Top 77 Quotes About Your Funeral
#1. View your life from your funeral, looking back at your life experiences, what have you accomplished? What would you have wanted to accomplish but didn't? What were the happy moments? What were the sad? What would you do again, and what you wouldn't
Viktor E. Frankl
#2. No one has, because even in this middle age, he's sensitive, and if you say the wrong thing, he'll show the world just how sensitive he is by crying at your funeral.
Paul Beatty
#3. I don't particularly want to think of your funeral because I'd much prefer to die before you do. But I mean, if I were going to your funeral, at any rate it would be an orgy of grief. I should take a lot of handkerchiefs.
Agatha Christie
#4. I could hear the exasperation in her voice, so beautiful and familiar, but sad, too, like hearing church bells right before your funeral.
Brock Clarke
#5. You can have money piled to the ceiling but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather.
Chuck Tanner
#6. The two men examined Ahren.
"I think you can never have too many hot guys at your funeral. It makes a statement. That statement being, 'And adored by hot fuckable men the world over'.
J.B. Hartnett
#7. ... on being somewhat antisocial-
"You have less people at your funeral but you get more reading time.
Robert James Waller
#8. Westboro Baptist Church: STOP. Stop protesting the funerals of our soldiers who died in action because you are anti-gay. When one of you dies, I'm going to show up with a couple of gay veterans and we're going to do a musical at your funeral.
Billy Crystal
#9. No matter how rich you become, how famous or how powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
Michael Prichard
#10. Gerald Westerby, he told himself. You were present at your birth. You were present at your several marriages and at some of your divorces, and you will certainly be present at your funeral. High time, in our considered view, that you were present at certain other crucial moments in your history.
John Le Carre
#11. Imagine yourself at your funeral. Ask yourself what you want your family and friends to say about you. How will you be remembered and what impact will you have had on other people's lives? How did you make the world a better place?
Robert Cheeke
#12. I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
Scott Adams
#13. It doesn't matter how big a ranch you own or how many cows you brand, the size of your funeral is still gonna depend on the weather.
Harry S. Truman
#14. So die as though your funeral
Ushered you through the doors that led
Into a stately banquet hall
Where heroes banqueted.
Alan Seeger
#15. You can spend your whole life trying to be popular, but at the end of the day, the size of the crowd at your funeral will be largely dictated by the weather.
Frank Skinner
#16. To hear how much of a great human being you were - even if you really weren't - open your ears at your funeral.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#17. You can't choreograph death, but you can choreograph your funeral.
Marina Abramovic
#18. People don't understand that all presidents, the minute they become president, get a knock at the door. And there's a man there saying, 'Let's talk about your funeral.' At the time I thought, God, that's a terrible thing. Later on, I thought it was pretty wise.
Nancy Reagan
#19. Relax, Medea. We've come to see your mother. (Tory)
Your funeral. (Medea)
It's always so good to see you, too. You're just such a ray of happy sunshine. I so look forward to all our interactions. (Tory)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#20. Be the person they'll claim you were at your funeral.
Dan Moore
#21. Earlier, I'd found Lark in the gym, telling her, "I'm giving Cyclops a bath."
Her response: "Your funeral.
Kresley Cole
#22. When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, "As long as I can walk and I'm healthy, there's always tomorrow."
Andrew Dice Clay
#23. People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.
Cleveland Amory
#24. But through it all I held Mrs. Pettibone's words in my heart-the ones she spoke to me after the funeral when she took my hand, looked into my face and said, You've got your father's eyes.
Joan Bauer
#25. Drab?" Soldier yelled. "I'll give you drab. Beat her, would you? Beat my wife? I'll feed your head to the vultures, you snotty little hamster with your golden pelt and buttery looks!
Kim Hunter
#26. Simonides of Amorgos says, "Women are the greatest evil God ever created: if they sometimes seem useful, they soon change into trouble for their masters." For Hipponax: "There are but two days in life when your wife brings you joy: her wedding day and her funeral.
Simone De Beauvoir
#27. There are songs about abortions, about slashing your arms with razors, about imagining your own funeral in New Orleans, about rock stars cheating on their wives, sex.
Courtney Love
#28. Am I grave?', he asked. 'I had an idea I was grinning from ear to ear.'
'You look as if you were taking me to a funeral. If that's a grin, your ears are very near together.
Henry James
#29. I count too heavily on birthdays, though I know I shouldn't. Inevitably I begin to assess my life by them, figure out how I'm doing by how many people remember; it's like the old fantasy of attending your own funeral: You get to see who your friends are, get to see who shows up.
Lorrie Moore
#30. Give your Friends Roses while they are still alive; don't wait until their funeral.
-Robert L. Biehl (my dad)
Bobb Biehl
#31. Do not bring your dog. (advice for attending a funeral)
Mark Twain
#32. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell. You grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on. She is dead. You are alive. So live.
Neil Gaiman
#33. Because your little inspirational speech was about as uplifting as a kitten funeral.
Sarah Dalton
#34. A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Eddie Cantor
#36. I never go to weddings. Waste of time. Person can get married a dozen times. Lots of folks do. Family like ours, know everybody in the state of Texas and around outside, why, you could spend your life going to weddings. But a funeral, that's different. You only die once.
Edna Ferber
#37. I did not see your mother at the funeral,' she said, following the thought. 'She stopped coming to them after her own,' Paul answered simply.
Frances Hardinge
#38. I want words at my funeral. But I guess that means you need life in your life.
Markus Zusak
#40. Instead of slapping her head, I do what they tell you to do: count to ten. Only I do it the gifted way: 123+456+789+10. When your sister has hurtled you swerving into the darkness, stranded you at a funeral home, and threatens to get you in trouble, just stop and count to 1,378 before you respond.
