If I Were You Quotes

#1. I think the best comedy is tragicomic. Yeah, I suppose if you were to look at everything I've done, there is a bit of a black streak through all of it. It's not deliberate: it's what makes me laugh, and there's a fine tradition of it, especially in Ireland.

Sharon Horgan

#2. If you were in the film industry at that time, you were always picked up by directors who were much older. You were whisked about and shown things. I did work very hard though.

Diane Cilento

#3. Glorfindel smiled. 'I doubt very much,' he said, 'if your friends would be in danger if you were not with them! The pursuit would follow you and leave us in peace, I think. It is you, Frodo, and that which you bear that brings us all in peril.

J.R.R. Tolkien

#4. The first two drinks were always wonderfully liberating. You think better. You're braver, and you'll say anything. If you could just hang in there with two or three, it'd be beautiful. The trouble was I couldn't.

Barry Hannah

#5. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.

Rose Wynters

#6. Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.

Anthony De Mello

#7. If you were expecting Prince Charming, I'm sorry. He's with his boyfriend.

Shayla Black

#8. I can't stand these damn shows on museum walls with neat little frames, where you look at the images as if they were pieces of art. I want them to be pieces of life!

W. Eugene Smith

#9. If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends' houses so they don't see its backside.

Jeremy Clarkson

#10. She sits down at the end of my bed again. "Who were you with? Do you have a boyfriend now or something?"
I can't help but laugh. If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I'm pretty sure Roman is in love with him too. It's a love triangle gone wrong.

Jasmine Warga

#11. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.

Bert McCracken

#12. Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.

George Lopez

#13. If I waited long enough and said, "Okay, so what you're saying is you liked your life a lot better when you were 30?" everybody would get real quiet and then admit that that wasn't the case, that they really felt like they were sort of growing into themselves in a way.

Anna Quindlen

#14. Any man who isn't married by thirty-five is either gay or he's got skeletons in his closet.

Lisa Renee Jones

#15. If you were truly mine, I would never share you."
"Possessive, are you?"
"Extremely.

Evangeline Anderson

#16. Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

Mitch Hedberg

#17. You're not gay, are you?"
Simon's greenish color deepened. "If I were, I would dress better.

Cassandra Clare

#18. But you have so much in common. You're both from strange little backwater planets. You both have odd powers. You're male and she's female. What more do you need? Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor.

Dave Wolverton

#19. I believe that if I should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth I would hear your footsteps.

Benito Perez Galdos

#20. She could not leave him hanging like this. "If you were hurt, I need to know." It was a rule somewhere, in the good-guy handbook.

Tara Janzen

#21. It's not unusual for writers to look backward. Because that's your pool of resources. If you were to write something now, I bet there's a pretty good chance you'd call on your teenage years, your experiences then, stuff you learned then.

Paul McCartney

#22. He took a moment, as if he were deciding which tack to go with. I think he chose honesty, but it's so hard to tell. And if you chose honesty as a strategy, is it still honesty?

Kate Morgenroth

#23. Did you refuse to be tested to see if you and he were Soul Complements because you were afraid you might want sex with him?
Yes, I am tactful that way.

Devon Monk

#24. I don't like when I watch a fight in a movie that's perfectly worded and very articulate. If you were able to be that composed, you wouldn't be fighting! Fighting in real life is sloppy.

Jason Segel

#25. We all have a different image of what old is, and if you were exposed to senior citizens at a young age, as I was, it can color your soul with terror.

Billy Crystal

#26. Well, Henry, if I were you I wouldn't worry", said the lawyer. "My belief is that your boy's born lucky, and in the long run that's better than to be born clever or rich.

W. Somerset Maugham

#27. I think secrets often come out. I spoke to a friend who is a therapist and I asked her if there were people who came to her and admitted to doing horrible things and she said, 'More than you know.'

Alice Hoffman

#28. I would court you with passion, if things were different. you'd never get me off your porch swing.

Laura Whitcomb

#29. When I am telling it, it doesn't seem as if it was only made up. It seems more real than you are
more real than the schoolroom. I feel as if I were all the people in the story
one after the other. It is queer.

Frances Hodgson Burnett

#30. Angie Dickinson in 'Hollywood Wives' took me under her wing. If you look at that cast, I was definitely an 'outcast' ... so to speak. Most of them were of the same era, or just so much more experienced that I was.

