Funny One Arm Quotes

#1. Nessa held her arm up. She was staring at it, trying to gauge how big that was. "Dude, that's as big as my arm. That's like being f****d by a limb dude!" She wiggled her arm back and forth. "That's not normal.

Erin Jamison

#2. It is not against the law to be a nincompoop. If so, I would have a rap sheet as long as my arm.

Sue Ann Jaffarian

#3. Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. "It's not funny," I said. "Babe, I haven't got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.

Janet Evanovich

#4. A lot of modern comedies are difficult to watch too, because they're so ironic and so detached and so quote-unquote clever. They kind of keep you at arm's length. They can be really funny, but they're not really nourishing.

Ty Burrell

#5. The dust made Lily cough. She buried her face in the crook of her arm to muffle the noise. But behind all that wood, they probably could play the 1812 Overture with real cannons and nobody would hear them.

Ellie McDonald

#6. Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

Tommy Cooper

#7. I swore I'd never become some lord's brainless arm ornament and political host, but I've become far worse. I'm a glorified housekeeper and sperm donor.
-from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend.

J.L. Langley

#8. Yep those are goosebumps. Or a bad case of arm acne. Or as I call it, armcne.

Daniel Waters

#9. Gansey held Ronan's arm a second longer to make sure he hadn't mistaken his meaning, and then dropped it and turned to Adam. "Were you just going to stand there?"
"Yeah," replied Adam.
"Decent of you," Gansey said.
There was no heat in Adam's reply. "I can't kill his demons.

Maggie Stiefvater

#10. Fenchurch had red mullet and said it was delicious.
Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her.
"Why's this fish so bloody good?" he demanded, angrily.

Douglas Adams

#11. She committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm.

David Foster Wallace

#12. What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll.
"It's called the Scream," I said.
"I know that, but what us it?" Dad said.
"Maybe she sleeps with it," I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm.
"Then no wonder it's screaming," he said.

Douglas Rees

#13. So these are the fresh meat, eh?" Zuko smirked.

I cringed when he said fresh meat. How demeaning.

"Well, I don't know how well all of you can fight. So I'll find out the quickest and simplest way." He raised a scarred arm and pointed it at all of us, "ATTACK THE FRESH MEAT!

L. Benitez

#14. Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for air, coughing and gagging at the amount of water I sucked into my lungs by pure shock. What was up with me and breathing in water? I needed to grow some gills or something.

Laura Kreitzer

#15. A cool hand touched my arm. I jerked back. "Don't! You'll burn!"
"I'm used to it." Ayden's brown eyes twinkled. "In fact, I've been told I'm smokin'." He held out a hand, his voice soft. "By an incredible redhead who I wish, for once, knew she could trust me.

A&E Kirk

#16. I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look.
"For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon."
"Poor thing," I said.
"It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly.
"Shut up," Sam said pleasantly.

Maggie Stiefvater

#17. That, and you have quite the temper."
I play fully punched his arm. "Watch it, before you really feel my wrath.

August Westman

#18. No punching?" he asked.
"No."
"No kicking?"
"No."
"How about arm wrestling?"
"No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs."
Fate Succumbs

Tammy Blackwell

#19. Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."
Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked.
"Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?

Gena Showalter

#20. Yes, I see the Mobile Base System really is the shoulder of the arm. The arm is right there, like a human arm. It's really funny to look at the similarities between a human arm and the Canadian robotics arm.

Philippe Perrin

#21. Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."
"The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?

Rick Riordan

#22. What was that? Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn't escalate to the dreaded purple nurple.

Molly Harper

#23. You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

Dave Attell

#24. Blake hung an arm on my shoulders. "Alone at last."
"I'm right here," Logan said.
"Maybe you shouldn't be.

A&E Kirk

#25. Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.

J.A. Saare

#26. The dark prince sat astride his black steed, his sable cape flowing behind him. A golden circlet bound his blond locks, his handsome face was cold with the rage of battle, and ...
"And his arm looked like an eggplant," Clary muttered to herself in exasperation.

Cassandra Clare

#27. Josh squeezed her arm. "I'll behave," he murmured. "For now."
She's going to pickle your cucumbers."
"He has more than one?" Natalie whispered.
"That's between me and Kimmie," Josh replied.

Jamie Farrell

#28. Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing.

Jamie Farrell

#29. The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Robin Williams

#30. When I was 12, I snapped my arm in two. My wrist still has a funny bump because they didn't join it back together so great.

Jessica De Gouw

#31. But Jackal gave a low, humorless chuckle. 'Oh you bastard.' He smiled, shaking his head and staring up at the barn. 'That's cute. Let's see if you're as funny when I'm beating you to death with your own arm.

Julie Kagawa

#32. I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for "menacing." I admit it lacked a certain elegance, but hey. It was worth a shot. David placed his hand on my arm and pushed it back down.
"What?"
"Just ... that's embarrassing for all of us," he replied.

Rachel Hawkins

#33. Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. Narcissus is a loser! He's so weak, he can't bench-press a Kleenex. He's so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it's got a picture of Narcissus - only the picture's so ugly, no one ever checks it out.

Rick Riordan

#34. Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

Robin Hobb

#35. Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Russell Howard

#36. Nobody fights with Jerry because you know the price would be too high. You might come out the winner, at his age, you might even lick him, but you'd lose an eye, an arm, your testicles in the process, everything would be gone.

Frank Layden

#37. I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

Steven Wright

#38. Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em!

Alex Sanchez

#39. High school is life's way of giving you a record low to judge the rest of your life by. I know this because no matter how shitty it got, I could always look back and say, "At least I don't have my arm stuck up a cow's vagina." In fact, that's kind of become my life's motto.

Jenny Lawson

#40. Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

Rodney Dangerfield