Humorous Guy Quotes

#1. My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical.

Tim Heidecker

#2. They view New York as Satan's waiting room." "If this is the waiting room, where does the guy reside or work?" "New Jersey, I assume," Kyle said with a smile. "I mean, dude, have you been to Jersey?

Michael Murphy

#3. We are not relying solely on their findings but rather the facts that we have gathered and verified, we ask for the public to remain patient and peaceful and to trust the process of the justice system.

Marilyn Mosby

#4. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".

Russell Beland

#5. She has enough black eyeliner on to outline a corpse, and her skin's so pale she looks like she's just broken dawn.

John Green

#6. I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

#7. Orange is the New Black is a really boring porn.

Mitty Walters

#8. Give a man a beer, the remote and a La-Z-Boy and he's a happy camper! All Things Caveman humor cartoon book will help you understand that hairy guy beside you.

Laurie Foxx

#9. Scott had some sort of power, or force field. In essence, he was like fucking gay guy repellant. Not a single gay guy would come anywhere near me, let alone talk to or hit on me when he was around.

Jayson James

#10. No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Demetri Martin

#11. The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

Amy Goldman Koss

#12. How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

#13. If you want to throw me in jail for trying to save someone's life, then go ahead. Next time I promise I'll point at them and laugh.

James Dashner

#14. Not planned... Hoped for maybe, but not planned. I'm a guy. I pretty much always think sex might be an option.

Heather Thurmeier

#15. Daddy had a strict rule about firearms. Anything we killed we had to eat. No amount of barbecue sauce would make a hairy guy like you palatable.

Diane Kelly

#16. How do you describe emptiness? Is it the air inside a bubble, the darkness in a pocket, snow? I think, yes, I was six when or seven when I first felt it, the dwindling that is depression.

Lauren Slater

#17. yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares...

Hiroko Sakai

#18. What about the old standby of kicking a guy in the groin?"
"Try to."
Love to ...

Kresley Cole

#19. Kope!" the other guy yeled. "What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?""Seriously!" insisted Blake. "How did you run so fast?"
"I am African." Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up.

Wendy Higgins

#20. OEDIPUS:
O, O, O, they will all come,
all come out clearly! Light of the sun, let me
look upon you no more after today!
I who first saw the light bred of a match
accursed, and accursed in my living
with them I lived with, cursed in my killing.

Sophocles

#21. The pressures of business relationships: so I tell the guy I usually have my tea time at 10 o'clock every morning. He calls me at noon (very upset) because I didn't meet him on the golf course.

Eric Christopher Jackson

#22. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Carroll Bryant

#23. Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."

George Carlin

#24. Where's the guy who gave me Twinkies and Coke?

Melissa A. Craven

#25. I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

Ryan Lilly

#26. You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same.

Raymond Chandler

#27. User habits are a competitive advantage. Products that change customer routines are less susceptible to attacks from other companies.

Nir Eyal

#28. Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

Bob Hope

#29. Modesty is the way you deal with beauty not the way you avoid it.

Tariq Ramadan

#30. Our empirical criterion for a series of theories is that it should produce new facts. The idea of growth and the concept of empirical character are soldered into one.

Imre Lakatos

#31. Don't think you're some kind of snowflake, suit guy. I'm a bitch to everyone.

Magan Vernon

#32. Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.

James Morrison

#33. I might not have superpowers, but I know how to knee a guy in the nuts.

Tera Lynn Childs

#34. This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.

Cara Lynn Shultz

#35. Human suffering is articulated in language; communication is how we seek help, consolation, etc.

Rigoberto Gonzalez

#36. A mercantile democracy may govern long and widely; a mercantile aristocracy cannot stand.

Walter Savage Landor

#37. Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won't sparkle in the sunshine, he'll just marry you.

Nick Shamhart