Ladies Man Funny Quotes

#1. I understand we'll be attending your friend Miss Worthington's Christmas ball. Perhaps I'll find a suitable
which is to say wealthy
wife among the ladies attending.
And perhaps they will run screaming for the convent.

Libba Bray

#2. Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Groucho Marx

#3. Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

Diane Arbus

#4. Ladies Commit, There's A Wedding In It For You.

Aries Spears

#5. So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.

Conan O'Brien

#6. How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.

David Letterman

#7. You should have seen him," she said. "A real ladies' man. Stuff in his hair. Dark glasses. Fancy shoes. He had no idea how funny he looked. I much prefer men with ordinary shoes and honest trousers.

Alexander McCall Smith

#8. I'm a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.

Gabriel Iglesias

#9. One day ladies will take their computers for walks in the park and tell each other, "My little computer said such a funny thing this morning".

Alan Turing

#10. Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

Adam Ferrara

#11. Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

Lenny Bruce

#12. It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun ... ladies.

Demetri Martin

#13. My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

Dave Attell

#14. Just another part of that Spartan killer instinct. I can slay the ladies just as well as I can reapers.

Jennifer Estep

#15. Don't make trouble at the pub tonight, Wayne," the man intoned in response. "My temper is really short." "Temper?" Wayne said, passing him. "That's a funny name for it, mate, but if the ladies like you givin' silly names to your body parts, I ain't gonna say nothin'.

Brandon Sanderson

#16. It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

Johnny Vegas

#17. I have played old ladies since I was 17 years old, and very convincingly. I've always looked funny and was too tall to play the leads and so had to play the grandmothers.

Geraldine Page

#18. Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

Harper Lee

#19. Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course ... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

Steve Coogan

#20. Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

Jeff Foxworthy

#21. He needs shaking up, I tell you, he's going to die an old maid. He gets all funny and red when unmarried ladies talk to him at church, and just look at how grumpy he's been since you've been around. We've got to save him, Amanda, he said solemnly.

Diana Palmer

#22. The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans.

Malin Akerman

#23. Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

Tina Fey

#24. Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

George Bernard Shaw

#25. Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?"
She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.
"What's it like?"
"Hard," she replied.

Zack Love

#26. She pawed the air with a hand, getting shy. "Why Mr. Solomon. I didn't realize you liked little ole ladies." He lowered his head hiding his grin as she cackled boisterously at her little joke. "Very funny, Mary, soooo very funny.

Lucian Bane

#27. Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA

Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

#28. Nature's a funny old thing, it does whatever it pleases. He had always been a little afraid of it. He tiptoed into forests, speaking in a whisper, as though entering a church. Nature was mysterious, incomprehensible, impenetrable, off limits, like the ladies' toilets.

Pascal Garnier

#29. You're not going to campus. You're going out to get drunk and play with other ladies' boobies. - Kye

Krista Alasti

#30. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Bill Hicks

#31. I've been lucky enough to play some funny, nasty ladies in my day, and if you can make them foolish, they're even funnier.

Kelly Bishop

#32. I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

Ted Alexandro

#33. Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so ... retired mermaids.

Milton Jones

#34. Do you think ladies' eyebrows can communicate as well?" she asked.
"No, they don't have sufficient thicketry," he said with authority.
"Thicketry?"
"Yes, that is the official term.

Anne Gracie

#35. Seth rolled his eyes. "Because you're such a ladies man."
"I can be. I just have standards, is all. I'm very selective about who I choose to spend time with, whereas you'll fuck anything that moves. And several things that don't.

Elle Parker

#36. I don't understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you're so fucking confusing I don't know which way is up."
"I don't understand you, either. You're supposed to be Eastern's ladies' man. I'm not getting the full freshmen experience they promised in the brochure," I teased.

Jamie McGuire

#37. Ladies are honest. They're my motivation. They know what's funny, and the dudes just follow.

Tracy Morgan

#38. I'm gonna ask ye ladies a question, and I bloody expect to be answered," he growled. "Who's the scoundrel been doin' some unwanted rootin' of yer cunts for pay?

Bey Deckard

#39. A man's plumbing is like his mind: simple, very few surprises. You ladies, on the other hand ... well, God put a lot of thought in making you.

Khaled Hosseini

#40. Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
"Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer." he mutters

Bec Botefuhr