than recognized the sound of those skeletal knuckles on the door. I was too young for it to be Death, so it had to be his mother.

Dan Skinner

#27. Everything is humorous," said Shorty, "except your own death. But other people will laugh.

Joe R. Lansdale

#28. Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Terry Pratchett

#29. Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."

George Carlin

#30. What if you never meet him?
Then I shall die an old maid, was the cheerful response. I daresay it isn't the hardest death by any means.
Oh, I suppose the dying would be easy enough, it's the living an old maid I shouldn't like, said Diana, with no intention of being humorous.

L.M. Montgomery

#31. The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights)

Warren Moore