Top 100 Humour Romance Quotes
#1. Right, times up," Annie declared as she not so graciously stood from the table. "On to Hot Steppers, where naked men are waiting to grind upon thy lap. Come along my trusty wenches!
Karen Raines
#2. He jokingly thought that this guy fancied himself some kind of Jedi knight, waiting for him to say, 'these are not the droids you're looking for.
Wendy Owens
#3. Has something happened to upset you today?"
"Yeah, I had an argument with a vacuum cleaner hose, it wanted me to it a blowjob, but I refused so it took offence. It claimed I blew everyone else's attachment and it wasn't fair.
Gillibran Brown
#4. Whoa, who was that?"
"Madison Stone," Kiara mutters.
"Introduce me to her."
"Why?"
Because I know it'll annoy the shit out of you.
Simone Elkeles
#5. We're adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you're counting years but I bet I have a lower IQ, so that puts us pretty much even.
Robyn Carr
#6. He'd never been shy, but he'd always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn't believe they liked him.
Robyn Carr
#7. When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?
Maya Banks
#8. Do you think ladies' eyebrows can communicate as well?" she asked.
"No, they don't have sufficient thicketry," he said with authority.
"Thicketry?"
"Yes, that is the official term.
Anne Gracie
#9. You've got a big ego, Fuentes."
"That's not all I've got.
Simone Elkeles
#10. If I looked like him," Tara said. "I'd want to have sex with myself. All the time.
Jill Shalvis
#11. A sly smirk curled at the corner of his mouth as he peered into the trunk. "Why do you have Robin Hood's toy chest?"
- Brendan Daniels
Elizabeth Morgan
#12. She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.
Sarah Mayberry
#13. With his eyes and those hands there won't be a woman safe in all the world when he starts hunting after the ladies.'
'Courting, dear,' my father corrected gently.
'Semantics,' she shrugged.
Patrick Rothfuss
#14. Basically, dating is like climbing a volcano and you never know when it's going to erupt, dumping molten lava and burning you
Robin Bielman
#15. Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too.
Simone Elkeles
#17. Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.
Robyn Carr
#18. Damn straight" said Connor. " So yeah, I look at you and I could suck start a leaf blower, or drill a Kevin-shaped body hole into the wall, like a cartoon.
Z.A. Maxfield
#19. Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.
Then he observes, "I'm guessing that's a uniform."
Crap. I'd forgotten I was still wearing it.
Huntley Fitzpatrick
#20. Everywhere that we looked, were objects & artifacts reminiscent of a bygone age. of war & destruction, of mankind's determination to rule his neighbour, to prove how mighty he and his people are, yet a romance of days past that I am drawn to like a soul lost and hearing his lovers cries to him
Rob Shepherd
#21. Carlos, are we in complete understanding with each other?"
"Yeah," I say. "As long as it's not in your house and you don't know about it, you're okay with us messin' around."
"I know you're joking with me. You are joking with me, aren't you?"
"Maybe.
Simone Elkeles
#22. He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec." Back into the phone he said, "He likes the real slutty ones. Ow!" he yelled when he received a whop to the back of the head.
Robyn Carr
#23. I'm knackered now," he admits. "I think you're actually going to have to help me to the room."
I laugh. "Really, granddad? You rock stars should come with some sort of disclaimer, warning us that reality doesn't always live up to the pretty package.
Lily Morton
#24. I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?"
Lillian shot her a withering glance. "Daisy, don't be a pea wit.
Lisa Kleypas
#25. I'm a whore!"
Miki hit the brakes ... her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"
Sara let out a strangled squeal ...
Shelly Laurenston
#26. Thank you. Thank you, Noah, thank you, thank you.
By sundown, Thea could throw the damned thing with deadly accuracy. At bedtime, she asked if Noah would mind if she slept with it under her pillow every night.
He assured her he would not.
