Top 37 Charlie Brooker Quotes
#1. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.
Charlie Brooker
#2. Celebrity' is increasingly the only role the media can process,
Charlie Brooker
#3. The iPad falls between two stools - not quite a laptop, not quite a smartphone. In other words, it's the spork of the electronic consumer goods world.
Charlie Brooker
#4. When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.
Charlie Brooker
#5. At the other end of the spectrum, George Gideon Oliver King Rameses Osborne, the fourteen-year-old novelty Chancellor and future baronet of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon - a man so posh he probably weeps champagne.
Charlie Brooker
#6. Whenever anything nice happens in the world I always expect something appalling to happen immediately afterwards.
Charlie Brooker
#7. Who do hats think they are? They contribute nothing to society, and don't even display basic manners. Has a hat ever held a door open for you? No. It hasn't.
Charlie Brooker
#8. It's spider season. Every year, right about now, thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the bowels of hell (or the garden, whichever's nearest) with the sole intention of tormenting humankind.
Charlie Brooker
#9. Hi-def is merely the latest in a string of evolutional leaps that have transformed the way we sit slumped in front of a box wishing we were dead.
Charlie Brooker
#10. Did I say 'aspect ratio'? Yes I did. And if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, there's a very good chance your television at home is set to the wrong aspect ratio, in which case I'd like you to stop reading right now and punch yourself hard in the kidneys.
Charlie Brooker
#12. In many ways, Big Brother is the present day equivalent of a 1980s Club 18-30 Holiday - flirting, sunbathing, silly little organised games, and lots of people you'd like to remove from the genepool with a cricket bat.
Charlie Brooker
#13. She's got zero interest in honest-to-goodness human-on-human action. No. It's magic farmyard creatures or nothing for her.
Charlie Brooker
#14. One of life's sorest tragedies is that the people who brim with confidence are always the wrong people.
Charlie Brooker
#15. If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality.
Charlie Brooker
#17. One of the benefits of aligning yourself with an indistinct cluster of people is that claiming to feel their pain is often enough.
Charlie Brooker
#18. Don't accuse anyone with the temerity to question your sad supernatural fantasies of having a 'closed mind' or being 'blind to possibilities'. A closed mind asks no questions, unthinkingly accepting that which it wants to believe. The blindness is all yours.[17
Charlie Brooker
#20. DARK AGE LOSERS PROBLY USED TURNIPS FOR IPHONES LOL!!!!
Charlie Brooker
#21. We spend more time gazing at luminous screens than into the eyes of our loved ones.
Charlie Brooker
#22. Technology is a global thing and wherever you go, people are prodding the same devices and worrying in the same way and have had their lives slightly altered in the same way.
Charlie Brooker
#23. Everyone had clearly spent far too long perfecting their appearance. I used to feel intimidated by people like this; now I see them as walking insecurity beacons, slaves to the perceived judgment of others, trapped within a self- perpetuating circle of crushing status anxiety.
Charlie Brooker
#24. Your grades are not your destiny: they're just letters and numbers which rate how well you performed in one artificial arena, once.
Charlie Brooker
#26. [Worshipping God] is like fellating someone who intermittently stubs fags out on your head for no good reason. And we all know how unsatisfying that can be.
Charlie Brooker
#27. Parties somehow represent the rationing of fun, and that very concept depresses me. You're allowed to act like a tit at parties; therefore by implication, you're not allowed to act like a tit the rest of the time
Charlie Brooker
#28. Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.
Charlie Brooker
#29. I wish I enjoyed the World Cup, if only for some fleeting sense of common unity with the rest of humankind. But I simply don't get it. A huge number of my fellow citizens tune in and witness a glorious contest of ecstatic highs and heartbreaking lows. I see twenty-two millionaires fucking up a lawn.
Charlie Brooker
#30. Being slagged off is good for you. It thickens the skin and strengthens the backbone.
Charlie Brooker
#31. Proper work usually involves performing a task you hate on behalf of people you'd gleefully club to death with a bull's knee if only it were legal to do so
Charlie Brooker
#33. Technical in the social situation, sociable in the technical situation? That's the hallmark of a nerd.
Charlie Brooker
#34. If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.
Charlie Brooker
#36. The biggest teenage taboo is being strait-laced. It's easy to tell a researcher you went to a house party that turned into an orgy. It's less easy to say you like eating toast and watching QI.
Charlie Brooker
#37. Society? Can we trust us? Doubt it. We're probably not even real, as was revealed in the popular documentary The Matrix. That bloke next door? Made of pixels. Your co-workers? Pixels. You? One pixel. One measly pixel. You haven't even got shoes, for Christ's sake.
Charlie Brooker
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
