Never Too Old Funny Quotes

#1. When Chong made to sit down next to her, Lilah drew her knife and stabbed the point into the earth between them.
"I can see that you need some quiet time," he said and scuttled quickly away.

Jonathan Maberry

#2. There never was a man with such a face as yours, unless it was your father, and I suppose he is singeing his grizzled red beard by this time, unless you came straight from the old un without any father at all betwixt you; which I shouldn't wonder at, a bit.

Charles Dickens

#3. That's the funny thing about old people: they never seem in a hurry. I think old people have figured out that being five minutes late really doesn't matter much.

Shannon Wiersbitzky

#4. The sea, vast and wild as it is, bears thus the waste and wrecks of human art to its remotest shore. There is no telling what it may not vomit up.

Henry David Thoreau

#5. I still get very excited when people say they fall in love. It doesn't matter how old you are, falling in love is a beautiful thing. And I still act like I did when I was a teenager. I get fluttery and tap dance around. I'm never afraid of making funny faces or being completely goofy.

Cote De Pablo

#6. It's funny because ever since 'American Idol,' people look at me without makeup and think I'm 15 years old - they think I'm really young and quiet and shy, and that I've never been in a relationship and have never been in love or anything.

Candice Glover

#7. And do you know a funny thing? I'm almost fifty years old and I've never understood anything in my whole life.

Richard Yates

#8. He had no illusions about surviving the battle, or any real conscious thought about the battle at all. Logic and rational thought had been shed like a killer's false smile, and all that remained was death.

Cedric Nye

#9. Poor, dear old Mack, he was ninety-eight per cent perfect. His two percent failing was that he had absolutely no idea of the value or the power of arbitration. He was the veteran of a hundred battles, and I never once could say to the other fellow, 'Your dog started it.

William S. Hart

#10. It's funny, now there are so many bands that I can never remember any of their names. Maybe it's because I'm old.

Judd Apatow

#11. Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.

Adam McKay

#12. The live show is different from the album. It's different every night depending on where I am and how many months have gone by since I last performed.

Sandra Bernhard

#13. Our human nature is profoundly phototropic. Men obey their deepest instincts when they hold fast to light.

Gyorgy Kepes

#14. Bad weather's moving in," the old bird said, finally handing me a check.
Never seen so many tornadoes in my life.
We don't need no more of those," I agreed. "Last time one went through, the wind blew so hard I had to have my butt cheeks sewn back together.

Nick Wilgus

#15. Masks camouflage the faces of both good and evil.
Keeps hidden what is a truth and what is a lie.

Patti Roberts

#16. Eventual, as Pug used to say. When he wanted to say something was really good, he's never say it was awesome, like most people do; he'd say it was eventual. How funny is that? The old Pugmeister. I wonder how he's doing.

Stephen King

#17. We had always known that ours is a small country and that America is very big. But even as a seven-year-old, I was surprised that so many Americans has never noticed us on the map. Perhaps it's like driving a Yugo and realizing that the eighteen-wheeler can's see you.

Firoozeh Dumas

#18. Man's wants remain unsatisfied till death.
Then, when his soul is naked, is he one
With the man in the wind, and the west moon,
With the harmonious thunder of the sun

Dylan Thomas

#19. You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.

Dr. Seuss

#20. All the Junos, the Grammy nominations, the gold and platinum records, did nothing to assuage my conviction that I was an out-and-out loser.

Dan Hill

#21. A sixth sense warned her that she was striking a Faustian bargain. Odd, since she wasn't sure what a Faustian bargain was. But it was something not to be taken lightly. She knew that.

A. Lee Martinez

#22. Let the statues crumble. You have always been the place.

Sarah Kay

#23. Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

Henny Youngman

#24. I believe very strongly in paid sick leave.

Carolyn Maloney

#25. You can't adopt people like kittens! Aiden growled.
'I wouldn't know; someone wouldn't let me get a kitten', Meryn retorted.
'Fine, you can have a kitten, no people'
'Too late

Alanea Alder

#26. With all those stars in the sky, why isn't there enough light for us to see by? We stumble like blinded sheep.'
'As you can see, it is clouding over. The stars can't pierce the gloom; they just wait it out. That isn't the stars fault. It is their custom to stay heavenly.

Gregory Maguire

#27. Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

Ken Dodd

#28. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. - Bill McGlashen

Ellen Miller

#29. You'll be pleased to hear, Christopher, that I am no longer a Muslim liberal but an atheist [ ... ] I find that it obviates the necessity for any cognitive dissonance.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali