Top 100 Last Week Quotes
#1. My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.
Rodney Dangerfield
#2. In corporate levels, it's all about tailoring your shirt and which tennis club you belong to and which watch you are wearing and what did you shoot last week?
Ron Livingston
#3. Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain ... details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss.
Jeaniene Frost
#4. I Google "five star hotels, new york city" and scroll through the list. The Surrey - nah, too fussy. The Peninsula - just looked at that one last week. Anything Trump - no, thanks, too overdone.
Kristan Higgins
#5. I have struggled with identity all my life. It's not like something that just happened last week.
Caitlyn Jenner
#6. Our bodies are our temples. They should have a little more respect for themselves than that."
"You know, I could have sworn I saw you shoveling Cheetos into your temple last week."
"Oh, but I'm pretty sure those were nonfat," Kaylee piped up.
Oh brother.
Gemma Halliday
#7. Rachel?" came Ivy's voice from her room. "Where's my sword?"
"In the foyer where you left it last week when the evangelists were canvassing the neighborhood
Kim Harrison
#8. The Mars Rover sent back stunning photos [last week] indicating the past presence of water. The pictures show tiny splotches of blue on the Red Planet. The other theory is that the satellite dish on the rover accidentally picked up CNN's election coverage.
Argus Hamilton
#9. Last week I was listening to a podcast on Hanselminutes, with Robert Martin talking about the SOLID principles ... they all sounded to me like extremely bureaucratic programming that came from the mind of somebody that has not written a lot of code, frankly.
Joel Spolsky
#10. Before I would view Rob Reiner as this really annoying pest. Every time he'd come on TV or talking about smoking, I found my blood pressure go up. I just met-really met Rob for the first time last week and told him how much I admire him. He's done more than anyone else in the industry.
Joe Eszterhas
#11. My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties ... welcome to my world.
Bill Engvall
#12. Is that your subtle way of saying you missed me last week?"
"I've missed my hot chocolate. I just think of you as the guy who brings it to me. Sometimes I forget your name and call you hot chocolate guy.
Kasie West
#13. This week or last week, I don't really care about it anymore. I write myself this later, I tell myself you let me go.
Sara Quin
#14. Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
#15. O-kay. Kind of freaky. I'm now standing in an actual tomb, in pitch darkness, with only a vampire to keep me company. Last week if you'd sworn on a stack of Bibles that I'd be okay with all of this, I wouldn't have believed you.
Mari Mancusi
#16. I really enjoyed every minute of it. I mean, I've learned so much in the last week, I mean, just the way to play a real, real doubles. It was a great experience for me, and we had a lot of fun.
Daniela Hantuchova
#17. Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
#18. I have a strong memory of my early childhood. I can remember life before I was two. I remember being toilet-trained like it was last week - and it wasn't last week.
Caroll Spinney
#19. I can see you is not born last week.
Roald Dahl
#20. Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.
Henny Youngman
#21. I had a woman up here last week to look at my feet, and when she gave me the bill you'd of thought she had my appendicitus out.
F Scott Fitzgerald
#22. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.
Steven Wright
#23. According to various polls conducted, the single most important issue in last week's election was not the Iraq War, not the War on Terror, not even the economy. It was the cultural war.
John Doolittle
#24. Radio did not kill books and television did not kill radio or movies - what television did kill was cinema newsreel. TV does it much better because it can deliver it instantly. Who wants last week's news?
Douglas Adams
#25. She felt an unexpected pang of homesickness (or was it some physical complaint?) and suddenly remembered that it was her mother's birthday today or tomorrow or sometime last week.
Stephen Wright
#26. After the terrible events of last week, there is still the shock and disbelief; there is anger; there is fear; but there is also, throughout the world, a profound sense of solidarity; there is courage; there is a surging of the human spirit.
Tony Blair
#27. In the first three months of actual fighting from the last week in August to the end of November, when the German drive against the Channel ports had come to an end and the first great invasion was definitely arrested, the French lost in killed, prisoners and wounded 854,0001 men. In
Winston S. Churchill
#28. Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'
Jimmy Fallon
#29. Moscow has been helping the Northern Alliance because the Taliban was openly supported by Pakistan, .. until last week, Pakistani servicemen had taken part in war operations on the Taliban side.
Sergei Ivanov
#30. You know Case, who oversees the dairy? He saw us together in the loft last week. He says I'm the biggest fool who ever lived. I don't think he's right. But, just to be safe, I'll put out the lamp. We'll pretend we're the ancient explorers, and find our way by the stars.
Yours,
Kai
Diana Peterfreund
#31. There are reports that leaders from ISIS and al-Qaida met at a farm house in Syria last week, and agreed to work together against their common enemies. That story again: Two radical terrorist groups managed to do what two American political parties cannot.
