Jewish Humor Quotes

#1. Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving ... if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.

Mike Nichols

#2. heard in America's streets. Yiddish theaters are still drawing crowds, and off-color humor fueled by vaudeville, jazz, and burlesque is flourishing in the Jewish Riviera resorts of the Catskills. Jewish humor

Paul Goldberg

#3. There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

Alan King

#4. Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us.

Robert Klein

#5. There was little to choose between Jews and Catholics. The Jews had holidays that turned up out of the blue and the Catholics had children in much the same way.

Alan Bennett

#6. A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

Henny Youngman

#7. The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.

Jerry Seinfeld

#8. Being Jewish is a big part of my artistic sensibility and my humor ... I think it gives me a certain take on the world on a literary level.

Adam Mansbach

#9. I'm a Larry David fan, right? And it seems to me that Jewish history from the Talmud on has been a self-deprecating, self-critical kind of humor.

Peter Eisenman

#10. A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

Henny Youngman

#11. I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too.

Jim Goad

#12. When you wake up the next morning and see a bag filled with stale pieces of bread, a candle, a wooden spoon, and a feather, you may be wondering what you did last night and weather anyone got hurt [Note: This is some strange Jewish custom].

Cantor Matt Axelrod

#13. I resign," says Velvel. He takes off his glasses, slips them into his pocket, and stands up. He forgot an appointment. He's late for work. His mother is calling him on the ultrasonic frequency reserved by the government for Jewish mothers in the event of lunch.

Michael Chabon

#14. I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

Henny Youngman

#15. Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'

Judy Gold

#16. Over protective? a butler in a grade- B movie? someones jewish mother? you got it

Margaret Weis

#17. Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.

Lenny Bruce

#18. My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

#19. Jesus."

"I thought you were Jewish."

He pressed his lips together for a second before looking at me. "Fine. I'll say Moses. Or Abraham. Happy?"

"I doubt Jesus is.

M. Kane

#20. Sometimes I do readings and people can't stop laughing, but I'm reading about pretty tragic things. I think Soviet humor is a desperate humor, rather typical of very different nations, of Jewish people, Ukrainians, and of course, Russians. It's despair - just keep laughing, until you are dead.

Alina Bronsky

#21. Solomon counted out the coins very slowly and in silence, and then said, "Are you certain you weren't born Jewish?"
"No," said Dodger. "I've looked. I'm not, but thanks for the compliment.

Terry Pratchett

#22. Chanukah; It's a miracle anyone can spell it!

Cantor Matt Axelrod

#23. Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

Paul Lynde

#24. I was lucky to live in the 20th century, when gefilte fish could be purchased in a jar.

Barbara "Cutie" Cooper

#25. That there are limitations to the Jewish response of humor when Jews today face murderous, humorless terrorists in the Middle East or the cowardly politicians of Europe seeking the votes of their increasingly Muslim electorates.

Joseph Epstein

#26. In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible.

Doreen Orion

#27. Note to goyim readers: not every Jew who grew up in Brooklyn was rich. And as long as I'm on it, here's another note: fuck you. That's all. Whether or not you assumed we were rich, if you're a goyim, fuck you. But keep reading, and tell your friends to buy the book.

Gilbert Gottfried

#28. 2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

Henny Youngman

#29. My mother is the antithesis of a typical Jewish mother, she is very soft-spoken and takes more naps that a cat. As a result, I've always longed for someone to really annoy the shit out of me.

Chelsea Handler

#30. I always thought the biggest failing of Americans was their lack of irony. They are very serious there! Naturally, there are exceptions ... the Jewish, Italian, and Irish humor of the East Coast.

Colin Firth

#31. It was hard to listen to Goldwater and realize that a man could be half Jewish and yet sometimes appear twice as dense as the normal Gentile.

I. F. Stone