Humor Satan Quotes

#1. He stared down at the golden curls of the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.
"You know," he concluded, after a while, "I think he actually looks like an Adam.

Neil Gaiman

#2. I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.

Mike Corbett

#3. There is a sort of mental treason
That smothers dreams outside of reason

Mike Corbett

#4. He's more how Satan would look if he needed to seduce you into drowning a baby.

Eve Dangerfield

#5. Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly..

Eoin Colfer

#6. For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)

Frankie Boyle

#7. Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.

Mikhail Bulgakov

#8. Your precocity delighted everyone who met you even when you were behaving like a limb of Satan.

Mary Jo Putney

#9. I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

Darynda Jones

#10. Who the hell is that?!
Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#11. People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

Bill Hicks

#12. You were the one who threatened us with an Inquisitor," the Bishop reminded him. With a smile.
The Speaker's smile was just as chilly. "And you're the one who told the people I was Satan and they shouldn't talk to me.

Orson Scott Card

#13. Quatermain (while climbing down): We are above an abyss such as satan's own, Miss Murray.Pray not to look down.
Mina: And you, Sir, should not look up.You have me at a disadvantage and I trust you'll not misuse our situation.

Alan Moore

#14. I've won Satan's lottery.

Christopher Moore

#15. Celery as celery was bad. Celery fried was the work of Satan.

Kristen Ashley

#16. At moments like this he suspected that Hitler had been nothing but a harried bureaucrat and Satan himself a mental defective with a rudimentary sense of humor - the kind that finds feeding firecrackers wrapped in bread to seagulls unutterably funny.

Stephen King

#17. The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

Frankie Boyle

#18. Anyone without a sense of humor is too pretentious to be a good magician.

Anton Szandor LaVey

#19. I'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.

MaryJanice Davidson

#20. One day Satan himself visits, along with his great-grandmother - who is, not surprisingly, a total fucking bitch.

David Rakoff

#21. Cynicism is extremely contagious, and the most pious among us cannot long endure its potency. The gullible should be on their guard, however, since this endearing quality frequently masquerades as wit.

Mike Corbett

#22. Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells.

Martin Luther

#23. He didn't care if I hated him, only that I did as I was told.

Sheri Webber

#24. Still nothing," Raven answered "This is shitty. We are going to have to invest in heat sensors. These motion detectors blow Satan's left nut.

Gabrielle Evans

#25. But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Mark Twain

#26. Satan rejected my soul; as low as he goes,
he never quite goes this low.

Morrissey

#27. Satan was seen buying a cafe au lait of Friday the thirteenth in the year of the dog. He was wearing a Mexican wrestling mask and a monocle on a gold chain the color of the sun. The lights of the casino filled his good eye. Our days are numbered, our weeks are fading away.

Michael Bible

#28. I don't know why I should have been so pleased to see Lucas behaving like a gentleman for a change. I never liked the man ... But of course I know why. I would have defended Satan himself if he had been in disfavor with Emerson.

Elizabeth Peters

#29. At the last parent visitation night I'd sorta accidentally watched a majorly nightmarish scene between Aphrodite and her parents. Her dad's the mayor of Tulsa. Her mom might be Satan.

P.C. Cast

#30. Rivera rubbed his temples. "Satan told you to do it?" he said wearily.
"No."
"Elvis?"
"I told you, it's supernatural.

Christopher Moore

#31. Nowhere have I ever heard of Satan taking the form of an avuncular hippie. No doubt he could. It just seems inefficient.

Nick Harkaway

#32. What's amazing is that she was possessed by Satan for almost a year and nobody noticed anything unusual!

MaryJanice Davidson

#33. Hurry, she breathed.
Man, talk about pressure. He was supposed to get it up while demon hordes were trying to kill him, and Satan himself was knocking at the door.

Larissa Ione

#34. The only person I compete with is Satan. If that happens to be you, then could you please move out of the way? You're standing in Christ's spot.

Shannon L. Alder