Top 68 Science Humour Quotes
#1. That's what I always liked about science fiction - you can make the world end. Humour is my multiple warhead delivery system.
Gary Shteyngart
#2. Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
#3. A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.
Douglas Adams
#4. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.
Douglas Adams
#5. I had this terrible nightmare; I dreamt I was a politician and they were dragging me off to parliament
Rassool Jibraeel Snyman
#7. For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere).
Bill Bryson
#8. I don't know if you've ever been covered head to toe in prickle bush, but let me tell you, it's not a pleasant experience, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Elizabeth Newton
#9. Come on, Rory! It isn't rocket science, it's just quantum physics!
-The Doctor (Matt Smith)
Steven Moffat
#10. It turns out that understanding the British public is not rocket science. The British appreciate honesty and they also have a bonkers, off-the-wall sense of humour like me.
Nicole Scherzinger
#11. They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.
Karl Pilkington
#12. The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.
Douglas Adams
#13. All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missing - and he won't be missed either.
G.K. Chesterton
#14. It is rare to find learned men who are clean, do not stink and have a sense of humour.
Baron De Montesquieu
#15. Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.
Geoffroy Birtz
#16. This has serveral consequences, starting with screwing over most cryptography algorithms
translation: all your bank account are belong to us
Charles Stross
#17. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.
Douglas Adams
#18. Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.
Charlie Brooker
#19. Is in vitro fertilization where you have all the fun in a glass house?
Dr Steven Bottomley
#20. How can one look happy when he is contemplating the anomolous Zeeman effect? (Wolfgang Pauli)
Manjit Kumar
#21. NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
Stephen Colbert
#22. Fatigue fatigue is when you're tired of being tired.
Michael McGirr
#23. Lot of damn mixin' things up and saying, hey, what'll happen if we add a drop of the yellow stuff, and then goin' around without yer eyebrows for a fortnight.
Terry Pratchett
#24. I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.
Ray Bradbury
#25. Life," said Marvin dolefully, "loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
Douglas Adams
#27. My love for Neo-Tokyo is a bulbous mass
of post-human organic circuitry.
Cyperpunk is my mother tongue.
My love is a man-machine interface gun.
Yann Rousselot
#28. We all have dream cars,dream houses and jobs but as soon as we stop dreaming we wake up go take a pee. the world is waiting out here don't just dream,make it a dream.
Mohlalefi J Motsima
#29. I know about dance, like the creationist knows about science, and typically treat it with a similar contempt
Eilian J. Richmond
#30. Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero.
Gaurav Rao
#31. Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes
Riley Amos Westbrook
#32. Another oral exam, huh?' Peter said.
'Shut up, Peter,' said Valentine.
'You should relax and enjoy it,' said Peter. 'It could be worse.'
'I don't know how.'
'It could be an anal exam.
Orson Scott Card
#33. So I wrote what I hoped would be science fiction, I was not at all sure if what I wrote would be acceptable even. But I don't say that I consciously wrote with humour. Humour is a part of you that comes out.
Robert Sheckley
#34. On a world where a common table implement is a little device with which you crack the ice that has formed on your drink between drafts, hot beer is a thing you come to appreciate.
Ursula K. Le Guin
#35. A lot of people view science as dull or boring, and I think the stance we take, using humour, not taking ourselves too seriously ... I think people enjoy that. I think it's quite refreshing.
Elise Andrew
#36. So after they'd been swindled and bamboozled by the Terrans enough times they retreated to their home planets and bolted all the doors and drew all the curtains. Terrans are tricky customers to deal with even for other humans, so a saintly robot would have had no chance.
J.H.G. Foss
#37. We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
Douglas Adams
#38. Anna, like most English speakers, thought GASP was a silly name for the project. But the name got the point across. If there were modern wonders of the world, GASP - and Kali - stood as far above them as the Colossus of Rhodes had stood above man.
A. Ashley Straker
#39. Yeah, but will it hurt?"' I asked.
"This is science, Zach," Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. "Of course it will hurt.
John Zakour
#40. Step up to red alert."
Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."
- Rimmer & Kryten, "Red Dwarf
Rob Grant
#41. Science seeks the right answer, humor the right wrong answer.
Brian Spellman
#42. Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy.
Douglas Adams
#43. US government button specifications run to twenty-two pages. This fact on its own yields a sense of what it is like to design garments for the Army.
Mary Roach
#44. Whilst it may be our species greatest achievement, responsible for every technological advance we have or ever will make, science is also poop and sex and boogers.
Katie McKissick
#45. Jake's in trouble.'
Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?'
'He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think it's good.'
'Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us?
Sharon Sant
#46. Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for the ride?
Robert Rankin
#47. The unfortunate 8075 hadn't survived his assault, splintering apart, fragments of its casing skittering across the bench. The battery within had split along its plane, revealing something as out-of-place as a missile in a bathtub.
A. Ashley Straker
#48. Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?'
'Er ... yes.'
'But he's not actually thinking?'
'Er ... no.'
'So ... he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show?'
'Er ... yes.'
Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully
Terry Pratchett
#49. I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough!
A.A. Bell
#50. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to live!
A.A. Bell
#51. Telescopes and bathyscapes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here.
Randall Munroe
#52. Furious and wild with fear, the potatoes flailed the air with their leaves and stamped their roots, but obviously this got them nowhere.
Stanislaw Lem
#53. I didn't wait for Luck. I tore after it with a truck.
A.A. Bell
#54. If one cannot see gravitation acting here, he has no soul.
Richard Feynman
#55. Space is infinite. To the mind that means freedom, liberation.' So wrote Arisko, our greatest turkle philosopher, in his most famous work, 'Thoughts In A Bathtub'," said Dottia, dreamily, in an inspired state.
Philip Dodd
#56. EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
Ambrose Bierce
#57. True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of eighty is left in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens.
Woody Allen
#58. After all, what else is scientific enquiry of any sort other than a controlled version of banging one's head against the universe until something gives?
Tom Holt
#59. Howl howl gargle howl gargle howl howl howl gargle howl gargle howl howl gargle gargle howl gargle gargle gargle howl slurrp uuuurgh should have a good time. Message repeats.
Douglas Adams
#60. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before
and thus was the Empire forged.
Douglas Adams
#61. What is Gornite? Why can't you heat it? Will it make you laugh? - I hope so
Lucas Riddle
#62. Matter or energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. Except for money. Money is imaginary.
Kevin J.J. Carpenter
#64. Jack the Hellhound: "Make sure you get a booth in the back so they don't see you in assassin-gear and more importantly, to keep the handsome dog hidden."
Robert Knight: "Where's the handsome dog? All I see is an ugly mutt!"
Jack the Hellhound: "You're so funny I'm busting a gut.
Ben Garvey
#65. One of the biggest religions on Roundworld was founded by a carpenter's son!' Ponder snarled. 'For years, the most powerful person on the planet was an actor! There's got to be room for Darwin!
Terry Pratchett
#66. She laughed. 'See? You can do philosophy!'
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'Don't insult me.
Alex Scarrow
#67. Despite centuries of English literature, the most famous split infinitive in all of history comes from Star Trek.
R. Curtis Venture
#68. Her computer's fan whirred to life, blowing warm air onto her fingers. Two flame-red slits glowed from the monitor. The speakers boomed. "I lived! I died! I live again!"
Olivie had dealt with blue screens, frozen hourglasses, and even the odd hardware conflict back in the day. This was new.
Choong JayVee
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