Quotes About Dildo

#1. To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he's a machine, a walking dildo. It's often said that men use women. Use them for what ?Surely not pleasure.

Valerie Solanas

#2. Well excuse me! How was I supposed to know that a pink baseball cap with a dildo glued on top isn't a "hard hat"?

Jarod Kintz

#3. Imagine, the task force guy says, telling a passenger on arrival that a dildo kept her baggage on the East Coast. Sometimes it's even a man. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article. A dildo. Never your dildo.

Chuck Palahniuk

#4. Better yet - I'll buy him a dildo with his own money, send it to him, and tell him to go fuck himself
from The Art of Submission by Ella Dominguez

Ella Dominguez

#5. Whatever humanity I had has been fucked out of me with a giant heavenly dildo." The man gave Dew a wink. "But I guess you'd know about that, right?" "Don't

David G. Barnett

#6. It popped up on my Outlook calendar, flagged in red like an inflamed pimple full of infected bureaucratic pus ... I've been trying desperately to get it shifted, but no, it is stuck like a king-sized dildo in a guinea pig.

Charles Stross

#7. It seemed harmless enough until she misplaced her "Dildo" and started calling the neighbors to ask if she could borrow one of theirs!

Mollie Gross

#8. This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumb
As ever was candle, carrot, or thumb;
Then away with these nasty devices, and show
How you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo.

John Wilmot

#9. I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside.
"Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know.

Kim Harrison

#10. I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed

Bo Burnham

#11. Tilli stroked her Chihuahua. Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo.

Tom Robbins

#12. Never, ever say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

Chuck Palahniuk

#13. I made a note on my phone to create a Swiss Army Dillo but spell-check changed it to "Create a Swiss Army Dildo," which frankly just seems painful and excessive.

Jenny Lawson

#14. Only someone with antediluvian views on sex would be anti-dildo-lovin'.

Brian McElroy

#15. Kat! Look at this!" my best friend squealed, turning around, holding a huge glass dildo in her hand. Oh, my God. How did I ever let her drag me to a fucking porn convention?

Mariana Zapata

#16. At worst, she kept him around so he could make her feel better when she needed it, a winning combination of a pet and a dildo.

Aleksandar Hemon

#17. The only colors I could see were the vibrant primary hues of the pinball machine, where a cartoon spacewoman with big conical breasts straddled the earth in a formfitting blue space suit and thigh-high yellow boots. Behind her, a big red dildo-shaped spaceship was just blasting off for the moon.

Sue Grafton

#18. And was taken to the Forward Docks and a big, brightly lit hangar, where the Psychopath Class ex-Rapid Offensive Unit Frank Exchange of Views was waiting for her. Ulver laughed. 'It looks,' she snorted, 'like a dildo!' 'That's appropriate,' Churt Lyne said. 'Armed, it can fuck solar systems.

Iain M. Banks

#19. Cops do this every day, rifling closets and digging through your dildo drawer.

David Wong

#20. ... it would matter ... to the tens of thousands of young Americans ... who would ... be invited to put on uniforms, fly to the other side of the world, spread their nether cheeks, and sit down on the big green dildo that was Vietnam.

Stephen King

#21. Hack, hack, hack. I wouldn't pay twenty-five cents to spit on a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. And I think she's a horrible person, too. I know her ... So arrogant, so sure of herself. I'm sure she's carrying a dildo in her purse.

Truman Capote

#22. Some nasty bitch of a woman from the coven of moral and ethical standards tried to fry Rache" the pixy said apparently proud of it. "I pixed the Tink-blasted dildo, and Rache's black-arts boyfriend blew her right out the front door. "Bam!

Kim Harrison

#23. You don't fuck with fate, Oz, because she'll ass-rape you with no lube, wearing a spiked dildo.

Katrina Monroe

#24. When penetration is desired, the focus is on what works for the recipient: we have yet to meet a dildo that got hung up on its own needs.

Dossie Easton

#25. Tiger resists. "WAIT. We're ALL friends HERE. What is it you wanna talk about? SEX? The new DILDO my mom bought me? Or the HAIR on my sister's ASS-

Giorge Leedy

#26. Good God, the man is dumber than Tink's dildo...

Kim Harrison

#27. You named your dildo." "No," she said. "Dildo is a town in Newfoundland, Canada. I have a . . ." She lowered her voice. "Vibrator.

Jill Shalvis

#28. I'm gonna need a strap-on, a dildo, some lube, condoms, and more of that tequila.

Kendall Grey

#29. Okay. No joke, there is a talking, dancing, bright red, studded dildo on the screen. There are other ones that look like him, and I swear to God one is wearing a condom on his head. That's a kids' show?

Amber L. Johnson

#30. Actually last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little angora crop top told me he was gay a sex addict a narcotic addict a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo.

Helen Fielding

#31. Bikinis? Check. Sunscreen? Check. Dildo? Probably won't need it.

Felicia Ferraro

#32. ...they're currently planning to ram something unpleasant up our buttocks, probably a dildo covered in chili.

Christopher G. Nuttall

#33. You don't shower or shave for a month, until you smell like a sewer. Then you walk around for two weeks wearing a dress and a goalie mask with a dildo strapped to the front. That's what I did. And I will never be afraid of public humiliation again.

Neil Strauss

#34. I wouldn't fuck her with a ten-foot dildo. Okay, that's not true. I'd so fuck her. But I wouldn't like it. Yeah you're right. That's not true either.

Emma Chase