* when Thea gets a knife from Noah
Grace Burrowes
#27. Dating someone exclusively for four months in New York is like four years in Anchorage.
Zack Love
#28. Check it out. She's scandalously popular, insanely beautiful, and obviously in the middle of some emotional shoot-out to consent to date the human Tator Tot.
David Bischoff
#29. Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.
Sarah Mayberry
#30. Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman
Oscar Wilde
#31. If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go.
Sarah Mayberry
#32. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.
Simone Elkeles
#33. We don't hide crazy," I said. "We put it on the porch and let it entertain the neighbors.
Nick Wilgus
#34. And she gave him a melting smile, the glutinous sweetness of which he devoured with the avidity of a diabetic who swallows a fatal spoonful of jam.
John Collier
#35. What the hell was she doing on the nonhostage side of a handgun?
Suzanne Brockmann
#36. Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn't.
Nick Hornby
#37. Good humour was miles behind a second cup of morning tea. It was too early for nonsense.
Zeenat Mahal
#38. Boys don't gossip."
"Pah! You don't know us as well as you think."
This was a disturbing prospect.
Jennifer Echols
#40. Bullshit," says Viv. "Did you have your eyes open the other night in the pub? Mabe, I've never, ever seen him so happy and the way he was looking at you made even me melt. He's in love with you."
"No, he isn't."
"Yes, he is. It's just unfortunate that he's a fuckwit as well.
Lily Morton
#41. She investigated further: moving along with little kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until she came to the same location on his neck that on hers was currently a decorative black and blue color. She bit him. Hard. Alexia never did anything by halves.
Gail Carriger
#42. Pagan or Christian a man is never happier than when he has emptied his balls and drunk his fill.
Giles Kristian
#43. Love is like chickenpox. It's much worse when it comes late.
Neel Burton
#44. Wow," she said. "Do you realise how wonderful you sound?"
"Yes, I do," he said with a firm nod. "And I think I'm underappreciated.
Robyn Carr
#45. Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait.
Jess C. Scott
#46. Maybe we could, um, go sit in the truck? he said, but even as he said it, it sounded so dumb. And not exactly the way he wanted her to remember a marriage proposal.
Robyn Carr
#47. I could still box your ears."
"Nonsense," he scoffed. "You couldn't reach that high.
Anne Gracie
#48. I have a bad habit of wolfing down things that catch my eye.
Katze Snow
#49. The male tax?"
"Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world ... Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab.
Zack Love
#50. Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. You're a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up.
Sarah Mayberry
#51. Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#52. I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.
Jennifer Echols
#53. Is your name even David?' I asked as I yanked my panties back on.
'Is yours Melanie?' he inquired, buttoning his jeans.
'I asked first,' I countered, wondering for the umpteenth time why being an idiot came so easily to me.
Robyn Peterman
#54. Just leave me alone, I want to be alone, she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise.
Sarah Mayberry
#55. When they're together, the world could fall apart around them and they'd never notice or care as long as they have each other.
About Alex and Brittany.
Simone Elkeles
#56. Excuse me, your attention please."
He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was fully engaged.
"For the record, Claire Marsden and I are not having sex.
Sarah Mayberry
#57. Romance blossomed over a carrier bag full of mackerel. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would happen; there were no sunsets, or butterflies, or birdsong, just some smelly dead fish and a slimy carrier bag.
Victoria Twead
#58. What is this place?'
'Heaven.' She laughed, 'with better drinks!
Tan Redding
#59. Can you put your hands on my crotch?"
"Why, hell no, I cannot." I didn't remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.
Jennifer Echols
#60. Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.
Simone Elkeles
#61. Can you stop calling me kid?" I snapped. "It may have escaped your attention, but I am not actually a child."
The left corner of his mouth crept upward. "It hasn't escaped my attention.
Elizabeth Morgan
#62. Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with.
Jill Shalvis
#63. Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.
Christine Feehan
#64. Focus. She's Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane's butt like that? ~ Zach
Monique DeVere
#65. It's just ... how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find.
