My Girlfriend Can't Quotes

#1. The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep.

Jake Owen

#2. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.

Bert McCracken

#3. When I was in Japan with my girlfriend Jessica, she would have had acupuncture every day if she could. I can just about stomach going to a chiropractor and I visited a talented one when I was there, but when he tried a needle on me, it was horrible. My muscles tightened and it didn't work at all.

Jenson Button

#4. Covered in tats and can't take your girlfriend getting a simple script. I'll be finished in a minute, Mate."

Travis' frown deepened. "Wife. She's my wife.

Jamie McGuire

#5. Remember all the times you told me no? All the times you brushed me off when I tried to make you my girlfriend? I stuck around after that. And I'm sticking around now. You can't get rid of me that easily.

Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

#6. I may not have seen my girlfriend for two or three months, but then we can spend two or three months together solidly. It's swings and roundabouts.

Douglas Booth

#7. I can't go to bed with John Wayne, so I do the next best thing: I go to bed with my girlfriend, who once met the great man. That's how much I love westerns.

Clive Sinclair

#8. I can't think of a single big mistake I made in college that wasn't alcohol related. I never missed a class in college because I was too sober. I never yelled an obscenity at the fraternity next door because I was too sober. I never cheated on my girlfriend because I was too sober.

Will Keim

#9. If you can't be civil to my girlfriend you can fucking walk away.

R.K. Lilley

#10. One of us," said Malcolm, "is worth five hundred of you. I can burn you to the ground in six seconds flat and use the ashes to stuff a teddy bear for my girlfriend. Not that I have a girlfriend at the moment," he added, "but one lives to hope.

Cassandra Clare

#11. My girlfriend always told me, 'Send roses while they can still smell them, tell people you love them while they can still hear.'

Manti Te'o

#12. I thought that one was going to hit me," I said, watching the disappointed girl stalk off into the crowd. "Being your girlfriend is dangerous."
"What can I say? I'm a magnificent specimen of manhood. Of course they all want me. But I do appreciate you protecting my honor.

Kylie Scott

#13. I used to break dance. I can do some good James Brown footwork. But now I think I've danced too much. My girlfriend made fun of me: 'Enough with the dancing.'

Sam Rockwell

#14. I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed.

Shirley Manson

#15. He's just a little unbalanced and lonely."
He put his arms around my waist, frowning. "Can't he be lonely and unbalanced around someone else's girlfriend?"
"I'll suggest it.

Kiersten White

#16. They can say whatever they want about my personal life because I know what my personal life is, and it involves a lot of TV and cats and girlfriends.

Taylor Swift

#17. My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

Anthony Jeselnik

#18. I have a girlfriend. I give my heart to her. She's around, she's everywhere, we travel together. She's beautiful, she's gorgeous, she's everything you want in a woman. She doesn't complain.. but I can tune her out just enough.

The Miz

#19. My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.

Mitch Hedberg

#20. Lots of people can have girlfriends. But I can throw around guitars onstage! That'll be my epitaph: 'He never had a girlfriend, but you should've seen him smash a Les Paul!'

Trent Reznor

#21. I see myself being married to my girlfriend and backpacking all over the world. If I can go out and do a 15-mile hike and climb a 12,000-ft. peak, I'm good to go.

Matt Long

#22. A person can attack that bottle of vodka and drink it like it's a bottle of cold water. Two of my wife's girlfriends died from drinking. They weren't big pill-takers; they were drinkers. So it can't be so simple as to slide away, like Marilyn Monroe.

William Eggleston

#23. Stories can encourage us and embolden us to face ourselves and to feel. Stories can make us feel less alone. If we're reading a story that moves us, we can feel that emotion that I feel towards my father or mother or girlfriend. So they can give us late-night company.

Tim O'Brien

#24. So Jace is my actual family," Kit said. "But I can't go live with him, because him and his hot girlfriend are going off on some sort of secret mission."
"Guess you Herondales have a type," Julian muttered.

Cassandra Clare

#25. She is my girlfriend, I can do whatever I want to her. In fact, I'm going to take her home and fuck her from here to eternity, how about that?

Ani San

#26. I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#27. Acting has been the only thing so far that really gets me jazzed. It's like my girlfriend in a lot of ways. We fight. We have a relationship, and she gets me up every morning. I'm inspired by it, and I want to one day be really good at it and see what we can do together.

Eddie Cahill

#28. I can't really cook, but the first dish I ever made was for my girlfriend, Eleanor. I made chicken breast wrapped in ham, homemade mashed potatoes, and gravy.

Louis Tomlinson

#29. 'You claim to be the man, you want me for a lover,
So you can do my girlfriends and my sister and my mother?'
I said, 'You're very blunt,' with quickness to the cue,
'So whassup with your mother, does she look as good as you?'

Dres

#30. Does my hair look alright? Of course, it looks alright. Why am I asking you for? ... We get lunch right? ... Can we get this thing going? I gotta meet my girlfriend for a martini.

Alex Riley

#31. My main motivation for staying in the spotlight at all is, I don't want to just be known for being involved in 'Playboy,' or having been Hugh Hefner's girlfriend - I hate that. I like to show I can do other things and take on other challenges. That's my main motivation.

Holly Madison

#32. I can't swim but if my girlfriend was drowning, I'd still dive in to save her.

Zayn Malik

#33. We all have our tastes and our type ... [But] for me to say 'You're beautiful', I can only say that to my girlfriend. The word 'beautiful' has such a different caliber than any other word out there, like sexy, hot, cute.

Kellan Lutz

#34. I was never fond of this boyfriend-girlfriend game. Outsmart me, make me feel challenged and I can walk with you forever but to act like love smitten puppies in love is not my thing.

Parul Wadhwa

#35. Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world ... That's me ... But to my wife ...

Jackie Mason

#36. Wives, girlfriends, fiancees - clean out your closets. I'm cleaning out my old bell bottoms. We can touch millions.

Deion Sanders

#37. I won't lie. Walking into a room and seeing your girlfriend reading a baby-name book can kind of make your heart stop.
"I'm no expert," I began, choosing my words carefully. "Well - actually, I am. And I'm pretty sure there are certain things we have to do before you need to be reading that.

Richelle Mead

#38. I would like to reach non-gamers. It's always great when guys come up to me who are gamers and represent my usual audience, but they'll say, 'You know, Psychonauts is the only game I can actually get my girlfriend to play with me.'

Tim Schafer

#39. When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend.

Seth Meyers

#40. My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person ... so I can get a better girlfriend.

Anthony Jeselnik

#41. I can be in the worst PMS, Mercury in retrograde, most awful circumstance - and then if my girlfriends and I are giggling about it, everything's okay.

Alanis Morissette

#42. My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.

Wendy Higgins