Jerking Off Quotes

#1. I did it,... I talked to Stephen King in a dream... not once but twice in two dreams. - As far from here I can tell you it's awesome... I did it... I jerkoff on a dream... dreaming that I'm jerking off.... I did it... I fucked a girl in a dream!

Deyth Banger

#2. Jerking off the universe is perhaps what all philosophy, all abstract thought is about: an intense, and not very sociable pleasure, which has to be repeated again and again.

Susan Sontag

#3. Sportswriters are a rude and brainless subculture of fascist drunks, a gang of vicious monkeys jerking off in a zoo cage ... more disgusting by nature than maggots oozing out the carcass of a dead animal.

Hunter S. Thompson

#4. I'll be a perfect gentleman. Just clit-sucking and jerking off, no funny business.

Kit Rocha

#5. I just tried one where my client claimed he was urinating in a back alley. Turns out he was jerking off on a street corner. The prosecution had twenty-one witnesses. They were nuns." She looked pained.

"I understand," I said gently, patting her on the back.

N.M. Silber

#6. Maybe if we would just picture our enemies jerking off once in a while, the world would be a better place.
I don't know.

Matthew Quick

#7. On My Interest in Smoking Cigars You're not a cigar guy ... . Well, the first reason that jumps out at me is that you hold it like you're jerking off a mouse.

Justin Halpern

#8. Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

Robin Williams

#9. You jerk off feel great you wanna go working out.Keep jerking off and working out life is good.

Elliott Hulse

#10. Sometimes you watch comedians and feel like they're jerking off in front of you, but they want you to see how big it is.

Jenny Slate

#11. I'm right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn't have been me.

Paul Reubens

#12. It's great to be anywhere as a writer. It saves you from implication in the ugliness of the place and justifies your being there. You can spend all day jerking off as long as you describe it well.

Richard Hell

#13. She rolls her eyes again, but laughs this time. "You probably have callouses from jerking off too much." I hold up my right hand. "But they're on both hands, not just my left." "Ambidextrous," she deadpans.

Colleen Hoover

#14. I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

Louis C.K.

#15. Dex:
Now, without any more jerking off from you, I suggest you get packing as fast as you can. I'll help. Where are your bras and underwear?

Karina Halle

#16. When he got a story urge, there was nothing to do but grab a pen and write. Otherwise it was too much like getting a hard-on and not jerking off.

Paul Russell

#17. A middle-aged man who's probably down to jerking off every other day. A weary man of forty who's already seen everything come around twice, who let me fuck him that once in a hole where whole armies of men have doubtless passed.

Edmund White

#18. Look at it, every day more lusers than users, keyboards and screens turning into nothin but portals to Web sites for what Management wants everybody addicted to, shopping games, jerking off, streaming endless garbage-

Thomas Pynchon

#19. It just goes to show you - for every woman you jerk off to, there's a tired husband/boyfriend/significant other jerking off to some other bitch. October

Asa Akira

#20. Writers love to write those idiotic, long stage directions, and some of them worse than others. They have nothing to do with the movie. They're just jerking around.

William H. Macy

#21. Like a cartoon world, where the figures are flat and outlined in black, jerking through some kind of goofy story that might be real funny if it weren't for the cartoon figures being real guys ...

Ken Kesey

#22. How do you keep people from jerking your chain? Don't give your chain to jerks!

Bill Crawford

#23. Pride overcame Paul's fear. "You dare suggest a duke's son is an animal?" he demanded.
"Let us say I suggest you may be human," she said. "Steady! I warn you not to try jerking away. I am old, but my hand can drive this needle into your neck before you escape me.

Frank Herbert

#24. Apart from its ill-fated name and frightening body, everything about the crab as a creature is creepy. It only moves sideways. To the right and then jerking to the left. It always looks like it's trying to avoid an awkward situation. "Uh-oh. I owe that guy money," as he sidesteps away.

Jim Gaffigan

#25. furrowed, and she leaned forward as though she'd seen him in the darkness. Jerking back behind the plant, he decided it wouldn't be good to be found on the porch.

Michelle Shocklee

#26. Let my office know when you change your mind," he said, then headed for the door, jerking to a stop when Ivy didn't get out of his way.
"Let us know when cherry lollypops come out your ass," Jenks said,

Kim Harrison

#27. My body was jerking and shaking, and I remembered John when he was in the Tunnels with Lena. The weird jerking and twitching he seemed unable to control.
Was this what it felt like to be in the grip of Abraham Ravenwood?