Jimmy Fallon
#32. I can't wait to play the Hammerstein shows. Things have been exploding in the last week, and that's going to be the exclamation point.
Trey Anastasio
#33. For honest insight into who you are, don't ask yourself what your priorities are for next week. Ask what your priorities were last week.
Robert Reed
#34. Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber ducky drowned in the bathtub.
Dan Quayle
#35. The very substance which last week was grazing in the field, waving in the milk pail, or growing in the garden, is now become part of the man.
Isaac Watts
#36. When Steve Jobs died last week, there was a huge outcry, and that was very moving and justified.
Rob Pike
#37. I'm not a nosy person, but I'm always thinking 'I wonder why he did that? I wonder why this week he was this much better than last week?' I'm always wanting to ask questions of people. I think my advice would be get involved locally and see where it takes you.
Jill Douglas
#38. God made the world in 6 days. I can't even remember what I did last week.
Brian L. Tucker
#39. Many weighty books on magic that looked as if they had been bound in human skin at the beginning of time but had probably been mass-produced last week by a factory in Catford.
Jonathan Stroud
#40. As I said last week in the wake of the grand jury decision, I think Ferguson laid bare a problem that is not unique to St. Louis or that area, and is not unique to our time, and that is a simmering distrust that exists between too many police departments and too many communities of color.
Barack Obama
#41. The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he's also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it.
Conan O'Brien
#42. You stopped in last week Mr. Durden, " he says. "Don't you remember?
Chuck Palahniuk
#43. Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
Rodney Dangerfield
#44. You don't have the game you played last year or last week. You only have today's game. It may be far from your best, but that's all you've got. Harden your heart and make the best of it.
Walter Hagen
#45. Government can't deliver a free lunch to the country as a whole. It can, however, determine who pays for lunch. And last week the Senate handed the bill to the wrong party ... the poor and middle class.
Warren Buffett
#46. I'm surprised, but I'm glad, I realise that this is what i wanted that night last week, to simply make a connection and keep hold of it.
Jon McGregor
#47. Why do I do this every Sunday? Even the book reviews seem to be the same as last week's. Different books same reviews.
John Osborne
#48. The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they've haven't seen a whiteout like this since last week's Oscar nominations.
Conan O'Brien
#49. I've wrestled with alligators,
I've tussled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning
And throw thunder in jail.
You know I'm bad.
just last week, I murdered a rock,
Injured a stone, Hospitalized a brick.
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick.
Muhammad Ali
#50. Biggest lesson I learned my first year in the NFL is no one gives a crap about what you did last week. This league is about what have you done for me now. That's the NFL. It's also our culture. So you keep working hard because that's the biggest truth about football.
Andrew Luck
#51. I rarely exercise at all, except I have some hand weights that I'll lift idly while I'm watching TV. I did do some push-ups last week and somehow hurt my shoulder.
Nick Antosca
#52. As I stood and gave the eulogy for young Michael Brown last week, I kept thinking about the fact that this child should have been in college instead of laying in a coffin.
Al Sharpton
#53. The farmers can be thankful. Didn't the Farm Board decide in Washington last week that they could have cheaper interest? All the farmers have to do now is to find something new to put up as security.
Will Rogers
#54. Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
#55. One bright day in the last week of February, I was walking in the park, enjoying the threefold luxury of solitude, a book, and pleasant weather.
Anne Bronte
#56. For what it's worth," Dad says, running his fingers over the picture, "I've never seen anyone run faster than Henry after you hurt your knee last week.
Miranda Kenneally
#57. I wish I had time to explain everything I did. Almost everything was done with an eye on the GLBT movement ... last week I got a phone call from Altoona, Pennsylvania, and the voice was young, my election gave one more young person, hope
Harvey Milk
#58. I said last week that the number on Jean's back does not matter. He stays effective as a runner, decision-maker and leader.
Allister Coetzee
#59. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year
Barack Obama
#60. President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China.
Jay Leno
#61. Where did he go when he left us? I spied the new journal he had started using just last week and held it against my chest. This was who he was. But it also was not. It was sad and beautiful knowledge that a person cannot be found elsewhere but in his own spirit. No one could possess it.
Amy Tan
#62. The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
Yakov Smirnoff
#63. You must master the habit of procrastination and eliminate it from your wake-up. This habit of putting off until tomorrow that which you should have done last week or last year or a score of years ago is gnawing at the very vitals of your being and you can accomplish nothing until you throw it off.
Napoleon Hill
#64. I walked beside the woman I had killed last week and tried to hold up my end of a conversation about cats. There
Richard K. Morgan
#65. Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'
Bill Maher
#66. Making Cocoa For Kingsley Amis
It was a dream I had last week
And some kind of record seemed vital.
