Late Late Show Quotes

#1. Good evening, America. I'm a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show.

Whitney Cummings

#2. 'Show up at the desk' is one of the first rules of writing, but for 'Wolf Hall' I was about 30 years late.

Hilary Mantel

#3. You're basically the same person forever so you find the same stuff funny forever. The Muppet Show spoke to me at 5 and it speaks to me in my late 30s in the same way.

James Bobin

#4. But that's all hindsight. That evening, my mind was cloudy, and my good judgment was influenced by my need to prove something. It goes to show you, you shouldn't stay out too late during the week.

Nelson DeMille

#5. I just want to show the world it's never too late to get your diploma, and show kids they should stay in school and not wait until you're old to get it.

Flavor Flav

#6. I think the best thing I ever did was, years before I got the 'Late Night' show, when I first got out to Los Angeles to be a television writer, the first thing I did was I signed up to take improvisational classes ... And I studied that for years, and I really loved it.

Conan O'Brien

#7. After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Jimmy Carr

#8. I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Dane Cook

#9. I wanted to make a late-night-type show that happened to be in the morning for moms. Bravo was more interested in a blend of my books 'Momzillas' and 'Sometimes I Feel Like a Nut,' which is a collection of nonfiction essays.

Jill Kargman

#10. Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.

Jimmy Fallon

#11. We're late," she said, "The show is supposed to start in ten minutes. If some people hadn't decided that 'semiformal' meant 'seminaked'-"
"Why are you calling me 'some people'?" Mark inquired. "I am only one person.

Cassandra Clare

#12. The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.

Jimmy Kimmel

#13. If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.

Craig Ferguson

#14. Too late I realized this sounded like a come-on. Yeah,Hayden, he would say,I want you to show me some-wink-stretches!-nudge nudge.

Jennifer Echols

#15. The initial wealth of a group and its time of arrival are obviously important, as many wealthy "old families " show, but the Jews arrived late and penniless in the nineteenth century and are now more affluent than any other ethnic group.

Thomas Sowell

#16. The night creeps in by subtle degrees while a show of fierce colors attracts and distracts me. I look up, suddenly aware of remote lights scattered overhead. I gasp as the last streak of fire dies on the horizon, and I comprehend it all too late. That crafty, dark night has swallowed my world whole.

Richelle E. Goodrich

#17. I had been writing for the 'Late Show' for about four years when I started writing short stories. I had a blast writing the stories because I was writing in a voice more my own, as opposed to a man's. HBO ended up buying four of them. I think that had a direct impact on my decision to write a book.

Jill Davis

#18. I hate feeling late. Someone else has the courtesy and respect to show up on time, and when I'm late, it's like telling them, "I don't respect you." Worst feeling in the world. It makes you really reflect on your priorities.

Matthew Moy

#19. It was an overcast late November morning, the grass splintered by hoarfrost, and winter grinning through the gaps in the clouds like a bad clown peering through the curtains before the show begins.

John Connolly

#20. Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.

Craig Ferguson

#21. Brutus, I do observe you now of late: I have not from your eyes that gentleness And show of love as I was wont to have: You bear too stubborn and too strange a hand Over your friend that loves you. Poor Brutus, with himself at war, Forgets the shows of love to other men.

William Shakespeare

#22. If you look at my life before I went into television, the struggle I went through coming out would be surprising to most people, given how comfortable and how out I am being the only late-night gay talk-show host.

Andy Cohen

#23. So down and down and down and down
And down and down we go
Hurry my darling we mustn't be late
For the show
Neptune champion games to an aqua
World so very dear
Right this way smiles a mermaid
I can hear Atlantis full of cheer.

Jimi Hendrix

#24. You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Mitch Hedberg

#25. Don't show up late.
Don't try to slide out early.
Don't cheat your rep counts.
And definitely, don't hold back.
Leave it all in the gym!

Gunnar Peterson

#26. Watch it, Romeo." she whispered, "or you're going to make my nipples show through my top."
He glanced down, then said, "Too late.

Toni Blake

#27. The way I approach stardom and the show, I'm like a politician. I'm an elected late-night official to do your work.

Arsenio Hall

#28. Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

P. J. O'Rourke

#29. If Sunday is the Lord's day, then Saturday belongs to the Devil. It is the only night of the week when he gives out Free passes to the Late show at the Too Much Fun Club.

Hunter S. Thompson

#30. David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

George Lopez

#31. I was never an actress in high school. I didn't start acting until I was in my twenties. I was just a funny cheerleader. I hadn't even seen a show until I was in my twenties, so I was very late getting into the business.

