Top 100 Fantasy Humor Quotes
#1. If you talk about genres - I don't care if you're talking about war, Westerns, science fiction, horror, fantasy, humor, romance - anything you can find, strolling the aisles of a Borders or a Barnes & Noble, I can bring you many comic books representing each genre.
Michael Uslan
#2. Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd.
China Mieville
#3. Shut the front door!" Jenna exclaimed.
Andrew disappeared into the foyer, and when he returned, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "The door is shut?
Laura Kreitzer
#4. Will you accompany me in this dance?" he said, bowing and holding out his hand.
"No, thank you." Miri smiled.
The prince frowned and looked and the chief delegate as if for assistance.
Miri laughed self consciously. "I, uh, I was teasing.
Shannon Hale
#5. Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren't careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast.
Alan Kinross
#6. Riding a Dragon is amazing, exhilarating, and murder on the thighs.
Bryan Fields
#7. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#8. My memories came back like a punch in the face. Only good.
Lee Davidson
#10. Pointed teeth would give one an appearance of ferocity," he said, tapping a straight white tooth. "Although that might require one to follow through with biting someone from time to time, and the thought is enough to make one feel ill. I don't even like my meat cooked rare.
Danielle L. Jensen
#11. He's lighting up my life and I don't even know his name. He's already perfect.
Poppet
#12. M.T. Stone was the poster boy for what an assassin should look like.
Mary Buckham
#13. So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire's coffin? - Shella
Krista Alasti
#14. Something different was happening to William alright, as if Winkleberry wasn't different enough.
S.Z. Berg
#15. Writing is my dream. From romance to dragons; fairies to fantasy worlds, this is where I live and play. Thanks be to God!
Lisa Hannah Wells
#16. Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.
Neil Gaiman
#17. Well, the only reason we're friends is because you can rock a tweed suit," she informed, tone mock serious. "So if you want to keep me around, I expect more tweed.
Laura Kreitzer
#18. Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'
It was the perfect motto for Morganville.
Rachel Caine
#19. Egg has the truth of it. Aerion's quite the monster. He thinks he's a dragon in human form, you know. That's why he was so wroth at that puppet show. A pity he wasn't born a Fossoway, then he'd think himself an apple and we'd all be a deal safer, but there you are.
George R R Martin
#20. You're not doing a good job of selling me this dumb fantasy. I'm not climbing into the back of your van if I have to be Robin. I'm Batman. That's how these things work.
John Kerry
#21. First thing is that I love you. And the second thing is that as much as I honor your former profession, I don't think your geese care much for your betrothed and I hope they hadn't any plans on sharing our bed.
Shannon Hale
#22. If the president and the Vice President dies who becomes President" "Thats easy Arnold Swartzanager
Dan Gutman
#23. It was just as all the Kettral said: You went to Hook to escape your problems and came back with a dozen more.
Brian Staveley
#24. Verne frowned. "Calm down. Don't exert yourself in your condition."
Salen looked at Verne in amazement. "Don't exert --! My dear woman, we are all about to die! I don't think it damn well matters if I shit my pants at this point --
Ash Gray
#25. If this is where you ask me to run around in my birthday suit, I'm not entirely comfortable with that, I said, smirking.
Laura Kreitzer
#27. For every ten vampires who are happy being monsters, there's always one sad-sack who misses the sunrise.
Tori Centanni
#28. Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.
John Bellairs
#29. Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.'What? Did you think one little mage was going to do me in?' He swallowed hard. 'Hell, that was just a warm-up.
Karen Chance
#30. I might be able to walk away from sexy, dangerous shifters, but chocolate had me at its beck and call.
Meghan Ciana Doidge
#31. Thinking sure could get a fellow in a lot of trouble. Almost as much as opening his big gabber and sticking his muddy foot in it.
Gillian Bronte Adams
#32. I recently published a new book. It's a Christian urban fantasy about mad science gone wrong. And then after I'd written that in a blurb I thought to myself - when does mad science ever go right?!
Greg Curtis
#33. Awe! Leaving so soon?" Gabby said sweetly, holding the door open. "I was just about to pull out the gun for you to play single-player Russian Roulette.
