Dog Jokes Quotes

#1. I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I've been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I'm writing jokes about my dog.

Joe Mande

#2. Terry Kitchen said that the only moments he ever experienced as non-epiphanies, when God left him alone, were those following sex and the two times he took heroin.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

#3. Am not at all sure how we should tackle such a crisis, but on the basis of what we know so far, I would suggest, as a start, quarantining Texas. I

Bill Bryson

#4. One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.

Christopher Moore

#5. I love stories. I just enjoy telling stories and watching what these characters do - although writing continues to be just as hard as it always was.

Martha Grimes

#6. Please leave my computer alone.. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat.

Heather Wolf

#7. Central governments have always been the greatest danger to mankind. Now there are none - small communities are the new rule of life. Some things are better left alone by everyone.

Terry Brooks

#8. Happiness: the feeling of being alive.

Marty Rubin

#9. I served seven years as the chair of the Princeton economics department where I had responsibility for major policy decisions, such as whether to serve bagels or doughnuts at the department coffee hour.

Ben Bernanke

#10. There's no such thing as a superhuman. But the only thing I got to tell you, if you take a dog and kick him around he's got to be alert, he's got to be more sharper than you. Well, we've been kicked around for two thousand years. We're not more smarter, we're more alert.

Mordecai Richler

#11. And how should we behave during this Apocalypse? We should be unusually kind to one another, certainly. But we should also stop being so serious. Jokes help a lot. And get a dog, if you don't already have one ... I'm out of here.

Kurt Vonnegut

#12. But courage without conduct is the virtue of a robber, or a tyrant.

Mary Renault

#13. I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.

David Antin

#14. You didn't do anything. But I won't let anyone talk to you like that.. I don't care who they are."
"You ready to fight the whole town then, darlin'?"
She pursed her lips and said without even a bit of hesitation, "If I have to.

Shelly Laurenston

#15. My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.

Cathy Guisewite

#16. What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.

Stephenie Meyer

#17. This is weird, I feel like I should be telling you a story right now. Oberon

Kevin Hearne

#18. Latin Americans hold on tight even to pain and suffering, preferring a certain present to an uncertain future. Some of this is only natural, entirely human. But for us, the fear is paralyzing; it generates not only anxiety but also paralysis.

Oscar Arias

#19. God gives us always strength enough, and sense enough, for everything He wants us to do.

John Ruskin

#20. Never break the heart, you live in.

M.F. Moonzajer

#21. What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny.

Chuck Palahniuk

#22. The Past
the dark unfathomed retrospect! The teeming gulf
the sleepers and the shadows! The past! the infinite greatness of the past! For what is the present after all but a growth out of the past?

Walt Whitman

#23. If your're not having a very good time with your life, its because you haven't done much for others. You may have done many things but you havent done much for those around you.

Frederick Lenz

#24. When Jason Koumas is on form, he's the type of player who calls all the strings

Ian Rush