The Colbert Report Quotes

#1. Both 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report,' you're working with the best. When you work with the best, you have to raise your game. If you're working with people who are sub par, you're not forced to give 100 percent because you can get by on 80 percent.

Nate Corddry

#2. Material possessions do not last, but memories last forever.

Margo Vader

#3. When you don't have a job (requiring reading) and you are doing your own reading you've got deep psychological questions. As deep as those of a little boy.

Joseph Campbell

#4. I still can't believe that I went on 'The Colbert Report' myself; for the appearance I wore a lot of makeup, my hair was curled like a poodle's, and I could barely breathe in my Spanx undergarments. But, hey - an authoress has to lean in, right?

Edan Lepucki

#5. You're eleven years old, Mr. Potter!" she said in a harsh whisper.
"And therefore subhuman. Sorry ... for a moment there, I forgot.

Eliezer Yudkowsky

#6. The characters in my films try to live honestly and make the most of the lives they've been given. I believe you must live honestly and develop your abilities to the full. People who do this are the real heroes.

Akira Kurosawa

#7. I recognize that I'm probably the luckiest novelist in recent memory, because Sherman Alexie, a writer I greatly admire, raved about my book on 'The Colbert Report,' and then Mr. Colbert himself urged his viewers to buy it - on his show and on Twitter.

Edan Lepucki

#8. I'm a huge 'Game of Thrones' fan. I'm really into the 'Colbert Report' and 'Last Week Tonight.' And I really like to get on Netflix and watch, like, TV documentaries about: What happened to the mastodon? Or who was Jack the Ripper?

Scott Michael Foster

#9. In a world divided by chimpophiles and bonobophiles, we all had a good laugh when Stephen peeled his banana. (62)

Frans De Waal

#10. There were voices on the other side - eldritch voices, the sort of voices that mere typography will remain totally unable to convey until someone can make a linotype machine with echo-reverb and, possibly, a typeface that looks like something said by a slug.

Terry Pratchett

#11. The stranger, with an unlit cigarette between his teeth, turns first. The unflattering elevator lighting enshrouds him in jaundice yellow and a heavy veil of lethargy. Kyungsoo wonders, with the cinquillo pounding into his veins, if the man's skin is as plastic as it seems.

Changdictator

#12. I will continue my consistent record of voting for lower taxes, less spending and fewer regulations to make our government more effective and efficient while upholding our Constitution.

Roscoe Bartlett

#13. I report, I decide.

Stephen Colbert

#14. We don't have to be harsh with ourselves when we think, sitting here, that our meditation or our oryoki or the way we are in the world is in the category of worst horse.

Pema Chodron

#15. F**k them is what I say. I hate those ebooks. They can not be the future. They may well be. I will be dead. I won't give a s**t.

Maurice Sendak

#16. I was there that first night her called you. I've seen how he looked at you in pictures. Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you.

Stephanie Perkins

#17. In 2007 and 2008, the first two Danish ships were hijacked. I started to research it. I've had the idea of writing in this arena for a long time, but I could never find the angle of what kind of story.

Tobias Lindholm

#18. Why won't you give me what I want?

Christina Lauren

#19. For my wife Mary Corliss and me, 'Colbert' has been destination viewing. Even in the early years, we never took the show's excellence for granted, agreeing that someday we'd look back on the double whammy of 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report' as the golden age of TV's singeing singing satire.

Richard Corliss

#20. Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding.

Stephen Colbert

#21. Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

Stephen Colbert

#22. People are watching TV, they're watching some clips on their iPhone. I mean, some folks are sitting there on the iPhone, watching the Colbert Report, and meanwhile there's a huge plasma TV right in front of them that they could be watching it on.

Biz Stone

#23. If there is no justice in a country, who can claim that, that country is a country? An injustice country is just a rubbish bin!

Mehmet Murat Ildan

#24. Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state
that makes people want to flee the Earth?"
- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,
"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005

Stephen Colbert

#25. Any book which inspires us to lead a better life is a good book.

Fulton J. Sheen

#26. We have visited the world wide web,' the king said. 'We know about the stoplight. The changes have begun. You are lying to us.

Faith McKay