Funny Gas Quotes

#1. No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

#2. Nothing is original. It says it right there in the Bible. Ecclesiastes:
That which has been is what will be, That which is done is what will be done, And there is nothing new under the sun.
Every new idea is just a mashup or a remix of previous ideas.

Austin Kleon

#3. Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons.

Stephen King

#4. Gain cannot be made without loss to someone else.

Tom Holland

#5. I'm not scared to fail, I'm not scared to lose, I'm not scared to die, for that matter ... It's going to work out the way it's supposed to work out.

Randy Couture

#6. The fact that the Lord Jesus Christ is in Glory occupied with us should lead us into a holy life which glorifies Him. That loving eye is never withdrawn from us. If we were to remember this constantly, what a power this would be in our lives!

Arno C. Gaebelein

#7. Our disrespect for thinking: someone sitting in a chair, gazing out of a window blankly, always described as 'doing nothing'.

Alain De Botton

#8. Always carry a camera, it's tough to shoot a picture without one.

Jay Maisel

#9. Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

George Carlin

#10. I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

Rowan Atkinson

#11. Hey, Eriele?" he said. "You know what's funny?... You're so busy yelling at Ian," Dan said, "you didn't notice our altitude. Time to change the gas mixture.

C. Alexander London

#12. Broken Wind believed that we are traumatized as babies by intestinal gas or colic. The great shaman invented a technique called "gastral projection" to help release these traumas. His philosophy was simple: "To air is human ... but to really cut one loose is divine.

Swami Beyondananda

#13. I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.

Pawan Mishra

#14. She should get a divorce and settle down.

Jack Paar

#15. Something funny certainly happens when palladium and platinum come into contact with hydrogen gas; it's one of the great mysteries still waiting to be solved on the periodic table. But it's quite a leap from 'something funny' to cold fusion.

Sam Kean

#16. I asked these Indians: "Do men ever make Chicha?" My question was met with gales of laughter. The women howled. Bent over in hilarity, one replied, "Men can't brew. Chicha made by men would only make gas in the belly. You are a funny man! Beer is women's work."

Alan D. Eames

#17. [the car] backfired a lot. Loud enough that when I drove in the wrong part of town and it let loose with a gas fart, people actually ducked for cover.

Adrienne Wilder

#18. It is essential to our well-being, and to our lives, that we play and enjoy life. Every single day, do something that makes your heart sing.

Marcia Wieder

#19. I'm a very spiritual person, and I believe in God and all that kind of stuff. So my perfect type of guy would be spiritually grounded, extremely respectful and funny because I love to laugh.

Grace Gealey

#20. My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

Bill Cosby

#21. Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

Chris Rock

#22. It was harder to ignore the smell, meat just starting to turn. And gas. The dead were quiet, very quiet in a bad way, but the sounds of escaping gas were all over. [He] was surrounded by belching and farting corpses who wanted to eat him. It would be funny if it wasn't so fucking horrible.

Mason James Cole

#23. I was embarrassed by my parents. I thought they had nothing of interest to say or contribute to anything. My real crime was not understanding that they were interesting, and I have been trying to make it up to them for being so indescribably blase, so genuinely uninterested and dismissive.

Linda Grant

#24. Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

Chris Rock

#25. Never mind gas masks and fallout shelters in the event of biological warfare. Many New Yorkers move from place to place equipped with the essentials of vermin assault weaponry: mouse traps, roach spray, and sticky tapes. In some neighborhoods, it's a must.

Isabel Lopez

#26. The space of play and the space of thought are the two theaters of freedom.

Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy

#27. In a society where women are truly equal to men, a kid bred by a theist mother and an atheist father is born an agnostic. In a patriarchal society, the kid is automatically an atheist.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#28. I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.

Mitch Hedberg