Colbert Report Quotes

#1. I still can't believe that I went on 'The Colbert Report' myself; for the appearance I wore a lot of makeup, my hair was curled like a poodle's, and I could barely breathe in my Spanx undergarments. But, hey - an authoress has to lean in, right?

Edan Lepucki

#2. I recognize that I'm probably the luckiest novelist in recent memory, because Sherman Alexie, a writer I greatly admire, raved about my book on 'The Colbert Report,' and then Mr. Colbert himself urged his viewers to buy it - on his show and on Twitter.

Edan Lepucki

#3. I'm a huge 'Game of Thrones' fan. I'm really into the 'Colbert Report' and 'Last Week Tonight.' And I really like to get on Netflix and watch, like, TV documentaries about: What happened to the mastodon? Or who was Jack the Ripper?

Scott Michael Foster

#4. For my wife Mary Corliss and me, 'Colbert' has been destination viewing. Even in the early years, we never took the show's excellence for granted, agreeing that someday we'd look back on the double whammy of 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report' as the golden age of TV's singeing singing satire.

Richard Corliss

#5. Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

Stephen Colbert

#6. People are watching TV, they're watching some clips on their iPhone. I mean, some folks are sitting there on the iPhone, watching the Colbert Report, and meanwhile there's a huge plasma TV right in front of them that they could be watching it on.

Biz Stone

#7. Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state
that makes people want to flee the Earth?"
- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,
"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005

Stephen Colbert

#8. Both 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report,' you're working with the best. When you work with the best, you have to raise your game. If you're working with people who are sub par, you're not forced to give 100 percent because you can get by on 80 percent.

Nate Corddry

#9. You would not believe how many words there are for 'home' and what savage music there can be wrung from it.

Edna O'Brien

#10. For the world was built in order around the atoms march in tune; Rhyme the pipe, and Time the warder, The sun obeys them, and the moon.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

#11. I've certainly played those leading man or male juvenile roles, where you're not supposed to make people laugh.

Andrew Rannells

#12. The friends you meet over forty are really juicy. They are highly emulsified and full of flavor. Now that you're starting to have a sense of who you are, you know better what kind of friend you want and need.

Amy Poehler

#13. Try and make it right, and if you can't, that's on them, not you. Forgiveness shouldn't be stockpiled by anyone. It should be given freely.

Karina Halle

#14. Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding.

Stephen Colbert

#15. Job interview question: Q: Where do you see yourself five years from now?A: Well, five years from now I see myself being able to answer this question.

Matthew Dickson

#16. I listen to the grinding whir of the clock, and the creaking of my listing bed, and the sound the phone doesn't make when it's shut off.

Michael Montoure

#17. F**k them is what I say. I hate those ebooks. They can not be the future. They may well be. I will be dead. I won't give a s**t.

Maurice Sendak

#18. I report, I decide.

Stephen Colbert

#19. Our assignment has never been about what we can do for God, but what can God do through us.

Bill Johnson

#20. Who but an English professor would threaten to kill a duck a day and hold up a goose as an example?

Richard Russo

#21. In a world divided by chimpophiles and bonobophiles, we all had a good laugh when Stephen peeled his banana. (62)

Frans De Waal

#22. Sexual harassment legislation feels unfair to men because if they sued over an ethnic joke, or over a woman discussing pornography or asking them out, they'd be laughed out of the company.

Warren Farrell

#23. Let us try to heal the mind first before we heal the body.

Debasish Mridha

#24. If you use one of the multi-core Node.js modules, such as cluster, you should create a separate Couchbase connection object for each thread.

David Ostrovsky