Pregnancy Humor Quotes

#1. You are pregnant, with child, in the family way. People, some of whom you hardly know, will begin to comment on your belly size. They might even give it a rub, like you have strapped an animal of some kind in your front side and given total strangers permission to pet you at their leisure.

Amy E. Spiegel

#2. Stacey: "I'm surprised you haven't thrown me out."
Comfort: "At your current weight, I'd need some sort of catapult.

Kristin Hannah

#3. I moved up beside Jamie."I have to go."
She frowned at me. "Where?"
I pressed a hand to the bottom of my belly. "My bladder.It-"
Ah." She gave a small laugh. "We interrupt this life-or-death situation for a pregnancy pee break. Don't see that in the movies, do you?

Kelley Armstrong

#4. WARD: I'll be home in time for dinner, honey.
JUNE: Alright - I'm pregnant - Have a fine day at work, dear.
WARD exits ... WARD reenters.
JUNE: Did you forget something, dear?
WARD: What did you say?
JUNE: I asked if you'd forgotten anything -

Benjamin R. Smith

#5. Then they took us to the birthing suite, which I call the electronic bullshit room because it's full of all sorts of electronic bullshit we can't fathom but are just glad to have on principle.

Suzanne Finnamore

#6. It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#7. I have a question. Is it okay to drink while you're pregnant ... if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?

Chelsea Handler

#8. Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.

Heather Chapple

#9. You can hear now. Your inner ear is formed.
I shout "I love you" into the bedroom. Then I feel stupid. Then I don't. This is pretty much the story of my life.

Suzanne Finnamore

#10. They're spreading out. Look unaware and sweet and innocent.
It's a little hard to look innocent when I'm as big as a house.

Christine Feehan

#11. Don't worry. Here's the thing I've learned about pregnancy. Everything feels like a crisis and everything turns out to be heartburn.

Cammie McGovern

#12. Isn't it wonderful to give birth to your own kind?

Lailah Gifty Akita

#13. Nothing says failed lesbianism quite like an accidental pregnancy.

Carlie Martece

#14. Of course I can do this. I'm pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn't change my personality.

Christine Feehan

#15. She hoped the menfolk were having a nice, relaxing road trip in that souped-up man car they were riding in because as soon as they got to the Roberts' house, she was pawning off the woman formerly known as her sister onto the dude whose sperm had apparently turned her into a she-devil.

Julie James

#16. It must be quite a shock to suddenly find out you're pregnant, seventeen times over - at your age, too.

Lois McMaster Bujold

#17. It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells ... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

Dave Barry

#18. Was she pregnant then?' asked Assad. Judging by the number of family members in his photos, it was a feminine condition with which he was quite familiar.

Jussi Adler-Olsen

#19. Her bun was baking, but her bloody heart was breaking.

Erin McCarthy

#20. What every new parent needs.a ton of expert advice, presented with humor and zero negativity, from two moms who instantly feel like your best friends. This is the one pregnancy guide that new parents will actually want to read.

Leslie Morgan Steiner

#21. A pregnancy tore up our lives. It's going to tear up hers. There's no hiding from that. A pregnancy's one of those things that doesn't hide well. It's kind of like trying to ignore an elephant in the living room.

Jennifer Greene

#22. For me, adoption was grief in reverse.

Jody Cantrell Dyer

#23. I feel like you're trying to convince me that we don't need condoms, but fuck that. If you impregnate me, I'm going to devour " you like a praying mantis." I pin Zeph against the wall and kiss her hard, because her threatening to kill or mutilate me is always so hot.

Gisele Walko

#24. Enjoy the moment while waiting.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#25. Enough about me and my tapeworm. How are you?

Rainbow Rowell

#26. I t was a well-known fact among Christian homeschoolers that public
schools were bastions of gangs, drugs, teen pregnancy, rap music, pop culture, secular humanism, witchcraft, and body piercings.

Josh Sundquist

#27. We did not determine our fate into the world. What we know is we are here in the world.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#28. Children are lovable and adorable.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#29. Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them.

Brett Kiellerop-Morris

#30. Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#31. Don't look at his groin. Don't look at his groin. Don't mention that he doesn't have a vagina, so 'we' is bullshit. This is not the time to mention your pet peeve about expectant fathers talking how 'we' are having a baby. Don't. Don't.

MaryJanice Davidson

#32. You look great," he said.
It made her smile, even if it was a lie. "I'm as big as a house."
He laughed. "I like houses. In fact, I'm thinking about architecture as a career.

Kristin Hannah