Laura Kreitzer
#34. Despite what you think you know, most people don't want to fight, especially when evenly matched. ... That's why you see those pissed young men doing the dance of "don't hold me back" while desperately hoping someone likes them enough to hold them back.
Ben Aaronovitch
#35. A female dragon's tail is of the utmost importance to her. Male dragons find them irresistible. After all where do you think the term 'Getting some tail' came from?
Sully Tarnish
#36. Durbin's sunglasses were gone, and his gray eyes sparkled up at her. He winked. "Take care of yourself, Dr. Venkman."
Lena bit back a grin. "You too, Dana Barrett.
Laura Oliva
#37. As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again.
Michelle M. Pillow
#38. Noontime was absolutely the perfect time for a duel in the dragon's opinion as this was also lunchtime, his favorite part of the day. As the saying went, he could kill two birds with one stone.
Sully Tarnish
#39. Twango's hospitality, though largely symbolic, does him credit.
Jack Vance
#40. Leo," Jason said, "you're weird."
"Yeah, you tell me that a lot." Leo grinned. "But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes ... !
Rick Riordan
#41. Star, pillows don't attack dogs," Sam said.
"Or anything else," Turtle added.
Jennifer Priester
#42. The Road to Hell is Paved With Bad Intentions
Vicky Loebel
#44. I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, Don't talk. You'll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.
Susan Ee
#45. Reality - Dreams = Animal Being Reality + Dreams = A Heart-Ache (usually called Idealism) Reality + Humor = Realism (also called Conservatism) Dreams - Humor = Fanaticism Dreams + Humor = Fantasy Reality + Dreams + Humor = Wisdom
Lin Yutang
#46. Calico Kitty
My calico kitty
was painted and primed
she could prowl
the night away ~
without spending a dime...
Muse
#47. Helianthus snorted. "Olorun is like his mother: he will only change as the face of a rock changes. But . . . I think he missed you.
Ash Gray
#48. When words come out of your mouth, do your ears just block all incoming sound waves?
Amethyst Marie
#49. Even though I was fairly certain God wasn't Ted Bundy, I kept an open mind, since this phone call was getting a bit confusing.
Scott Buckel
#50. I hate when I look in my closet and find clothes instead of Narnia.
H.B. Bolton
#52. My father always said that government is like watching another man piss in your boot. Someone feels better but it certainly isn't you.
Orson Scott Card
#53. No one asked your opinion O'Brien," the red-haired one snapped again.
"No one ever asks yours either, that doesn't seem to stop you from giving it," he countered.
C.E. Dimond
#55. Space: the gaping hole between land and other land.
SE Zbasnik
#56. I love crafting. Knitting, decoupage, scrapbooking, any "lady-ish" art form, I'm a fan. For about six months each. Then I shove all the supplies in a closet, alongside the skeletons of long dead New Year's resolutions, like saber fencing, playing the ukulele, and Japanese brush painting.
Felicia Day
#57. If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract ...
Rhett
Rowena Cherry
#58. When I look at my bookcase and see the books upon the shelves, I think to myself, There is a God.
Sully Tarnish
#59. I'll email you, he says as if he's asking me into the cellar to taste his vintage champagne.
Poppet
#60. In my fantasy world everyone has a happy ending. No one is told who they should be, how they should feel, who they are allowed to love, what they should believe and how they should look. Sadly, everyone in my world can't seem to get along with one another because everyone is so darn different.
Shannon L. Alder
#61. You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs.
Terry Pratchett
#62. A man's greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint
Brent Weeks
#63. There wasn't a colloquial phrase, or curse, that went something like, "May your day be full of angry dragons" or, "May every dragon you meet today be pissed off." But, there should have been.
Michelle Sagara West
#64. Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth.
Kevin James Breaux
#65. Without thinking about it at all, Harry stepped in front of Hermione.
There was an intake of breath from behind him, and then a moment later Hermione brushed past and stepped in front of him. "Run, Harry!" she said. "Boys shouldn't have to be in danger.
Eliezer Yudkowsky
#66. Yes. The elven magi are very old, but not old enough to remember that all of this has happened before."
Parmida frowned. "Just how old are you?"
"I am older than a thousand of your suns," the unicorn answered.