Debra Monk

#32. I'm shocked at how early everything closes here. But people start earlier. I miss the late nightlife in NYC, but then again I sing and burn so much energy in the show that it's probably good - I get to go home and sleep.

Neil Patrick Harris

#33. From the city of angels off the Pacific Ocean. Good morning, good evening, wherever you may be, across the nation, around the world. I'm George Noory. Welcome to America's most listened-to late night talk show, Coast to Coast AM.

George Noory

#34. Immanuel Kant is credited with saying, "If the stars came out only once in a lifetime, we'd stay up all that night." Now we stay up late in Plato's cave just to watch the enervated stars on The Tonight Show.

William J. O'Malley

#35. I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.

Craig Ferguson

#36. I've been doing a late-night talk show out here in New Mexico now, 'The After After Party.' We're going to finalize a deal to be in 50 million homes. How blessed can I be, man?

Steven Michael Quezada

#37. I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

Craig Ferguson

#38. Conan O'Brien's show was speaking to a massive and young audience, and he would put us in weekly bits on Late Night.

Amy Poehler

#39. Amazon tried to combat employee delinquency by using a point system to track how workers performed their jobs. Arriving late cost an employee half a point; failing to show up altogether was three points. Even calling in sick cost a point. An employee who collected six such demerits was let go.

Brad Stone

#40. I could not do what I do, and teach a class, and never miss a deadline, never be late for anything if I was a lush, OK? I would really love to read a piece that said, 'He is not a lush.' That would be fabulous, it would be a first, I could show it to people and say, 'Look!'

Christopher Hitchens

#41. Up until the middle to late '60s, it was a choice to film in black-and-white or color. But then television became so vital to a film's finance, and television won't show black-and-white. So that killed it off, really.

John Boorman

#42. It may be too late, if you wait until Christmas to show those who you love, you have loved them.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#43. Mr Letterman, 66, would retire when his contract to host the CBS network's Late Show With David Letterman expires next year, ending a run as a late-night host that began in 1982 on NBC.

Anonymous

#44. I'd watched a lot of David Letterman for sure. As far as who I watched as a late-show host, it was definitely Letterman.

Chad VanGaalen

#45. At night, I try to sneak in some of the shows that I love. I can't live without '30 Rock' - I was a fan before I joined the show in 2007 - and 'The Office.' 'Revenge' is my drama. And I love Jimmy Kimmel if I can stay up late enough to watch him.

Sherri Shepherd

#46. I learned how fast you can go from being an international hero to being a reference in a joke on a late night talk show.

Michael Phelps

#47. The first show that my dad and my mom did together was for, was a comedy series, a short form that went in the middle of late-night news, and then through all of their career, it was always the "Ed Sullivan Show," it was a variety act, my dad was on the "Jimmy Dean Show" for a few years.

Brian Henson

#48. Like most actors, I've always been grateful for Chinese restaurants; they were often the only places that stayed open late enough for performers to get hot food after the show.

Ginger Rogers

#49. With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Stephen Colbert

#50. I tweet early in the morning when I wake up or late at night just to let you know that I have a show or what's on my mind, and that's it. I hate Snapchat and all of that. It's making kids so stupid.

Tyler, The Creator

#51. When my brother and me got into performing in the late '40s and early '50s, it was a sensational opportunity to learn from our elders. Every show we played had a dancer, a comic, a juggler, a singer, an acrobat. I came to appreciate virtuosity in all forms of the business.

Gregory Hines

#52. The professionalism of wire service reporters is constantly being tested because reporters know that if they're late or sloppy on a story, it will show up because the competition is likely to be not late and not sloppy.

Bob Greene

#53. Our album 'Show No Mercy' came out in late '83, and we did three or four shows in San Francisco after the release. That was our first experience with stage-divers, crowd-surfing, people walking on people across an entire crowd.

Tom Araya

#54. Do I show up onstage late sometimes? That's something I could definitely work on. I'm human.

Scott Weiland

#55. It is never too late to show true character.

Bill Courtney

#56. Studies show that Avastin can prolong the lives of patients with late-stage breast and lung cancer by several months when the drug is combined with existing therapies.

Alex Berenson

#57. I started using the Internet in 1999. That was pretty late. But as soon as I did I just stopped watching TV. The idea of sitting down and waiting for a TV show at a certain time, I couldn't do this anymore. The Internet is a better form of entertainment to me.

Tom Anderson

#58. I feel my shows are like a late-night talk show that we settle down and do every night.

John Mayer

#59. Perhaps it's only when people are dead that we can safely show how much we cared about them. We know that it's too late then for them to do anything about it.

P.D. James

#60. My favorite thing about 'Saturday Night's Main Event,' it was that one time where I could stay up late with my dad and four brothers, and we would all beat the tar out of each other while the show was on, and it was all okay because my dad was a wrestling fan.