Catherine Mary Stewart

#31. I don't know what has happened to movies, but lately every movie is at least 20 minutes too long. It used to be that if you were three hours long it was because it was epic - a movie about Gandhi; something with very important subject matters.

Ethan Hawke

#32. I don't believe in God, but I have this idea that if there were a God, or destiny of some kind looking down on us, that if he saw you taking anything for granted he'd take it away.

Hugh Laurie

#33. But I realized the place didn't matter. The person did. With someone you loved, you could be anywhere, and it would be incredible. Being in the most luxurious bed in the world wouldn't matter if you were with someone you didn't love. - Rose Hathaway

Richelle Mead

#34. The Afghans I met were some of the nicest and most honorable people I've ever encountered. There is a code called 'Pashtunwali,' so if someone invites you into their village, every last man will fight to protect your life. I was impressed by that.

Brad Thor

#35. I don't know you very well, and i'm almost afraid to know you better. Maybe i love you because i don't know you. Maybe if i knew what you were really like and what you wanted out of life and what you think is important, I wouldn't care for you at all and that would be the end of this.

Elliot Mabeuse

#36. I always felt if you were going to be successful, make sure you get good people. You win with great players. Coaches don't win games. Players win games.

Hank Stram

#37. If you were to ask me to define a photograph in a few words, I would say it is a fossil of light and time.

Daido Moriyama

#38. If I could prove by logic that you would die in five minutes, I should be sorry you were going to die, but my sorrow would be very much mitigated by pleasure in the proof.

G.H. Hardy

#39. Berlin would be a great place to have no cell phone, I think. Especially if you were able to live in a central location.

Alex Ebert

#40. If this were a different time, a different place, I would take you to bed with me and make love to you for days.

Anne Stuart

#41. At every period of history, people have believed things that were just ridiculous, and believed them so strongly that you risked ostracism or even violence by saying otherwise. If our own time were any different, that would be remarkable. As far as I can tell it isn't.

Paul Graham

#42. To his inner ear, the cardinal speaks. He says, I saw you, Crumb, when you were at Elvetham: scratching your balls in the dawn and wondering at the violence of the king's whims. If he wants a new wife, fix him one. I didn't, and I am dead.

Hilary Mantel

#43. I think that if you were somehow able to measure the weight of human kindness, it would have weighed more on 9/11 than it ever had.

David Levithan

#44. If you approach an opera as though it were something that always went a certain way, that's what you get. I approach an opera as though I didn't know it.

Sarah Caldwell

#45. I was not allowed to take spherical trigonometry because I'd sprained my ankle. Because I'd sprained my ankle, I had an incomplete in gym, phys ed. And the rule was that if you had an incomplete in anything, you were not allowed to take an overload.

William Shockley

#46. If you ask me what am I, I might say 'I am a Californian,' and if George Bush were here, he would say 'I am a Texan.'

George P. Shultz

#47. Strange that I should choose you for the confidante of all this, young lady; passing strange that you should listen to me quietly, as if it were the most usual thing in the world for a man like me to tell stories of his opera - mistress to a quaint, inexperienced girl like you!

Charlotte Bronte

#48. I told you what I wanted from you. If you're refusing, fine. I'll pull out and finish on my own. But you'll be wearing cum on your dress for the rest of the day. Either way those men are going to know you were in here being the dirty little slut that you are. Your choice. Do you understand?

Laurelin Paige

#49. You have discovered so much kindness and good will to those you thought were oppressed, and had no helper, that I am sure you will not despise what I have wrote, if you judge it will be of any service to them.

Jupiter Hammon

#50. You'll always be my girl. You were from the first moment I saw you. You were sitting in church with your brothers. You were eight years old, and I was twelve, and I thought, I hope she waits for me. Lucia, I'll wait forever if I have to.

Adriana Trigiani

#51. If you look back on all the teachers that you liked, I am sure you will find they were very entertaining.

Bill Nye

#52. Yes; but if dryads are foolish they must take the consequences, just as if they were real people," said Paul gravely. "Do you know what I think about the new moon, teacher? I think it is a little golden boat full of dreams.

L.M. Montgomery

#53. I needed to know you were what the promise of you seemed to be because I haven't been good with that shit in the past and, if you were, I needed to make certain you stayed where I wanted you to be.

Kristen Ashley

#54. She clenches the crystal necklace that Dagna gave me, the one I always wear. Never lose this, Harmony. It is a symbol of the beginning. The power that still lingers inside it will help you, but even as it fades, the memory of everything until now will carry you as if it were still strong.

