Funny I Hate You Sayings

#1. I brought you some coffee." he held out the cup but she waved it away.
"I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know."
-Luke and Clary, pg.209-

Cassandra Clare

#2. You know it's always funny - the more legend awards you get, the closer you get to the grave, I guess, i am going full strength right now so it's great to get these while you're alive, I'd hate to get them after you're dead.

Alice Cooper

#3. God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.

Jim Norton

#4. That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny.

Jennifer Aniston

#5. The thing I hate most about skeletons is you can never tell when they're smiling.

Stephen Blackmoore

#6. Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.

Tara Sivec

#7. The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate.

Emma Stone

#8. Giggler, I think I hate you most of all.

Alice Clayton

#9. Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Ellen DeGeneres

#10. You can be zany and funny or you can do something that really has some depth to it and serious, so there's many different colors to paint with. I would hate to get trapped in one little thing. I always feel like funny is an appendage, but it is not my whole body.

Jim Carrey

#11. I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"

Louis C.K.

#12. Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess."
"I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.

K.R. Grace

#13. I rubbed at my temple, where the zit was gone. It still hurt a little , though, deep under the skin. I hate those zits that burrow underground. You think they've vanished, but no, they just barricade themselves right next to the bone and hurt.

Lili St. Crow

#14. Even hating myself I still think I'm better than you.

Stephen Schneider

#15. I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me into playing with you because no one else will. I hate that you do the accents of the countries you're attacking from. And I hate that you wear a beret every time we play. God, do I hate the beret.

Colin Nissan

#16. Why would you do that? (Delphine) Why do you think? (Jericho) Because I'm a bossy hag and you'd rather be enslaved to a man you hate than deal with me. (Delphine) You know ... you're not funny. (Jericho) I think I'm hysterical. (Delphine)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#17. An old pop music producer once said that there are really only four kinds of song a person can write: "I love you/I hate you/go away/come back!" That's a funny observation.

Matt Redman

#18. The sun weeps because it can no longer caress your skin or warm your lips." He sifted his fingers through my hair. "I do not envy the sun, Eva. But I truly hate the moon, because its light touches you in all the ways I cannot.

Michele Bardsley

#19. I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know.

Cassandra Clare

#20. I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

Mike Birbiglia

#21. I make funny videos. I hate saying I'm a comedian because then people stick their finger in your face and demand you tell a joke. But the other thing people call me is 'a YouTube sensation,' which is even worse.

Katie Nolan

#22. Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too.

Simone Elkeles

#23. I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people.

Peter Cameron

#24. I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Rodney Dangerfield

#25. That old question about whether, as a woman, you can be funny and attractive at the same time. Argh! I hate that question. Of course you can.

Emma Stone

#26. When you started this engagement farce I thought I was going to hate every minute of it. Instead I loved every minute of it. I loved every minute of being with you. You're bright, sexy, funny, confident, sexy, strong, warm - did I say sexy?

Sarah Morgan

#27. I hate that there's never anyting good on TV on Saturday afternoons. It's like even the networks are trying to get you off your ass and have a life.

Julie Murphy

#28. Some say Twitter is overrated.
Some love it, others hate it.
I guess it depends on what you've got,
If you have guts to write a funny plot!

Ana Claudia Antunes

#29. For the record, I hate skiing ... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

Jim Norton

#30. I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.

David Sedaris

#31. I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

Demetri Martin

#32. I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"

Mitch Hedberg

#33. I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

Gena Showalter