Mean Jokes Quotes

#1. I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash.

Ellen DeGeneres

#2. And there's so much extra material. I mean, I've certainly read as you asked about do I read reviews and stuff, like people are like none of the jokes in the trailers are like in the movie. And it's like and we have whole sequences and scenes that weren't in the movie.

Nicholas Stoller

#3. A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.

Dave Attell

#4. I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

David Cross

#5. I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.

Noel Fielding

#6. Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

Jimmy Fallon

#7. I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad.

Megan Amram

#8. We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".

Mitch Hedberg

#9. But I love to drink. I can't help it. I mean, I love it Bryson-love the taste, love that buzz you get when you've had a couple, love the smell and feel of the taverns. I miss dirty jokes and the click of pool balls in the background, and that kind of bluish, under lit glow of a bar at night.

Bill Bryson

#10. It's Elvish," Tummeler repeated. "It says, basically, 'Declare allegiance, and be welcomed."
"Well, doesn't it perhaps mean that the magic word that opens the door is 'allegiance'?" Said Jack. "In Elvish?"
"That's a stupid idea," said John. "Then anyone who spoke Elvish could get in.

James A. Owen

#11. I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me.

David Letterman

#12. I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know, if you make jokes about them, or I think because it means they're known.

Jennifer Saunders

#13. You know that's not what I mean! I just ... I don't know what to do with men. I get nervous. I make too many jokes. I act like a kid sister instead of their fantasy sex machine.

Victoria Dahl

#14. I sing songs from the theater and pop songs. When I say 'pop songs,' I mean from the 90's. And I tell jokes. So it's sort of a stand up show meets a concert - not your traditional lounging across a piano cabaret show. It's much looser.

Laura Benanti

#15. Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do.

John Lloyd

#16. I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well.

John Hodgman

#17. I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

Steve Harvey

#18. Does your license plate mean something?" Bing asked. "En-o-ess-four-a-two?"
"Nosferatu," the man Charlie Manx said.
"Nosfer-what-who?"
Manx said, "It is one of my little jokes. My first wife once accused me of being a Nosferatu. She did not use that exact word, but close enough.

Joe Hill

#19. You mean like, if a hybrid drinks from a shifter in the middle of the woods, did it really happen?"
He moved closer until he was peering down at her. "What happens in the woods, stays in the woods.

Marie Johnston

#20. I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

Daniel Radcliffe

#21. I definitely am a performer, and there are different styles of stand-up; I mean, some people are writers and they get onstage to get jokes out, and that's definitely not what I do. I like to just go up and, if I'm telling a story about someone, I'll play his or her part.

Chris D'Elia

#22. Cuteness in code often appears in the form of colloquialisms or slang. For example, don't use the name whack() to mean kill(). Don't tell little culture-dependent jokes like eatMyShorts() to mean abort().
Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Robert C. Martin

#23. You seem cynical because you're always talking about that selfish behavior that's dressed up as altruism. It doesn't mean there isn't altruism. It just means that it's harder to make jokes about altruism.

Stephen Colbert

#24. Kit gave the Pig a look. "Oh, come on! The Powers..." His voice trailed off as the Pig gave him the same look right back. "I mean, the One... wouldn't play jokes--"

"Wouldn't It?" said the Transcendent Pig. "Been out in the real world lately?

Diane Duane

#25. Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Jackson Browne

#26. You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.

Hari Kondabolu

#27. And keep a sense of humor. It doesn't mean you have to tell jokes. If you can't think of anything else, when you're my age, take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee you'll get a laugh.

Art Linkletter

#28. I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don't attack anyone. I know I often fall short of that and end up taking unfair swipes at people, but I try not to.

Simon Rich

#29. I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same.

Tabitha Suzuma

#30. Words could betray you if you chose the wrong ones, or mean less if you used too many. Jokes could be grandly miscalculated, or stories deemed boring, and I'd learned early on that my sense of humor and ideas about what sorts of things were fascinating didn't exactly overlap with my friends'.

Robyn Schneider

#31. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.

Peter Matthiessen