Worse Than Funny Sayings

#1. I don't know which is worse," Cassidy mused, "when people laugh at things that aren't funny, or when they don't laugh at things that are.

Robyn Schneider

#2. Another funny thing about having friends was that they expected things of you. they made you want to not be a terrible, awful, execrable person. They made you feel worse when you were one. It was a lot easier not to have any friends.

Francine Pascal

#3. Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

Douglas Adams

#4. Perspective is a funny thing. You think your back is to the wall, then something worse corners you, and the first threat looks puny in comparison.

Karen Marie Moning

#5. I swore I'd never become some lord's brainless arm ornament and political host, but I've become far worse. I'm a glorified housekeeper and sperm donor.
-from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend.

J.L. Langley

#6. It's awful bad luck to bring a woman aboard the ship."
"It's awful worse luck not to.

Johnny Depp

#7. There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.

Laurence Sterne

#8. Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.

Craig Ferguson

#9. You saw a lot of guys, especially in the early '90s, whose acts were a pitch for a sitcom. A lot of them were very funny, but there's nothing worse than watching comedians or musicians who are up there and are doing something they're not interested in.

Patton Oswalt

#10. When I opened the door, Andrew was standing there like a remedy for heart palpitations. Or maybe he made them worse. It was hard to tell.

N.R. Walker

#11. There is only one thing worse than training employees and losing them,
and that's not training them and keeping them

Zig Ziglar

#12. You never got her last name, did you?" Kayden asks, covering his mouth with his hand to try and hide a laugh. The one that still breaks through and makes the urge to hit him even worse.
"It didn't seem important. You wanna clue me in?"
"Taylor. Cadence Taylor. Dumbass.

Melyssa Winchester

#13. Love such a funny word; a worse emotion. It's crazy because it has the ability to give you strength, happiness and mostly belief. At the same time this thing call love can turn you bitter, insecure and allow you to lose sight of who you are in that same moment.

Mz. Baltimore

#14. I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse.

Michael Bergin

#15. I think that the episodes are like mini horror films really; the characters make bad decisions early on and these things just snowball for them and get worse and worse. And that's what I find funny.

Dave Rowntree

#16. Have you forgotten," she said in a furious whisper, "that he nearly killed us? That he threw my quiver in the stream, and threatened to snap my bow?"
It was unclear which she considered worse: threatening them or her bow.

Michelle Paver

#17. Of course Will was right again. But I realized clearly for the first time how desperate our plight was. It has been foolish to think we could rescue Kai. Now, wherever he is, it couldn't be worse than being held captive by pirates. Even cannibals were more trustworthy.

Cameron Stracher

#18. Funny how days are like that. Some days start off rubbish and get worse as they go on, others start well and get better.

Chris Higgins

#19. Poor Craw?" Ben retorted. "Poor Rory! Craw and Ari curse worse than a trucker shagging a sailor.

Amy Lane

#20. I finally got up around noon, after having decided that, as far as monogamous relationships go, I could probably do worse than marrying my bed.

Robyn Schneider

#21. Standing in the corridor was a large plastic bin on wheels. He looked inside. Empty tins of dog food. That explained the spaghetti with meat sauce. Oh well, he'd eaten worse.

Charlie Higson

#22. We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Henny Youngman

#23. But a funny thing happens when you tell a man that you don't want to get married: they don't believe you. They think you're lying to yourself or to them or you're trying to trick them in some way and you end up being made to feel worse for just telling the truth.

Jami Attenberg

#24. Barefoot and pregnant. After the ruckus last night, I suppose I wouldn't be all that shocked if you managed it," Elijah muttered as Stunt passed him.

Stunt was officially in hell. It was like getting caught by his parents having sex. Worse...kinky sex.

Lyn Gala

#25. Dad, I'll never do any better. He's smart and funny and good-looking.."
Stephanie," he took both my hands, "how could you do any worse?"
Best rhetorical question ever.

Stephanie Klein

#26. There's this funny thing about empathy. It's not actually in limited supply. Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean you don't deserve to be understood. To feel comfort.

Cora Carmack

#27. I think it's very funny that someone would exaggerate to make himself look worse.

David Leavitt

#28. It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.

Art Buchwald

#29. It gets worse. Josh tell her that he loves her. She says it back. He touches her. She touches him back. And then they're losing their virginity on the floor of her bedroom beside her pet rabbit, Isis.
A rabbit.
Josh literally lost his virginity in front of a metaphor for sex.

Stephanie Perkins

#30. What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.

Gena Showalter

#31. You look worse today than you did when you had two black
eyes."
"Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things.

Gwen Hayes

#32. How's it going down there?"
"It's weird. They're too polite, they talk funny, and stuff has too much shine on it. But the coffee's worse than Central's, so that's something.

J.D. Robb

#33. Funny thing about the monster. The worse he treats you, the more you love him.

Ellen Hopkins

#34. I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be better for mankind-and all the worse for the fishes.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

#35. Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company, the extraordinarily good sex and the funny stories more than made up for it - apparently.

Jasper Fforde

#36. Mortimer Lindquist seemed to have finally given in to the inevitable. I'd seen him with a bad toupee, and with an even worse comb-over, but this was the first time I'd seen him sporting a full-on Charles Xavier.

Jim Butcher

#37. Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Andy Borowitz

#38. I make funny videos. I hate saying I'm a comedian because then people stick their finger in your face and demand you tell a joke. But the other thing people call me is 'a YouTube sensation,' which is even worse.

Katie Nolan

#39. The thing about For Better or Worse is the only thing that made me an okay director for that is that I have a sense of humor, and it was supposed to be funny.

Jason Alexander

#40. What are you doing?"
"I'm, uh, acting normal."
"No you're not. You're acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don't act like you're not pretending, that'll make it worse.

Derek Landy