". . . and that means?
Ash Gray
#67. Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.
Ice Cube
#68. Oh, yeah. He's dead, a voice inside her head confirmed.
"No way!" Brianna backed away from him, looking around the room in panic.
Yeah, you're right. That lack of pulse probably means something else.
Natasha Larry
#69. Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
Dave Attell
#70. All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.
F.K. Preston
#71. The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.
Erica Sehyun Song
#72. Walking into Nova Hollywood, I remembered why I didn't come here more often. I like a good slice of cheese as much as the next guy, but this place would be too cheesy for a giant mutant rat who had been starving for a week.
John Zakour
#73. You never know what's coming for ya" from the 2008 American romantic fantasy drama film 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', directed by David Fincher.
Unknown
#74. I suggest you leave now, or you'll be tied down and gagged until the end of this meeting."
"Tie us down?"
"And gag you," Joseph cheerfully reminded them.
Laura Kreitzer
#75. In the beginning there was Logos ... and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game ...
Yannis Karatsioris
#76. I'm not going," he said. He held up the Third key like a weapon. Sensing his mood, it grew longer and sharper, till he was holding a trident as long as he was tall ... "And anyone who tries to make me is going to suffer."
"Twice," added the voice under the table.
Garth Nix
#77. HARV, can you help at all here?" I asked, spinning downward.
"I am writing your obituary. Well, not so much writing it as updating it," HARV told me.
If I lived, I was going to kill HARV.
John Zakour
#78. Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
Noel Fielding
#79. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.
F.K. Preston
#80. Oh. Sure. It makes perfect sense. Zane is a wolf because his father is an eagle.
C.J. Milbrandt
#81. So, Azalee - " When he turned to her, she stared daggers back - almost as though she had read his mind. Can Chertzes do that? he wondered in a wild moment of panic.
"What?" bit Azalee when he didn't continue.
Mighty Zeus, could he go five minutes without offending a woman?
Deidre Huesmann
#82. Being a geological formation gives you a lot of time to think. Also, I subscribed to a number of learned journals.
Neil Gaiman
#83. You can't has,' he whispered softly, 'not yours.
Wil Wheaton
#84. Jamal stared at the dog in his arms. Why I am I holding a dog full of angels?
Diana Wynne Jones
#86. Mulling this over, Vlad wiped her lip gloss from his lips with the back of his hand.Vampires, after all, didn't sparkle.
Heather Brewer
#87. Yes," Curran said. "We'd like you to officiate."
"I'm sorry?"
"We'd like you to marry us," I said.
Roman's eyes went wide. He pointed to himself. "Me?"
"Yes," Curran said.
"Marry you?"
"Yes."
"You do know what I do, right?"
"Yes," I said. "You're Chernobog's priest.
Ilona Andrews
#89. Good news is, we're annoying him. Bad news is, we're all going to die painfully.
Brandy Nacole
#90. I mean, electric shock? Isn't that a bit ... electric shock-y?
Emmett Spain
#91. She never even wore stockings; just those bullet proof tights that you see on old maids.
Poppet
#92. There was something about Mikie that made me want to trust him. It might have been the Centanario Anejo.
Nadja Baer
#93. I'm in love with you."
"Good grief." She kept walking.
Tahereh Mafi
#94. There's a time and a place for everything. ... Yes. This is my time and you are in my place.
Poppet
#95. Quite often, intent on conveying how things can go wrong for a culture (science fiction) or an individual (horror) or all of magical creation (fantasy), works of fantastika often preclude comedy, because humor gets in the way of messages of doom or struggle.
Paul Di Filippo
#96. It felt like he'd been dragged through the nine circles of hell - by his testicles.
Kay Berrisford
#97. Of course I would fall for Captain Emotionally Constipated. I could train a rock to hold more affection for me.
K.M. Shea
#98. That which does not kill you ... probably isn't close enough, so just start running.
Matthew D. Ryan
#99. He peered down at me. "Jesus Christ. You're leaking."
If by "leaking" he meant "sobbing like a girl," I guess so.
Lili St. Crow
#100. I would have said sacrificing one of his own kind was a new low for Jag, but honestly? Jag was a bottomless pit of low.
Red Tash
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