Married If Quotes

#1. If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

George Burns

#2. Sometimes when I visit my sister and her two children, I wonder if she missed a lot by getting married. Right now, nothing could be further from my mind than getting married.

Natalie Wood

#3. Well, I'm sure I hope your health may be good, Louisa; for if your head begins to split as soon as you are married, which was the case with mine, I cannot consider that you are to be envied, though I have no doubt you think you are, as all girls do.

Charles Dickens

#4. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.

Bert McCracken

#5. Any man who isn't married by thirty-five is either gay or he's got skeletons in his closet.

Lisa Renee Jones

#6. In certain states, if a woman makes $12,000 a year, and lives with her quarter-of-a million dollar boyfriend and they don't get married, as long as they don't get married, she gets maybe 20 or 30 thousand dollars in pre-tax benefits in terms of food stamps, health care and housing allowance.

Foster Friess

#7. You may say, "I'd compliment him if he did something right." Well, he did at least one thing right. He married you!

Tony Evans

#8. I don't think you're happier if you're thin or beautiful or rich or married. You have to make your own happiness. My heroines do not become beautiful elegant swans, they become confident ducks and get on with life.

Maeve Binchy

#9. If we have to get married and have a million babies, I hope our relationship will be built on mutual disgust and an endless barrage of ridicule and insults. It feels like the only thing I can count on right now. I don't want something dumb like respect and affection getting in the way.

Michael Buckley

#10. I met Cynthia when I was 12, proposed at 16, became engaged at 17, married her at 19 and we had a baby when I was 20. If extra work could pay for a lot of diapers, that was for me.

Kent McCord

#11. A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

H.L. Mencken

#12. Iain didn't know what to say to her. They had all asked an incredible amount from her. She was such an innocent, too. Hell, she wasn't even married, and yet they'd demanded she deliver a baby. He wasn't even certain if she knew how Isabelle had conceived the babe.

Julie Garwood

#13. Girlfriends are not wives. I draw the line at married women. Actually, women married to men with guns. If someone's girlfriend wants to make herself available, that's her business. Just don't give my name to your boyfriend.

Jack Dancer

#14. Well, it'd certainly be fascinating if we discovered that gays were better at being married than heterosexuals are. Talk about irony.

Gail Collins

#15. In those days, young stars, male and female, were all virgins until married, and if divorced, they returned magically to that condition.

Shelley Winters

#16. If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

Groucho Marx

#17. I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids and I'm not married, I would have a baby artificially inseminated. I would feel like Mary - like Jesus is my baby.

Kim Kardashian

#18. When two people have been married for years they seem to become unconscious of each other's bodily presence so that they move as if alone, speak aloud things which they do not expect to be answered, and in general seem to experience all the comfort of solitude without its loneliness.

Virginia Woolf

#19. I married somebody who likes the way I look. If I changed my hair every year, and I reinvented myself in time-honoured pop fashion, I think understandably the person I'm married to would grow slightly sick of me.

Robert Smith

#20. You've got two witnesses here. Happiness is a wholeness issue. If you want to be happy, you need to be whole. If you want to be married, you simply need a mate. If you want to be happily married, you need to be a whole person married to another whole person.

Michelle McKinney Hammond

#21. Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

Jay Leno

#22. It's really corny to say, but if you are happily married and have good kids, that is about 98 per cent of what you should be seeking to achieve.

Malcolm Turnbull

#23. If I had married someone wealthy when I was young, I would have sunk like a stone. Being skint makes life quite clear. You've got to take that job.

Anna Chancellor

#24. 'Mvula' is my married name, but for some reason my nan calls me 'McVula.' I'm not sure if it's one of those jokey Caribbean things, or whether she's just getting it wrong.

Laura Mvula

#25. I don't believe you should be a virgin when you get married,' Sera said. 'You should experiment. Men do'
'Yes, but only if you're in love with them,' I said.

Melina Marchetta

#26. It takes a long time to really be married. One marries many times at many levels within that marriage. If you have more marriages than you have divorces within the marriage, you're lucky and you stick it out.

Ruby Dee

#27. On the most elementary level, you do not have to go to church to be a Christian. You do not have to go home to be married either. But in both cases if you do not, you will have a very poor relationship.

