Top 23 Delivery Funny Quotes
#1. Alice: Where Should I go?
Cheshire Cat: That depends, where do you want to end up?
Lewis Carroll
#2. Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"
Billy Connolly
#3. I'd really like to give back to the world, but everything I've achieved, I've earned on my own, so what's the point?
Zach Braff
#4. I can apply myself to the format of 'SNL,' I can apply myself to the format of 'Conan,' but at the same time, I'm still being J. B. Smoove. I'm not changing up my style, I'm not changing up how I think, what's funny to me, my delivery, the way I carry myself.
J. B. Smoove
#5. Give me anything that moves my heart, that gives me goosebumps.
Jeremy Spencer
#6. If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
Tucker Max
#8. God has a funny way of reminding us we're human. [About his impromptu water break during his delivery of the GOP rebuttal to President Barack Obama's State of the Union on February 12, 2013]
Marco Rubio
#9. A brick could be used for note delivery, from the KKK.
Nicole McKay
#10. Oh, I just think that a neat house is the sign of a boring person, that's all. And I don't really like to associate with boring people if I can help it.
Katie Kacvinsky
#11. Your mind is a magic pot, from which you pick the things, and manifest life out of it. If you don't tell your mind, your priorities, it will be easier for your mind, to pick anything, to serve you with your life.
Roshan Sharma
#12. When I was at drama school I wanted to do classical theatre. It just so happened that I did a film when I came out and I moved that way.
Andrew Lincoln
#13. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
Ljupka Cvetanova
#15. Writers are entirely egocentric. To them, few things in their lives have meaning or importance unless they give promise of serving some creative purpose.
Doris Grumbach
#16. Never mind what some will say, for then thou wilt never have done. One may as soon tie up the winds, as the tongues of slanderers.
Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#17. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
Jeff Ross
#18. People don't just appear on the beach unless they're demigods or gods or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It's happened - but that's another story.)
Rick Riordan
#19. But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not be trapped nor tamed.
Kahlil Gibran
#20. One in three all friends are:
Brothers in distress,
equals facing rivals,
free men - facing death!
Friedrich Nietzsche
#21. If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in some ways. Writing and performing jokes that can come out of that brilliant delivery system he constructed: the friendly, avuncular truth-teller.
Val Kilmer
#22. Not for me. I hate fish. It's for Goddamn Cat. I want him served that regularly.
J.R. Ward
#23. You have the look of someone who'll die under general anaesthetic while having liposuction.
Marian Keyes