John Cena

#61. We don't yet know the state of the naturals. Are they friends or foes? None of us can say. We ought to anchor in the bay, as near as we might come to the shore, and bide our time. The naturals will show themselves, soon or late. They know we are here already, or else I'm a virgin girl.

Libbie Hawker

#62. There's a lot of women out there, some of whom are my age who've never been married and some who have been married and would like to be married again but think their ship has sailed, and I'm like, 'Oh no, honey, let Miss Niecy show you it is never too late for love!'

Niecy Nash

#63. I guess you can snap her garter any time you want to, without much of a struggle. But there's one thing you can be sure of - you're a late comer to the show.

Raymond Chandler

#64. I used to be obsessed with game shows. When the Game Show Network became popular in the late '90s, I was all about reruns of 'The Price Is Right.' I knew all the prices from the '70s.

Kate Micucci

#65. Magic is the oldest part of the show business profession. It can now be used as a forward-thinking tool to build a child's confidence. It has been an amazing part in many entertainers' lives, including Steve Martin and the late Johnny Carson.

Criss Angel

#66. I thought I had to show people that I would get in early, stay late or even all night, work on holidays. I didn't want to be the rich kid who was along for a free ride.

Maria Shriver

#67. People feel disrespected when they show up and others don't. The message received is that those who arrive late value their own time more than that of their colleagues.

Susan Scott

#68. Being as versatile as I am, I take offense to the notion that no serious musician would not be doing a late night talk show gig. One has to be open enough in other areas to be able to contribute to a show like this.

Kevin Eubanks

#69. There have been so many jokes, about sex and relationships on the "Brady Bunch" set. For some reason, tabloids picked up on this Eve thing. I was on a late-night show and I said, "Oh, yeah, I've kissed her."

Maureen McCormick

#70. There was a moment, late into the season, where I was noticing I was darkening a little bit at night. I was like, 'It will be nice when the show is over for the season. I need a vacation.'

Justin Theroux

#71. When you are working on a TV show or series, you just get into the routine. You get used to getting up early. It takes a few days, but once you are up and running, you get used to going home late, and it becomes this very repetitive cycle.

Philip Glenister

#72. We are thrilled that Jon Batiste is joining 'The Late Show' family of products. For my money, nobody plays like Jon Batiste. And you can trust me, because it is my money.

Stephen Colbert

#73. If we're talking fantasy, I would love to host a late night talk show ... More Fallon than Leno. Those guys always seem like they're having way too much fun at their 'jobs.'

Aaron Sanchez

#74. He feels a little better while watching the guy on TV or thinking of him. Still, he feels insignificant. He has a few heroes whom he sees on other TV shows: sports figures, a tough cop or a late-night talk show host. He lives vicariously through all of them. Unbeknownst

Anton Szandor LaVey

#75. To be stuck with that Kardashian label, that was so hurtful to me and to my career. I probably realized that too late - not that it would've affected my decisions in terms of who I dated, but it would've affected my decision to appear on the show.

Adrienne Bailon

#76. Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

Jon Stewart

#77. People of my generation who became photographers in the late fifties, early sixties, there were no rewards in photography. There were no museum shows. Maybe MOMA would show something, or Chicago. There were no galleries. Nobody bought photographs.

Duane Michals

#78. But it's too late, I'm sorry. Now I have no idea how things begin, nor how to know that they are safe, nor how to show strangers we are safe too.

Sara Baume

#79. As an actor, if I show up late somewhere or I say something that's eccentric, it's totally acceptable - not only that, it's lauded in some perverse way.

Jesse Eisenberg

#80. Too late Bella. Now, it's too late. Show me.

J.R. Ward

#81. People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.

Mitch Hedberg

#82. It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

David Letterman

#83. There," he said as he finished tying the laces on my left show. "Now you won't fall.
Too late.

Michelle Hodkin

#84. An ordinary day. I get up early, drive to the airport, from there driving to the arena where we wrestle. Then if we have a show I will take another plane for my destination. Otherwise I will take a plane to return home and fall in bed very, very late.

Chris Jericho

#85. People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans.

Jay Leno

#86. New Orleanians are notoriously late showing up, if they show up at all, because by and large they don't keep calendars. Calendars are tools for managing the future, and in New Orleans the future doesn't exist.

Dan Baum

#87. I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

Jon Stewart

#88. There's no job like 'SNL.' There's no other job you go to where you're like, 'Oh, this is like that live, late-night sketch variety-musical show that shoots in, whatever it is, 10,000 feet of sound stage.' There's nothing like it.

Taran Killam