R. Kent Hughes

#28. I'm consumed with curiosity because if I know Dirk, he probably sent his family a two-tine note - "I'm getting married. I'll be there in a week," - and no further explanation whatsoever."
Skif laughed, and admitted that that was just about what Dirk had written, word for word.

Mercedes Lackey

#29. Are you sure the two of you aren't married? (Bavel)
Why do you ask? (Ewan)
You can barely stand to speak to each other, and yet when the lady walks off you look as if you can already taste her. Smacks of marriage to me. (Bavel)

Kinley MacGregor

#30. When I was a kid my mom used to tell me that if i have sex before i was married, my ... junk would turn black and fall off.

Cynthia Hand

#31. It's a long story," I said. "The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie." "Does Morelli know about this?" "It's pretend." "I'm not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol' Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew.

Janet Evanovich

#32. If you get married they think you're
finished
and if you are without a woman they think you're
incomplete.

Charles Bukowski

#33. Alexandra had been married for thirty-three years; if it had made any impression on her one way or another, she never showed it.

Harper Lee

#34. If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks
As though she bid me stay by her a week.
If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day
When I shall ask the banns, and when be married.

William Shakespeare

#35. Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

H.L. Mencken

#36. If you are blessed, you are blessed, whether you are married or single.

Greta Garbo

#37. If a man moves to the forest, and his wife isn't there to share his spaghetti-os, are they still married?

Roxanne Snopek

#38. To me, same-sex marriage is like the new normal. I don't give a sh*t. If two gay people want to get married it doesn't bother me. If two people say they love each other and they want to be together, they should be together. Don't you think?

NeNe Leakes

#39. If 'Married With Children' hadn't come out when it did, would we really be looking at 'Roseanne,' 'The Middle,' and 'Raising Hope' and being, like, 'Look at how stereotypical they are to lower-income white people!'

Parvesh Cheena

#40. Marriage is something that needs to be worked on every day. I don't know if I'm the one to give marital advice since I've only been married for a little over a year, but marriage is certainly easier if you are open, trusting and loving.

Emily Blunt

#41. I know William," Kaldar said. "He's married to my cousin, Cerise, who is more like my baby sister. If her life and happiness were at stake, William would burn the world just to see her smile. Jack is a changeling like William. He would move the earth and the moon to protect his brother. "So

Ilona Andrews

#42. If I don't get back home to my wife, and if you should see her again, then tell her that I talked of her daily, hourly. You remember. Secondly, I have loved her more than anyone. Thirdly, the short time I have been married to her outweighs everything, even all we have gone through here.

Viktor E. Frankl

#43. My husband would do anything for me ... ' It's degrading. No human being ought to have such power over another."
"It's a very real power, Harriet."
"Then ... we won't use it. If we disagree, we'll fight it out like gentlemen. We won't stand for matrimonial blackmail.

Dorothy L. Sayers

#44. We weren't meant to have futures, we were meant to marry them. We weren't meant to have politics, or careers that mattered, or opinions, or lives; we were meant to marry them. If you wanted to be an architect, you married an architect.

Nora Ephron

#45. My partner Donald Trump says that married couples should always have a prenuptial agreement. True, a prenuptial is important if one partner is much richer than the other before marriage, but Kim and I don't have one.

Robert Kiyosaki

#46. These characters, they have to evolve. They're getting older on the show, these are things that happen in everyone's life. People do get married ... this is just a natural evolution. I wonder if we'll have 'Big Bang' babies in the season finale?

Kunal Nayyar

#47. I've had countless conversations with or about people who are "sleeping in separate bedrooms", as if sleeping in the same bed is all there is to staying married, but however bad things get, sharing a bed has never been problematic; it's the rest of life that horrifies.

Nick Hornby

#48. Anyone who knows how difficult it is to keep a secret among three men - particularly if they are married - knows how absurd is the idea of a worldwide secret conspiracy consciously controlling all mankind by its financial power; in real, clear analysis.

Oswald Mosley

#49. There aren't a whole lot of things I want out of life. My bucket list is extremely short: Achieve the success in the industry I want, and get married. If I achieve both of those, I can die completely stoked. I don't need anything else.

