Let Me Sleep Funny Quotes

#1. Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist.

Laurie Notaro

#2. Relaxation and Recreation The most relaxing recreating forces are a healthy religion, sleep, music, and laughter. Have faith in God - learn to sleep well - Love good music - see the funny side of life - And health and happiness will be yours.

Dale Carnegie

#3. Big, funny men sometimes forget that their smaller mates have access to their unconscious bodies when they go to sleep. Sometimes you have to remind them of that.

Alanea Alder

#4. When they throw the water on the witch, she says, "Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness". That line inspired my life. I sometimes say it to myself before I go to sleep, like a prayer.

John Waters

#5. I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#6. I really think I'd be better at, like, advanced napping techniques.

Tui T. Sutherland

#7. Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me

Jon Ronson

#8. Grace headed in desperation for the coffeemaker. Apparently it was going to be one of those mornings. Funny how often those happened after a short night's sleep.

Thea Harrison

#9. I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.

Michael Summers

#10. Do you sleep in a coffin?" Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny.
"Of course not," he laughs loudly. "I sleep in a bed." A pause. "Would you like to see it?

L. H. Cosway

#11. Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don't feel bad. It happens all the time.

Robyn Carr

#12. It's so funny because you think you're attracted to this bad boy. They do whatever they want, but you don't really want that. You don't want someone who's out on a tour bus, sleeping around with different people and getting wasted.

Malin Akerman

#13. Did he teach you how to bore you opponents to sleep? Because I think I missed that lesson - Allie

Julie Kagawa

#14. I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn't figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren't so different after all.

Dora J. Arod

#15. How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

Jim Gaffigan

#16. I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed.

Bauvard

#17. Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you'd sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need?

Jayde Scott

#18. I say that I'm not into you like that, Camryn, because..," he pauses, searching my face, looking at my lips for a moment as if deciding whether or not he should kiss them again, " ... because you're not the girl I could only sleep with once.

J.A. Redmerski

#19. I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik's artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that's all fake heart and no brain is what's commonly called a "politician," and must be destroyed.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#20. Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.

Paul Reiser

#21. I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror.

Amy Summers

#22. I had a dream about you last night.
We moved into a cabin in the countryside.
I couldn't handle the spiders.
You couldn't handle my drama.
I moved back to the city.

Michael Summers

#23. I had a dream about you last night ... Well I say dream I mean nightmare ... you were a Yankee fan.

Nicole McKay

#24. So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work.

Joseph Bologna

#25. Shoes are funny beasts. You think they're just clothes, but really, they're alive. They want things. Fancy ones with gems want to go to balls, big boots want to go to work, slippers want to dance. Or sleep. Shoes make the path you're on. Change your shoes, change your path.

Catherynne M Valente

#26. Na Arean sat alone in space as a cloud that floats in nothingness. He slept not, for there was no sleep; he hungered not, for as yet there was no hunger. So he remained for a great while, until a thought came to his mind. He said to himself, I will make a thing.

Carl Sagan

#27. Of all the various unpleasant ways to be aroused from a sound sleep, one of the worst is the noise of a dragon and a unicorn playing tag. Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin

Robert Asprin

#28. America has become so tense and nervous it has been years since I have seen anyone sleep in church - and that is a sad situation.

Norman Vincent Peale

#29. I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people's nightmares.

Bauvard

#30. It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!?

Jeff Hirsch