Liz Czukas
#66. You realise you're going to owe me dinner after this, right?"
"How does McDonald's sound?"
"Inadequate.
Sarah Mayberry
#67. What's with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan."
"I suspect I am a hooligan.
Simone Elkeles
#68. Tom. Tom, look at me. Has Nora agreed to marry you?"
"No, but she will because she has to.
Robyn Carr
#69. If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.
Richard Kadrey
#70. I've spoken to Sid," she admits. "He says he's never seen Charlie so bad. He won't eat, he's lost weight and he looks terrible. Sid says it's the first time he's ever been so bored by him that he's considered smothering him.
Lily Morton
#71. I said alone!"
He nodded in agreement. "Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It's our way.
Kresley Cole
#72. You can't possibly be afraid of trees.
Tara Janzen
#73. Tom, how many children do you think I have to have before I figure out you get them by having sex?"
"Of course there would be protection," he offered.
"Tons of it.
Robyn Carr
#74. Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away.
S. Walden
#75. Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go.
Shannon K. Butcher
#76. He was definitely taking his bodyguard duties seriously tonight. He gave off a take-one-step-closer-and-I-will-show-you-Armageddon vibe.
Christina Henry
#77. It's rude to discuss your wife with your girlfriend
Robyn Carr
#78. Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly.
Sharon Sant
#79. Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell."
"To be fair, you still look pretty bad.
John Green
#80. I love you Alys with everything that I am. I love your humour, your bolshiness, your independence, your laugh and your gorgeous face, but most of all I love you because you're the first person that I've ever met who I know my love is safe with.
Lily Morton
#81. Sylvia grabs my sleeve. "He's a looker."
"I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.
Simone Elkeles
#82. Marry me. You'll learn to love me, I promise.
Robyn Carr
#83. Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.
Huntley Fitzpatrick
#84. What are you boys doing?" she asks, as if we're still little kids messing around.
"Arguin'," Carlos says matter-of-factly.
Simone Elkeles
#85. You ask me why I write. You might as well ask me why I breathe. I need oxygen to feed my body and ink to feed my soul.
Bryce Main
#86. I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out."
Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the nurse.
"Can we help you, Alex?" a voice bellows through the speaker.
"I'm bein' tortured.
Simone Elkeles
#87. Is there a reason why you're standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive?
R.L. Mathewson
#88. Luis is right there. I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn't as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high.
Simone Elkeles
#89. But you were concerned about making sure things, you know, didn't get serious."
"Yeah, because I'm an idiot.
Robyn Carr
#90. Hey," Shayne said through the door. "You going to stay in there all night, because we're getting tired of trying to eavesdrop from out here. Can't hear a damn thing.
Jill Shalvis
#91. Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that," Garrett said gruffly. "You'll have me convinced I'm going to die."
"You're not?
Maya Banks
#92. Romancin' is verra important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot.
Terry Pratchett
#93. I had wasted my life in the pursuit of a career, romance, financial independence and the best heels in town when it seems I could have done more for my self esteem with a .38 calibre handgun
Tyne O'Connell
#94. Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don't feel bad. It happens all the time.
Robyn Carr
#95. Colorful characters are the odd shaped pieces that fill the holes in life's puzzle.
Richard Stephens
#96. There's always time for arguin' when you're a Fuentes.
Simone Elkeles
#97. The tragedy of hindsight is that it always come too late.
Marilyn L. Rice
#98. If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract ...
Rhett
Rowena Cherry
#99. Wretched game, cricket, keeping romantic youths out in the sun when they should be indoors, applying balm to the foreheads of feverish young maidens.
Ruskin Bond
#100. You were lookin' at me like you wanted to kiss me."
I force a laugh. "Yeah, right," I say sarcastically.
"Nobody's watchin' if you want to, you know, try it. Not to brag, but I'm somewhat of an expert.
Simone Elkeles
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