Samuel Larsen

#50. How can you learn unconditional love if you're married to a woman who meets all your conditions?

Paul Washer

#51. I am an English-speaking Canadian, but my entire family - Russian exiles and the Canadians they married - is buried in Quebec, and if Quebec were to separate, I would feel I had been cut in two.

Michael Ignatieff

#52. The main difference for the history of the world if I had been shot rather than Kennedy is that Onassis probably wouldn't have married Mrs Khrushchev.

Nikita Khrushchev

#53. Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

Elbert Hubbard

#54. What was I thinking, anyway? It would never work out between the two of us. I mean, I'm a mediator. His dad's a vampire. His uncle's a killer. What if we got married? Think how our kids would turn out ...

Meg Cabot

#55. If I get married, I want to be very married. - AUDREY HEPBURN

Ashleigh Slater

#56. My parents told me I must get married. I was seen as a failure if I didn't do it.

Ben Folds

#57. If you tell someone you're divorced they don't even blink, but tell them you've never been married and they wonder what's wrong with you.

Stephanie Bond

#58. In my opinion, nothing changes after you get married. If ain't broke, don't fix it.

Maisie Williams

#59. But what about your own?" he asked. "Assuming, of course, you're interested in having one?"
"I'm not. If I ever get married, I shall elope. That has now become my prime requirement in a husband. Willingness to elope.

Donna Andrews

#60. I was not a womanizer; I didn't date a lot. If I kissed somebody, I was basically married from that point on.

Shelley Long

#61. There's this way pop culture has been rammed down our throats that people think that if they were just in the right place at the right time, they'd be married to Heidi Klum.

Stephen Merchant

#62. People don't break up because someone's family is a little ... messy. If that were the case, no one would ever get married.

Laura Dave

#63. To be well married you have to a penchant for the intricacies of intimacy and larval change..If the personality is a spider's web, you will want to know every thread ... Pleasures no longer come to you, but there are pickings to be had if you can learn to scavenge for them" ("The Body")

Hanif Kureishi

#64. A lot of my friends are getting married, but I don't think that is what I need. I am under no such pressure that if everybody is having a boyfriend, I too should have one.

Kangana Ranaut

#65. I won't say if I'm single or dating or married or divorced. There's boundaries.

Tyra Banks

#66. I don't know if I want to get married again.

Doris Day

#67. People don't roll around naked in my books. I do allow them to go to bed if they're married, but it's all very wonderful and the moon beams.

Barbara Cartland

#68. If a woman abandoned by her husband, or a widow, of her own accord contracts a second marriage and bears ,a son , he is called the son of a re married woman .

Guru Nanak

#69. If heterosexual people can get married then gay and lesbian people can get married too

Paul Martin

#70. When I can stand up without scaring the shit out of a hospital full of people, will you maybe want to go get married or something? Because I'm scared to death I'm going to lose you if I don't make you legally mine.

Mercy Celeste

#71. There isn't any loving, romantic way to put this: I told Bonnie we needed to get married so she couldn't testify against me, and also so she could visit me if I landed in jail, which was looking like the way things were headed.

Kevin D. Mitnick

#72. I do think that same gender partners should be able to be married. Why not? If you share a life together than who in the world should have anything to say about it?

Eartha Kitt

#73. Tom Landry is a perfectionist. If he was married to Raquel Welch, he'd expect her to cook.

Don Meredith

#74. If you want to have a career, my advice is don't get married. You think things have changed and there's some kind of gender equality now, that men are different, but I've got news for you. They're not.

Jeffrey Eugenides

#75. I want to do roles that take women a step farther. I don't want to be slotted into anything. But if I get a brilliant role which requires me to be a mother, then I will do it. But I want people to see that a woman could be anything at whatever age, even if she is married or has two kids.

Madhuri Dixit

#76. Why bother getting married, going through all the pomp and pageantry, if you didn't think it was going to last? It was far easier to live in sin and not have to deal with the paperwork.

Emma Straub

#77. Married life can seem as if it's only five days long. The first day you meet, the second day you marry, the third day your raise your children, the fourth day you meet your grandchildren, and the fifth day you die first or bury your spouse to go home alone for the first time in many years.

