Top 100 If I Were You Quotes
#1. But you have so much in common. You're both from strange little backwater planets. You both have odd powers. You're male and she's female. What more do you need? Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor.
Dave Wolverton
#2. Well, Henry, if I were you I wouldn't worry", said the lawyer. "My belief is that your boy's born lucky, and in the long run that's better than to be born clever or rich.
W. Somerset Maugham
#3. I'm afraid you're going to have a rather boring couple of weeks, Mr. Smith. If I were you, I'd buy a couple of good books. You're going to need them.
Mina Carter
#4. If I were you, I wouldn't try and track her down."
"Why not?"
"Because when it comes to Dee, you're better off not knowing where she's going or what she's up to. You'll only have to lie to the authorities later.
Shelly Laurenston
#5. But if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has more to give.
Jane Austen
#6. If I were you, the operator sounds happy he's not.
Keri Hulme
#7. You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.
Jeaniene Frost
#8. I remember saying to my agent, "Listen, everybody's going out to Hollywood and making movies. I think I ought to go out there." And his advice to me was, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. If they want you in Hollywood, they'll send you." And sure enough, they did.
Morgan Freeman
#9. When I started travelling, I would go to a city and be on television and I used to get the question, 'Why do you work? If I were you, I'd just go and lie on a beach somewhere.' And I'd answer, 'Well, I wanted to make something of my life.'
Gloria Vanderbilt
#10. If I were you, I would never tell ugly stories about ingenious ways of killing people, for you never can tell but that someone at the table may be tired of his or her nearest and dearest.
Jeff VanderMeer
#11. When people oppose your view, you can become a lightning rod, but if I were you, I'd let them stew ...
John Geddes
#12. If I were you, I'd stick to the palm reading. Now, there's a trick that won't paralyze you from the neck down.
Angela Cervantes
#13. I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.
Jasper Fforde
#14. If I were you I would face my clothes, to make sure that no one runs off with them!
Abu Hanifa
#15. What would you do if you were me? she said.
If I were you-you, or if I were you-me?
If you were me-me.
If I were you-you, he said, I'd do exactly
what you're doing.
Robert Hass
#16. Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is: "I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
Dale Carnegie
#17. I want you to steal something."
I smiled. "Do you want the king's seal? I can get it for you."
"If I were you," said the magus, "I'd stop bragging about that." His voice grated.
My smile grew. The gold ring with the engraved ruby had been in his safekeeping when I had stolen it away.
Megan Whalen Turner
#18. If I were you, Antonio I'd stay my ass right there, and wait on the police. I've about had it with your shit.
Sai Marie Johnson
#19. There's a lot of things wrong with this country, but one of the few things still right with it is that a man can steer clear of the organized bullshit if he really wants to. It's a goddamned luxury, and if I were you, I'd take advantage of it while you can.
Hunter S. Thompson
#20. I see that you are working this vampire angle with some success. And kudos. Lots of girls love that sensitive-undead thing. But I'd drop the whole musician angle if I were you. Vampire rock stars are played out, and besides, you can't possible be very good.
Cassandra Clare
#21. I wouldn't point fingers if I were you. You know what they say: those who point fingers wind up with them broken so badly they point straight back at them. - Shazad
Alwyn Hamilton
#22. Fellow seems quite unbalanced," said Fudge, staring after him. "I'd watch out for him if I were you, Dumbledore.
J.K. Rowling
#23. 'I really don't see what all the fuss is about, Sir Hugh,' said Kate with a polite smile. 'As a man of science you should know that urine is sterile. It's only when it's left to stand that it accumulates bacteria. So, if I were you, Sir Hugh, I'd eat my soup quickly.'
Kenneth Oppel
#24. If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
Eoin Colfer
#25. I'll do what little I can in writing. Only it will be very little. I'm not capable of it; and if I were, you would not go near it at all. For if you did, you would hardly bear to live
James Agee
#26. I should hurry, then, if I were you," said Blackberry. "The sun will be down soon." "Hah!" said Bigwig. "If I meet a stoat, it'd better look out, that's all. I'll bring you one back tomorrow, shall I?
Richard Adams
#27. Ah, lust! How one would like to make it the cornerstone of self! But I wouldn't go ahead and build on it if I were you.
Elfriede Jelinek
#28. I wouldn't eat too many of those [half-baked ideas] if I were you. They may look good, but you can get terribly sick of them."
-Tock
Norton Juster
#29. I'd lose that smile if I were you." I jingle the car keys in his face. "Your life is in my hands, lest you forget " My imitation of his cockney accent is actually spot-on, I let myself bask in it,
A.G. Howard
#30. If I were you I'd put that away. See you're just wasted and thinking about the past again, darling you'll be okay.
Pierce The Veil
#31. Not that running away's going to solve everything. I don't want to rain on your parade or anything, but I wouldn't count on escaping this place if I were you. No matter how far you run. Distance might not solve anything.
Haruki Murakami
#32. If I were you," Tom said, "I should stick to reading, writing and arithmetic." "But what good is it to teach a child to count, if you don't show him that he counts for something?" Tom held up his hands. "I'm sorry, you're losing me." Mary exhaled smoke. "Possibly I am.
Chris Cleave
#33. I stay pressed against the solid structure as the doors open . "I'd get some air if I were you. From the feel of it, you seem a little hot and bothered.