Brandy Nacole

#55. The thing that influenced me most in relation to 'Nanny McPhee' were the Westerns I watched with my father. All the Spaghetti Westerns; all the Virginians; all the High Chaparrals. Because if you think about the form, it's a stranger from out of town.

Emma Thompson

#56. It's not even known how many kinds of cells there are in the brain. If you were looking for a periodic table of the brain, there is no such thing. I really like to think of the brain as a computer.

Edward Boyden

#57. The docks were said to be quite tough, but there were pubs you didn't go into if you were a respectable ... but um, I never felt a sense of danger in Liverpool.

Derek Taylor

#58. Take my advice, dear reader, don't talk epigrams even if you have the gift. I know, to those have, the temptation is almost irresistible. But resist it. Epigram and truth are rarely commensurate. Truth has to be somewhat chiselled, as it were, before it will quite fit into an epigram.

Joseph P. Farrell

#59. I have stood your meanness as long as I intend to. You have played the part of a damn scoundrel, and if you were any part of a man I would slap your jaws and force you to resent it ...

Nathan Bedford Forrest

#60. He took her hand. If it were in my power, I would take you to that place from your movie, over the rainbow where dreams come true. But all I can offer is myself, and I'm not going anywhere.

Lisa Kessler

#61. We hide behind our assumptions and preconceptions as if they were fortresses - shutting people out. I love to witness the fall of a preconception; the way it renders you naked

Karen Hitchcock

#62. If I were a writer, how I would enjoy being told the novel is dead. How liberating to work in the margins, outside a central perception. You are the ghoul of literature. Lovely.

Don DeLillo

#63. I think ... if things were different. If we were closer ... You'd be it for me, Star Girl. Is that stupid to say? That I think I could love you?

Nyrae Dawn

#64. You can't treat an illness with cosmetic surgery, and that's why it would be great if there were qualified therapists in plastic surgeons' offices, and that people would go to a therapeutic meeting before plastic surgery. I think that should be part of the FDA requirement.

Sharon Stone

#65. Nature speaks to me as if I were its beloved daughter. The mountain tells me: "You have my strength." The lakes tell me: "You have my peace and my calm." The sun tells me: "Shine like me, go beyond yourself. Listen.

Paulo Coelho

#66. When we got Tesla going at the very beginning, if you asked me what I thought the odds of success were, I would have said less than 50%. I would have said that failure is the most likely outcome.

Elon Musk

#67. and wonder if you were speeding. "I don't

Tracy Brogan

#68. If you can look at somebody and say, 'I never loved you, you were a mistake,' that's one thing. But if you look at him and say, 'You were everything and I poisoned it because I wouldn't stand up for myself,' that's hard. That's too hard ...

Jennifer Crusie

#69. I guess if you include contractors that are six or seven people working on reddit, but when we got acquired there were basically three and then in the years since, we've added three more developer hires full time, and a community manger. But the site is still remarkably small.

Alexis Ohanian

#70. I have seen that our best presidents were the do-nothing presidents: Millard Fillmore, Warren G. Harding. When you have a president who does things, we are all in serious trouble. If he does anything at all, if he gets up at night to go the bathroom, somehow, mystically, trouble will ensue.

Utah Phillips

#71. And if doctor says that you don't have IBS with constipation, you might want to get a second opinion, because I had doctors that were telling me ... of course, a lot of this has to do with science - progressing.

Cybill Shepherd

#72. If I were today on my deathbed, I would name my love of the color blue and making love with you as two of the sweetest sensations I knew on this earth.

Maggie Nelson

#73. I've always said women make the best agents. Deceit comes naturally to them. It's hardly surprising: If you were born with a little hole half the population could stick its dick into whenever if felt like it you'd learn deceit too. Biology is destiny. You can't blame women.

Glen Duncan

#74. What did you drop?"
"Nothing. Stand aside, Empress."
"So you were hiding."
He set his jaw, and I noticed his face was freshly shaved. It made his skin look soft.
"I've places to be," he growled. "So if you don't step outta my way, I will move your imperial figure myself.

Susan Dennard

#75. I was your man, you were halfway around the world from me, honey, I'd fucking phone you ... If you told me you needed a timeout, first, I wouldn't fuckin' let you have one. Second, I wouldn't give you reason to fuckin' want one. And last, you took off anyway, I'd fuckin' phone.