Kami Garcia

#28. We really cannot see what equanimity there is in jerking a lacerated carp out of the water by the jaws, merely because it has no the power of making a noise; for we presume that the most philosophic of anglers would hardly delight in catching a shrieking fish.

Leigh Hunt

#29. You don't train a dog in a training hall, jerking his neck or even giving him food treats. You train him using life rewards.

Ian Dunbar

#30. You can't really dance properly to James Brown. If you dance to James Brown, you look like an idiot. There's a lot of jerking.

Sandra Bullock

#31. A hard pain it Munro's spine as it lurched into an awkward curve, arching his back off the surface where he lay. Muscles contracted, jerking and releasing, jerking and releasing. The calm voices grew insistent and frenzied, but in a controlled, orchestrated way.

India Drummond

#32. He grinned. "Hey."
"Who are you?" I snapped, jerking the sides of my robe together and tying the sash.
His eyebrows shot up. "Most people I know respond to a greeting with another greeting.

Rachel Hawthorne

#33. Since meeting Con, she desperately wanted to know what it would feel like to be have him ---
He crushed his mouth to hers, jerking her out of her fantasies right into the reality.

Savannah Stuart

#34. I'd only met him once, at the mall. He was tall, with a big floppy shock of blond hair he was always getting out of his face by jerking his head suddenly to the side, whiplash-style. Rina found this incredibly sexy. It made me nervous. - Caitlin about Jeff

Sarah Dessen

#35. Reacher prowled the hallway, his gun stiff-armed way out in front of him, his torso jerking violently left and right from the hips, like a crazy disco dance. The house-storming shuffle.

Lee Child

#36. The command is "Do no work." Just make space. Attend to what is around you. Learn that you don't have to DO to BE. accept the grace of doing nothing. Stay with it until you stop jerking and squirming.

Dallas Willard

#37. I note however that this diary writing does not count as writing, since I have just re-read my year's diary and am much struck by the rapid haphazard gallop at which it swings along, sometimes indeed jerking almost intolerably over the cobbles.

Virginia Woolf

#38. Please stop sniffing the robot boy, Noemi tells herself, jerking out of the trance.

Claudia Gray

#39. I weep when I see these videos that are sent to me from all over the country. Whole groups of bodies jerking out of control, falling on the floor, laughing hysterically, staggering around like drunkards Anything that cannot be found in Scripture has to be rejected outright - totally rejected,

David Wilkerson

#40. Jesus," Dante interjected when the heavy quiet in the vehicle seemed endless. "All this touchy feely is making me itchy to kill something. How about we quit jerking each other off and go blow the roof off this mutha?

Lara Adrian

#41. As I've said, encountering death has a way of jerking your priorities into line.

James C. Dobson

#42. But we don't live in a perfect world, Knight." "I do, certain times a day, those bein' when I walk over that threshold," he stated, jerking his chin toward the front door.

Kristen Ashley

#43. I think if you have a really big, heavy person, there's a feeling of an invisible puppeteer jerking them around in space. They don't feel like they are moving themselves.

Brad Bird

#44. When was the last time you had a good belly-shaking-tear-jerking-snot-producing laugh?
That long?

Osayi Emokpae Lasisi

#45. I usually don't think of anyone ever suspecting that I might be someone who'd cry at stuff. I cry at movies all the time. And sometimes it really pisses me off because I hate it when they're just jerking my chain and it's just like completely manipulative.

Richard Hell

#46. Sometimes writing is running downhill, your fingers jerking behind you on the keyboard the way your legs do when they can't quite keep up with gravity.

Rainbow Rowell

#47. And in the bloodlit dark behind his eyes, silver phosphenes boiled in from the edge of space, hypnagogic images jerking past like a film compiled of random frames. Symbols, figures, faces, a blurred, fragmented mandala of visual information.

William Gibson

#48. Facts never prevent the ignorant from jerking their knees into the groin of science.

Neal Shusterman

#49. Good God, I whispered, sitting on the van's cot and looking at my legs, horrified. They were hairy - not wolf hairy, but an I-couldn't-find-my-razor-the-last-six-months hairy. Utterly grossed out, I took a peek at my armpit, jerking away. Oh, that's just ... nasty.

Kim Harrison

#50. One of the crazies moved into the cone of light beneath a streetlight. It was a black man, high-stepping and making jerking movements with his arms. He made a crisp turn and began moving back into the darkness. He was a trombone player in a matching band in a world somewhere else.

Michael Connelly

#51. You start with the sublime and end up in an alley jerking away for dear life.

Henry Miller