Quotes About Airport Security

#1. I mean, if my phone is trying to kill me then that crazy X-ray machine at airport security is a straight-up assassin.

Amy Poehler

#2. Six imams removed from a US Airways flight from Minneapolis to Phoenix are calling on Muslims to boycott the airline. If only we could get Muslims to boycott all airlines, we could dispense with airport security altogether.

Ann Coulter

#3. There's a piece of lead where my heart should beat
Doctor said too dangerous to take out
You'd better just leave it be
Body grew back around it, a miracle, praise be
Now, if only I could get through airport security
bullet

Gayle Forman

#4. I'd like to fly. Then I wouldn't have to wait in airport security lines.

Jim Morris

#5. With existing technology, we can enforce airport security without sacrificing our personal privacy.

Tom Udall

#6. Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

Robin Williams

#7. We boarded the plane after boxing our stakes and knives and taking them to a FedEx carrier, airport security being so strict nowadays. In the section marked 'contents', Bones filled out 'Tofu'. God, but he had a sick sense of humor sometimes.

Jeaniene Frost

#8. There were precisely two groups of people who desperately wanted airport security to be browbeaten into giving suspicious passengers a pass: terrorists and Democrats.

Ann Coulter

#9. I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me.

Jay Leno

#10. Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he thought we were headed to Iraq.

Chelsea Handler

#11. I believe the public's confidence would be increased if the federal government took over the functions of airport security screening for all passengers.

David Neeleman

#12. Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

Dave Barry

#13. Airport security is a particular bugbear. At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man, while I can see that averting terrorism is manifestly important, the measures taken seem, simultaneously, absurd.

James Purefoy

#14. Gough never pretended to perfection or to sainthood - well, hardly ever. Although when he set off the metal detector at airport security, he would blame his aura.

William Faulkner

#15. A witticism in an airport security line is like a Swiss tap - turn it on, and you instantly find yourself in hot water.

Shashi Tharoor

#16. At the departure gate, a drunken airport security woman was handing out box cutters to the passengers.

Warren Ellis

#17. Sometimes airport security people recognize me. I'll go through the whole screening process and at the end they'll go, 'Hey, man, I really like your work.' That's so cool.

Reggie Watts

#18. I've done so many Lifetime movies; at this point, I'll be going through airport security, and the lady there will be like, 'I took the weekend off and I saw four of your movies.' And I say: 'You've been watching Lifetime, right?'

Linden Ashby

#19. Airport security exists to guard us against terrorist attacks.

Salman Rushdie

#20. I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather ... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.

Lewis Black

#21. When we were scared about 9/11, we federalized the airport security, we spent millions for body armor for dogs in Ohio. All that over-reaction comes from fear and government - bad combination.

John Stossel

#22. I seethe at the humiliation of airport security checks.

Tom Hodgkinson

#23. Hunter already had some baggage, add my baggage on top of that and it'd be a recipe for pissing off airport security.

Anonymous

#24. Easter says that love is more powerful than death, bigger than the dark, bigger than cancer, bigger even than airport security lines.

Anne Lamott

#25. Don't touch my junk, you airport security goon
my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I'm a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?

Charles Krauthammer

#26. It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.

Doug Stanhope

#27. I drove her to the airport. She kissed me goodbye. She told me that she loved me more than life itself. Then she skipped through security. She never came back.

Gayle Forman

#28. Actually," Coursey lowered his voice an octave, "we've been informed by Homeland Security that three members of a subversive Brazilian band went through Customs at O'Hare Airport eleven days ago.

J.A. Konrath

#29. I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through any European or Middle Eastern airport and things are a lot tougher.

Richard Drew

#30. The front line with ISIS isn't just in Iraq and Syria, it's in Kennedy Airport and the Rio Grande. Border security is national security.

Ted Cruz

#31. One of the things that Jessie liked about the heightened security surrounding airplane travel was the fact that you didn't have to sit around the airport making polite conversation until flights were called.

Joan Klengler

#32. We put people of concern on the watch list or the no-fly list, so we have a number of layers of security beyond the airport checkpoint. We gather as much information about a passenger as the law allows without profiling.

John Pistole

#33. Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace.

Jenny Lawson

#34. I feel gigantic affection for all of Homeland Security at airports.

Jeff Perry

#35. The TSA's airport body scanners have been shown to be so ineffective, the Homeland Security chairman suggested using traditional metal detectors. While LaGuardia will continue to just have a scarecrow dressed as a cop.

Jimmy Fallon

#36. IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF THIS VEHICLE ("THE OBJECT") UNTIL YOU ARE .5 MILES FROM THE SECURITY PERIMETER OF JOHN F. KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. BY READING THIS SIGN YOU HAVE DENIED EXISTENCE OF THE OBJECT AND IMPLIED CONSENT.

Gary Shteyngart

#37. Oh my God, Kennedy Airport - what a mess - all over you with those dopey security questions. 'Did you receive any gifts from any unknown persons?' Buddy, the last thing I got from an unknown person was in the 80's.

Carol Leifer

#38. When the Transportation Security Administration adopted body scanners at airports, activists wrote the Fourth Amendment on their underwear in metallic paint readable by the new devices.

Dana Priest