Mark Driscoll

#78. If I get married, I think I'd pick out a newspaperman rather than a millionaire. A newspaperman is a regular fellow.

Anna Held

#79. Perhaps the couple got married at 25 and now they're 45 and this is an option. And if a couple is still together, or perhaps finds its way back together, I like to say that it's forever. They belong together, it's a good fit, it's the right pairing. It almost gives me goose bumps.

Volkmar Sigusch

#80. If a man dreams about sleeping with Marilyn Monroe, he's certainly entitled to that. But when he wakes up, he has to acknowledge that he is married to someone else.

Daniel Barenboim

#81. If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you.

Tracy McMillan

#82. If Jack, Frank and Mary are in a loving relationship and were all for marriage equality, then why aren't the three of them covered in SB1? Why can't they get married?

Mike Gabbard

#83. Michael straightened. "I still married her, and I'd marry her again if I had it to do over." A simple statement, calmly and quietly delivered, but his eyes were burning with wrath.

Francine Rivers

#84. I think the only fear that I have in getting married is what if I'm not enough or what if I'm not prepared enough, because I'm the kind of person that likes to be prepared.

Rebecca St. James

#85. Miles smiled. "Can you keep a secret?"
Bea snorted. "Did I tell you what you were in for if you married my daughter?"
"No," Miles conceded.
"Well, then," she said, as if that settled the matter.

Richard Russo

#86. No married woman ever trusts her husband absolutely, nor does she ever act as if she did trust him. Her utmost confidence is as wary as an American pickpocket's confidence that the policeman on the beat will stay bought.

H.L. Mencken

#87. I never felt I could give up my life of freedom to become a man's housekeeper. When I was young, if a girl married poverty, she became a drudge; if she married wealth, she became a doll. Had I married at twenty-one, I would have been either a drudge or a doll for fifty-five years. Think of it!

Susan B. Anthony

#88. If you are a single parent, make friends with others in similar situations and develop friendships with married couples. Counsel with your priesthood leaders. Let them know of your needs and wants. Single parenthood is understood by the Lord.

Ezra Taft Benson

#89. I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that's when I'm right.

Dennis Miller

#90. I don't remember a drama on TV that had shown a couple could be married but still love each other very much, spend every day as if they were still on their honeymoon, be sensuous, and have fun together.

Aaron Spelling

#91. I've had an absolutely charmed life in every aspect of it. I do for my job what I would do for a hobby if it wasn't my job. Half the secret of happiness, I'm ecstatically happily married with three great kids, you know. It's been a blessed life.

Graeme Base

#92. I'm not saying to be happy you must be married. Nor am I saying that to be happy you need children. I'm saying that if you opt for children - be you man or woman - you have to take care of them.

Barbara Bush

#93. If you get married, you lose all your benefits. That's insane! We should give people bonuses for getting married, and sending signals and talking about it to the society.

Sam Brownback

#94. I wonder if he thinks he married a girl with two personalities: vixen and wallflower.

Christina Lauren

#95. Friends and relatives might be surprised that I think of myself as lonely. I'm married to a man I not only love but like, and we spend a lot of time together. If I feel like socializing, I can usually find someone to meet for coffee or a drink.

Robin Marantz Henig

#96. Maybe if I hadn't been so hell-bent on not becoming my parents, I could have saved Charlie. Maybe I would have been his girlfriend. Maybe we could have gotten married and been happy, regardless of who our parents were and what they did to each other.

A.S. King

#97. Everything was my fault. I was so dumb. But if I hadn't made the mistakes I made, I wouldn't have met the wonderful woman I've been married to for over 30 years, so I guess that makes the mistakes OK.

Donald Sutherland

#98. The years the couple have together are a shared conclusion to lives separately built, separately lived. There is no use wondering what might have happened if the man had met her in his forties, or in his twenties. He would not have married her then.

Jhumpa Lahiri

#99. I'm married now, but back when I had girlfriends, you were always wondering if they liked you, and if you liked them enough. You're together, but the smallest thing could make one of you go 'You know what? This isn't working!'

Jeremy Sisto

#100. I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period.

Pat Robertson