Witty Self Quotes

#1. I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

Ljupka Cvetanova

#2. Talking to them was like being placed into conversational purgatory, with no hope of being released without significant damage to one's self-esteem.

Elizabeth Eulberg

#3. He grinned. "Busted. I'm a monster. Jev is my deceptively harmless - and shockingly handsome - alter ego."
"And I'm on top of it," she announced with witty triumph.
"Is that a Freudian slip?"
His bluntness caught her off guard. A self-conscious blush rose in her face.

Becca Fitzpatrick

#4. Beneath my own witty, profession facade were oceans of fear, whole rivers of self-doubt.

Caroline Knapp

#5. Of course I had to talk to myself. I had no prayer God. I had no prayer doG. Why not reverse bark and froth and recite verse?

Brian Spellman

#6. The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to be able to quote another's wit.

Christian Nestell Bovee

#7. Remorse presupposes enough self-forgetfulness to feel the pain ofothers.

Helen Prejean

#8. Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

#9. She [Gypsy Rose Lee] was a sophisticated self-satirist with a contagious delight in the comedy of sex. She was coy; she was sly; she always had a witty quip; she had an intensely dramatic presence.

Karen Abbott

#10. Dedication and enthusiams are the greatest rewards for learning

Isabel Ramos

#11. Whatever money you might have, self-worth really lies in finding out what you do best.

J.K. Rowling

#12. I am attracted to intelligence, a witty sense of humor, an adventurous outlook on life and spiritual awareness about one's self and the world.

Tanit Phoenix

#13. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this. It

Eoin Colfer

#14. My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Steve Kluger

#15. You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

Derek Landy

#16. After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood

Fred Thompson

#17. He spoke with such self-confidence that his hearers could not be sure whether what he said was very witty or very stupid.

Leo Tolstoy

#18. I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, "Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear." I decide to go ahead and like Boggs.

Suzanne Collins

#19. It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Andy Borowitz

#20. You're not enjoying yourself," Syl said. "You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny." "Says the man not laughing," she replied, folding her arms.

Brandon Sanderson

#21. For table-talk, I prefer the pleasant and witty before the learned and the grave; in bed, beauty before goodness.

Michel De Montaigne

#22. I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

George Burns

#23. ( ... ) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.

Keary Taylor