I knew it wouldn't be much of a poem
But I love the title.
Wendy Cope
#67. I think that burnout happens because of resentment. That notion that, 'Wow, I worked 100 hours last week, and I couldn't even have this thing that I really wanted.'
Marissa Mayer
#68. You know, I still can't get my head around what happened to Ana. She was there last week. She lent me a pen in English class. How can someone go from lending a pen to being dead?
Lang Leav
#69. There was an inquiry just last week about the new Bette Midler show, and I just didn't want to do that.
Robert Urich
#70. Hed been to the playoffs before. I was asked last week what I thought this season has felt like for Coach Gibbs. I would think it must seem very familiar to a man with all those playoff wins. Hes a great coach who understands how to get his team to play.
Mark Brunell
#71. We had probably our best ever Player of the Year Dance last week. You elected Dennis Wise as Player of the Year. Dennis accepted his award mimicking Vialli, whereupon Zola shouted 'Speak English', Dennis switched to his normal Cockney voice only for Zola to shout 'You're still not speaking English'.
Ken Bates
#72. Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind.
Anna White
#73. I consider telling my building guard not to let him in, but I hear the ring of the elevator and realize the guard must have recognized the motherfucker from when he brought me home last week.
Katy Evans
#74. Watching President Obama apologize last week for America's arrogance - before a French audience that owes its freedom to the sacrifices of Americans - helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.
Rick Santorum
#75. Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
#76. I have continued to paint; my father - who was savaged by the critics - continued to paint until practically the last week of his life.
Jamie Wyeth
#77. watering the Japanese anemones naked again last week and you know what the police said about that. Liv x The last
Jojo Moyes
#78. I have ballet class every other day for two hours. And for 'Six Feet Under', last week there was a sequence where I had to do a whole choreographed dance number, so I had four hours of dance practice every day.
Michelle Trachtenberg
#79. Zeroes are important. A million seconds ago was last week. A billion seconds ago, Richard Nixon resigned the presidency. A trillion seconds ago was 30,000 BC, and early humans were using stone tools.
Denis Hayes
#80. Last week she wanted to be gay. Before that she talked monasteries. I think this is a constructive step toward her forgiving every penis-possessing human and moving on with her life.
Kylie Scott
#81. I believed, up to last week, that Adam was somehow coming back. But I wouldn't trade that optimism for anything, because the other option is no fun.
Michael Diamond
#82. As Sebastian, Lord St. Vincent, stared at the young woman who had just barged her way into his London residence, it occurred to him that he might have tried to abduct the wrong heiress last week at Stony Cross Park.
Lisa Kleypas
#83. Unfortunately, two little babies from this school had been murdered in the last week. That made me furiously angry, and it
James Patterson
#84. Even Obama's staunchest supporters are starting to leave him. Last week Michelle Obama demanded to see a copy of his birth certificate.
Ann Coulter
#85. Not every programme dealing with issues of global significance has to be fronted by last week's winner of Have I Got News For You-but I suppose you might be wrong.
Jonathan Dimbleby
#86. Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?.
Jay Leno
#87. For me, a good friend is someone you might only see once or twice a year but each time it feels as though you've just seen them last week.
James Herbert
#88. I thought last week's game was ugly and this was even uglier.
Mike Tice
#89. I deeply regret my comments I made last week regarding the Israelis and the Palestinians. They do not reflect my heart-felt belief that peace will come to the Middle East only when all parties recognize the need for mutual respect and tolerance. May that day come soon.
Helen Thomas
#90. He's sort of caught everybody on the hot, really, and good luck to him. He tried it last week as an experiment and it certainly worked.
Colin Montgomerie
#91. Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams.
Conan O'Brien
#93. Fyte gloated on the phone with me last week about arresting Lucky. I knew his punk had snatched Lucky up, instead of Blood since Blood was basically untouchable to the police for some reason.
Jessica N. Watkins
#94. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
Henny Youngman
#95. The guy who'd kissed me last week - that guy was gone. Sure, I'd rejected him, and sure, I didn't own him. But even so, it hurt. I missed the Richie who'd mooned over me.
James Patterson
#96. Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at least it's giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states.
Jay Leno
#97. I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.
Rodney Dangerfield
#98. The irony of the Supreme Court hearing on these cases last week and of the outright hostility that the Court has displayed against religion in recent years is that above the head of the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is a concrete display of the Ten Commandments.
Cliff Stearns
#99. I just finished my 11th book last week, so I'm ready to start the next one.
Gloria Stuart
#100. After the events of last week, I'm appalled at the standard Australia seems to be willing to accept in regards to its own behaviour and the behaviour of our leaders. Accuse me of playing the gender card all you like, but I will not walk past it any more. You might consider joining me.
Clementine Ford
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