You Turn Me On Funny Quotes

#1. I felt my cheeks turn red, and she laughed out loud. But I didn't mind too much, because the last thing she saw was my middle finger aimed in her direction as I stepped outside

Jessica Verday

#2. I got to work with Rachel Dratch, and she just had such a funny, roll-with-it attitude when she would approach the stage and could turn anything into a gem.

Stephnie Weir

#3. It is my turn to wait. Funny that in all these months we have been meeting, it was always she waiting for me.

Melissa De La Cruz

#4. I don't think that [Hillary Clinton] can turn around her honesty and trustworthiness problems with one speech, but she could present herself tonight as more relatable, give people a glimpse of that warm, funny woman the people who meet her in small groups and one-on-one say that she is.

Tamara Keith

#5. You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

Jim Gaffigan

#6. Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'
Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'
Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'
Stark~ 'Deal.'
Zoey~ 'Deal.

P.C. Cast

#7. We had 1 book, the phone book, I've read it, it wasn't a great read, lots of characters, and on the end loads of polish people turn up.

Stephen K. Amos

#8. It was funny, she was thinking, how something that had seemed sentimental and important, and even more - almost sacred - could turn into nothing at all

Rona Jaffe

#9. It was harder to ignore the smell, meat just starting to turn. And gas. The dead were quiet, very quiet in a bad way, but the sounds of escaping gas were all over. [He] was surrounded by belching and farting corpses who wanted to eat him. It would be funny if it wasn't so fucking horrible.

Mason James Cole

#10. Oh my son! My son!" von Helrung cried. Now it was his turn to crush my master to his chest. "William! Your father has come for you!"
"I hope not! My father has been dead over fifteen years, von Helrun.

Rick Yancey

#11. Funny how when your life is mostly bullshit, you turn off feeling.
Sometimes it's hard to turn it back on again.

Ellen Hopkins

#12. It's funny how love can fit inside a brown cardboard box. With relationships, people often think that things pile up. But when it ends, they're surprised how few these things turn out to be. Or at least, how few things they are willing to let go of.

Juan Miguel Sevilla

#13. I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.

Orson Scott Card

#14. We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn.
"Arthur," I say.
The car doesn't yield.
"Arthur," I say.
He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper.
"Arthur, our turn was back there.

Peter Canning

#15. There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.

Douglas Coupland

#16. I actually find novels that are determined to be funny at every turn quite oppressive.

Ian McEwan

#17. Don't you even watch gay porn?"

It was Ryan's turn to blush. "Not really. Sometimes. Not very often, though."

"Why not?"

He shrugged awkwardly. "It doesn't really turn me on."

"You need to watch better porn," Henry muttered.

Anna Martin

#18. People are funny, and in the most tragic situations, when comedy erupts from nowhere, it can turn on its head within the space of a second or a minute. You're laughing one minute and you're crying the next and that's just life for me, and that is what people are like.

Sally Hawkins

#19. Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet ... Ew, did you ... ?"
"Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.

Molly Harper

#20. Many comedians have a dark side that lets them take a negative thing and turn it funny.

Rachel Dratch

#21. My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."

Mitch Hedberg

#22. If John somehow turns into a different man and we do not witness that transformation, the editor considering your novel will somehow turn into an editor considering a different novel.

Howard Mittelmark

#23. Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Spike Milligan

#24. The fact that she made this beeline for me both warmed my soul and made me want to turn around, walk out the door, and find a cliff to fling myself off of.

Lia Habel

#25. But there was nothing funny about his sword. Jason figured one hit from that thing would probably turn him into a Popsicle. Then

Rick Riordan

#26. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

George Carlin

#27. What are the chances that you'd be there? It's funny sometimes the way the world works. Makes you think there's got to be a reason things turn out the way they do." -Louis

Michelle Schlicher

#28. Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

Katt Williams

#29. I did turn down 'The Virgin Suicides.' I talked to the producers about it, and I just honestly told them that I didn't get it. Is it supposed to be funny, is it a thriller, what is it?

Terry Zwigoff

#30. Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!

Pittacus Lore

#31. The Equal Rights Amendment would "turn holy wedlock into holy deadlock."

William Rehnquist

#32. I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

Calvin Trillin

#33. I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

Marc Maron

#34. Only Uncle Pascha ignored her. He was contemplating his chessboard. She doubted that he'd move his piece today. It had been his turn for only six months. Once, he had gone three years between moves. He preferred a leisurely game.

Sarah Beth Durst

#35. Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes.

Waylon H. Lewis

#36. That was a mean thought, and not funny at all. I let it turn to sand and blow out of my head.

Christopher Buehlman

#37. In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy.

Claudia Gray

#38. What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you 'turn up missing'?

Kevin Hart