Chris D'Elia Quotes

#1. No perfume. Because I want to know how you smell - right off the bat. Don't mask it up. I need to know how you smell because I need to know how we connect. A smell is a big thing. Pheromones. Don't cover that.

Chris D'Elia

#2. Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't need to do that.

Chris D'Elia

#3. A girl who pays attention is very cool. It's really hard to pay attention to someone. I understand. I get it. I get bored a lot when I'm talking to people, but I try. So I'd like for the girl to try, too.

Chris D'Elia

#4. Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in the business.

Chris D'Elia

#5. Every guy is different, but just prepare to know him in a different way and be OK with it, because the times I've lived with girls, and I've lived with some very sweet girls, I felt bad that they had to live with me.

Chris D'Elia

#6. Whitney Cummings is one of the hardest working people I know, and she's very motivated.

Chris D'Elia

#7. I definitely am a performer, and there are different styles of stand-up; I mean, some people are writers and they get onstage to get jokes out, and that's definitely not what I do. I like to just go up and, if I'm telling a story about someone, I'll play his or her part.

Chris D'Elia

#8. Being on 'Whitney' is a job, but stand-up is my life. I could never stop. There's an art to it. I love having strangers laugh with me, so as long as I can continue doing that, I'll be happy. Working on a show and collectively sharing ideas with a cast is great, but stand-up is my first love.

Chris D'Elia

#9. I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it's hard for me to write a joke where I don't end up on the ground for some reason. Hey, at least that way, I know no comics will steal my jokes. Too many bruises.

Chris D'Elia

#10. I would never say that I'm good at being on dates. I think I like to try to find a connection with somebody, like, that's my main thing. I think that maybe if you find a connection with a girl on a date, that's like the No. 1 thing, and then it's like, 'Cool, that was a great date.'

Chris D'Elia

#11. I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she wants to or when we want to, which sucks.

Chris D'Elia

#12. My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!

Chris D'Elia

#13. I'm a selfish person, and I'm going onstage to have a good time, and I'd love if you want to be a part of it. So if people don't get it, they're wrong. I think they're wrong, and I think they either don't want to have a good time or they just don't like my style.

Chris D'Elia