Kristen Ashley

#76. You drive well for a woman."
"That is so patronising. If I'd known you were going to say something like that I would have wrapped your precious Ferrari round a lamppost.

Sarah Morgan

#77. When I was growing up, hip-hop music existed as American thing. If you listened to it you were listening to an American subculture, whereas now you're just listening to pop music that everyone shares. I think that's big.

Jonas Carpignano

#78. If you were to come to the set of Alias, you'd know how silly we all are. And I mean, silly.

Victor Garber

#79. Would I employ you if you were obese? No I would not. You would give the wrong impression to the clients of my business. I need people to look energetic, professional and efficient. If you are obese you look lazy.

Katie Hopkins

#80. Preparation was a term I was to hear more and more. It had another more sinister meaning. If you were prepared, it meant you were doped.

David Millar

#81. I'm afraid you're going to have a rather boring couple of weeks, Mr. Smith. If I were you, I'd buy a couple of good books. You're going to need them.

Mina Carter

#82. I'm drawing a diagram of what time looks like if you're looking straight into it - like looking down a tunnel and seeing a circle, if the tunnel were an angry ten-dimensional crab, which is what, in vastly oversimplified terms, we mean by the human word time.

Austin Grossman

#83. I was very lucky in that my parents were very broad-minded. Because they had come from another country and hadn't been able to fulfill their dreams, they wanted me to be more of myself, if you know what I mean.

Anne-Marie Duff

#84. You almost got hit by a truck because you were checking me out?" I joked and he laughed loudly.
"Yeah. Good thing you saved me. It would have been your fault if I didn't make it," he said through a grin.

Shelly Crane

#85. I watched you for years," she whispered. The tears were drying on her cheeks, and heat was building within her. If he would just touch her. Touch her there. "I watched you and you never saw me.

Elizabeth Hoyt

#86. If I were useful, you wouldn't know it was me.

Tamora Pierce

#87. You were worried about me?" "No," Hal said. "I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.

Janet Evanovich

#88. Oh, I'll stay in the East, don't you worry," he said, glancing at Daisy and then back at me, as if he were alert for something more. "I'd be a God damned fool to live anywhere else.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#89. If I were you, I wouldn't try and track her down."
"Why not?"
"Because when it comes to Dee, you're better off not knowing where she's going or what she's up to. You'll only have to lie to the authorities later.

Shelly Laurenston

#90. The mages wouldn't be happy at all if they knew you were going after him. Master Rufus - "
"Let's kill him," Call said. Havoc growled.
"Master Rufus?" Aaron looked alarmed.
"No, of course not Master Rufus! I meant Jasper," Call said.

Cassandra Clare

#91. I could forgive you even your cruelty if it were not for your calm.

G.K. Chesterton

#92. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing
soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex ... well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.

Jhonen Vasquez

#93. You're not damaged. But even if you were, I'd spend the rest of my life fixing you. My life isn't mine either,Caitlin. I can't explain it, but since I've met you, I've felt a connection to you so strong that I can't deny it. I don't want to deny it. So my life isn't my own. It's yours.

S.H. Kolee

#94. If you look at Charles Dickens's time, there were so many different levels of society and everybody understood their place in it, it was that complex and simple. I'm not sure we have that now.

Anthony Horowitz

#95. You make me believe in happiness ... if I had my way, if anything were up to me, I'd never be without you. You are my purpose.

Courtney Kirchoff

#96. But if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has more to give.

Jane Austen

#97. Life is sexist. If you were to get pregnant, you're the one whose life changes. Nothing of significance changes for the boy. You're the one people whisper about. I've seen that show, Teen Moms. All those boys are worthless. Garbage!

Jenny Han

#98. Why did she do this to me?" I mumble. "Actually, Samuel, from my preliminary scans of your internal organs, it does not appear that our mother has done anything to you. Were you in need of repair as well? If so, I am certain she will -

James Patterson

#99. Soren huffed. "I saw her looking at me when we were changing into our uniforms."
"She was looking at you because you're built like a bull."
Soren's laugh was nervous, clipped. "Is that good?"
"It'd be great if she were a cow.

Veronica Rossi

#100. But let me reveal my heart to you entirely, my friends: if there were gods, how could I endure not to be a god! Hence there are no gods.

Friedrich Nietzsche