Jo Ann Beard
#41. You are despicable and such cowards that you won't even share your dead bodies with the Earth, but put them inside wooden and metal coffins to "protect" them. From what?
Carl Abrahamsson
#42. I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
Brendan Behan
#43. If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you in the funeral experience, you will find your definition of success.
Stephen Covey
#44. So might I suggest at your earliest convenience that you pay a visit to the Okins Funeral Salon to make arrangements?"
"Why'd I wanna do that?" she says so damn snippy.
"Because on my return visit you can count on my beatin' the ever-lovin' shit outta you with a rusty shovel. Twice.
Lesley Kagen
#45. He whispered as he kissed down her neck. "I would love nothing more than to take you right here on the counter, Fire Angel, but if I'm late to meet with your grandmothers, they might just decide to throw my ass on a funeral pyre and I wouldn't be back for three days.
Brynn Myers
#46. Everything we've been through in our lives we've done together. I held her hand at your parent's funeral, remember your mom's lemon pie every time I go through the produce section. I know she hates storms and love being there for her when she reaches out.
Adriana Locke
#47. Whatever you think matters - doesn't. Follow this rule, and you will add decades to your life.
Roger Rosenblatt
#48. Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
H.L. Mencken
#49. I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author off. So your own innermost thoughts are grist for the mill.
Terry Pratchett
#50. I hope you die ...
P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.
Michael Ian Black
#51. Emotion, whether of ridicule, anger, or sorrow,
whether raised at a puppet show, a funeral, or a battle,
is your grandest of levellers. The man who would be always superior should be always apathetic.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton
#52. In some circles, admitting you love Top 40 radio is tantamount to bragging you gave your grandmother the clap, in church, in the front row at your aunt's funeral, but those are the circles I avoid like the plague or, for that matter, the clap.
Rob Sheffield
#53. There's a convention that one doesn't speak ill of the dead. That's stupid, I think. The truth's always the truth. On the whole it's better to keep your mouth shut about living people. You might conceivably injure them. The dead are past that. But the harm they've done lives after them sometimes.
Agatha Christie
#54. Never write a line you'd be ashamed to read at your own funeral.
L.M. Montgomery
#55. Conner hadn't liked leaving the gravesite with his father still not buried. But he'd learned from his grandmother's funeral that you have to go. It's expected. Nobody hangs around the cemetary. Grief - a little or a lot - is tucked into your pocket and carried away.
Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson
#56. As many bands as you heard [in New Orleans], that's how many bands you heard playing right. I thought I was in Heaven playing second trumpet in the Tuxedo Brass Band
and they had some funeral marches that would just touch your heart, they were so beautiful.
Louis Armstrong
#58. It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!
Chris Tucker
#59. The test of your worldview is not how you act in the good times. The test of your worldview is how you act at the funeral. Having been through literally hundreds if not thousands of funerals: ... It makes a difference what you believe.
Rick Warren
#60. Mum, at Sam's funeral, I didn't cry ... is that
is that normal?"
"Lauren, write in your journal and you'll feel better.
Amelia Mysko
#61. Nobody really wants to be your friend when they discover that you work with dead people.
Rebecca McNutt
#62. How could you go about choosing something that would hold the half of your heart you had to bury?
Jodi Picoult
#63. You owe me!" -Stephanie
"Why do I owe you?" -Joe
"I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie
"Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe
"Well if you are going to be picky about it ... " -Stephanie
Janet Evanovich
#64. When in doubt, when flat on your back, you can look at the ceiling. Who knows what you may see, up there? Funeral wreaths and angels, constellations of dust, stellar or otherwise, the puzzles left by spiders. There's always something to occupy the inquiring mind.
Margaret Atwood
#65. I remembered back to leo's burial and holding your hand. I was eleven and you were six, your hand soft and small in mine. As the vicar said 'in sure and certain hope of the resurrection of eternal life' you turned to me, 'I don't want sure and certain hope I want sure and certain Bee.
Rosamund Lupton
#66. If you want to know whether or not you have had a successful life, think about what people would say about you at your own funeral.
Lindsey Rietzsch
#67. If you want to really know what your friends and family think of you die broke, and then see who shows up for the funeral.
Gregory Nunn
#68. An everlasting funeral marches round your heart.
Arthur Miller
#69. Your coffin reached the monstrous hole. And a part of me went down into the muddy earth with you and lay down next to you and died with you.
Rosamund Lupton
#70. Sometimes funerals can be good. It reunites you with your cousins you haven't seen in a while.
David Burtka
#71. If we have another 2,000 people killed, I want Nancy Pelosi and George Soros, John Conyers and Pat Leahy to go to the funeral and say, 'Your son was vaporized because we didn't want to dump some guy's head under water for 30 seconds.'
Peter T. King
#72. He must deny his right to himself, and he must realize who Jesus Christ is before he will bring himself to do it. Beware of refusing to go to the funeral of your own independence
Oswald Chambers
#73. If my fans want to do something for me when that time comes, I say, don't waste your money on me. Help the homeless. Help the needy ... people who don't have no food ... Instead of some big funeral, where they come from here and there and all over. Save it.
B.B. King
#74. Conduct your triumph as a funeral.
Laozi
#75. It's a funny phenomenon. You can never visit your own funeral, but if you want to see how people feel about you, commit a crime.
Elizabeth L. Silver
#76. Weddings and funerals are when you figure out who your real friends are.
Amy Dickinson
#77. Every morning I walk by a funeral home, and that's my productivity hack for how to make sure your to-do list is properly prioritized.
Anil Dash