E.J. Mellow
#34. If I were you, I'd put up that pistol, Mr. Ottershaw,' said Hugo. 'Were you meaning to challenge the ghost with it? You'd catch cold if you did, you know. It's no crime that I ever heard of to caper about rigged up as a boggard.
Georgette Heyer
#35. That's right. Who am I thinking of? Oh, I know. It's Cinna who likes you. But that's mainly because you didn't try to run when he set you on fire," says Peeta. "On the other hand, Haymitch ... well, if I were you, I'd avoid Haymitch completely. He hates you.
Suzanne Collins
#36. I should not, if I were you, wish to be, because 'sterner stuff' is usually forged by hardship.
Julie Anne Long
#37. She put her hand to her head and was about to plead a headache when she glanced at Barbra, who gave her a look that said, I wouldn't if I were you...
Elaine Coffman
#38. I'd watch out for doors if I were you.
Neil Gaiman
#39. She narrowed her gaze. "I don't trust you to keep your eyes closed."
"Smart woman," he said. "I wouldn't trust me, either, if I were you.
Christina Brooke
#41. Thanks, Baba. You are always such a comfort."
She gave him a wry look. "I know. I've been considering becoming a counselor. Or possibly a nurse."
Day shook his head. "If I were you, Baba Yaga, I'd stick to your day job.
Deborah Blake
#42. It's your call. You want to go back home, go ahead. But if I were you, I wouldn't. Home is death.
Jeff Abbott
#43. The letter is too belligerent. If I were you, I would state the facts as they were, without the pepper and salt. Abraham Lincoln
Harold Holzer
#44. There are fascinating possibilities in this situation. I'd get it down on paper if I were you.
Joe Orton
#45. If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth.
Shubham Choudhary
#46. Men aren't really complicated, Ana, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they've said - when really it's obvious. If I were you, I'd take him literally. That might help.
E.L. James
#47. If I were you, I'd clear those cobwebs out because there isn't a shop-vac out there strong enough to handle that job.
Flora Roberts
#48. I'd try eBay, if I were you," Harry replies. "You might even get more than you paid for it." Plenty of fools all over the planet willing to pay good money for allegedly haunted bric-a-brac.
Camille DeAngelis
#49. If I were you,
And you were I,
I would kill myself,
But you would die!
Bruce Jennings
#50. If I were you I'd promise to live life for all it's worth, take all you've been given and leave your mark upon this Earth. Trust your heart to show you everything you need ... and if you were you, I'd fall in love with me.
Collin Raye
#51. You can try, but you seem cleverer than Fudge, so I'd have thought you'd have learned from his mistakes. He tried intervening at Hogwarts. You might have noticed he's not Minister anymore, but Dumbledore's still headmaster. I'd leave Dumbledore alone, if I were you.
J.K. Rowling
#52. If I were you boys, I wouldn't talk or even think about women. It ain't good for your health.
Walter Huston
#53. Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you.'
'I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
Lisa McMann
#54. I wouldn't let anyone know she's here if I were you," Holder says. "I doubt you would want the fact that you're a fucking pervert to be front-page news.
Colleen Hoover
#55. It's all right, little woman, take my word for it. If I were you, I'd cry. You'll see things differently through your tears.
George Barr McCutcheon
#56. I wouldn't even consider it if I were you. But then if I were you, I would not be me, and if I were not me, I would not be able to advise you, and if I were unable to advise you, you'd do as you like, so you might as well do as you like and have done with it.
Catherynne M Valente
#57. Be aware that you can truly help people only by aiding them to become what they are, not what you are. I have heard you say 'If I were you, I would do this, or that.' 'I' am never 'you'
and my solutions may not be yours.
Anne Perry
#58. You certainly do heal fast. But you'll still have some impressive bruises, so if I were you I'd avoid your father for the rest of the night."
"I'll just tell him you abuse me," Helen said with a shrug. She jumped off the examining table.
"And I'll tell him you like it," he teased back.
Josephine Angelini
#59. I think the best comedy is tragicomic. Yeah, I suppose if you were to look at everything I've done, there is a bit of a black streak through all of it. It's not deliberate: it's what makes me laugh, and there's a fine tradition of it, especially in Ireland.
Sharon Horgan
#60. If you were in the film industry at that time, you were always picked up by directors who were much older. You were whisked about and shown things. I did work very hard though.
Diane Cilento
#61. Glorfindel smiled. 'I doubt very much,' he said, 'if your friends would be in danger if you were not with them! The pursuit would follow you and leave us in peace, I think. It is you, Frodo, and that which you bear that brings us all in peril.
J.R.R. Tolkien
#62. The first two drinks were always wonderfully liberating. You think better. You're braver, and you'll say anything. If you could just hang in there with two or three, it'd be beautiful. The trouble was I couldn't.
Barry Hannah
#63. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.
Rose Wynters
#64. Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.
Anthony De Mello
#65. If you were expecting Prince Charming, I'm sorry. He's with his boyfriend.
Shayla Black
#66. I can't stand these damn shows on museum walls with neat little frames, where you look at the images as if they were pieces of art. I want them to be pieces of life!
W. Eugene Smith
#67. If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends' houses so they don't see its backside.
Jeremy Clarkson
#68. She sits down at the end of my bed again. "Who were you with? Do you have a boyfriend now or something?"
I can't help but laugh. If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I'm pretty sure Roman is in love with him too. It's a love triangle gone wrong.
Jasmine Warga
#69. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.
Bert McCracken
#70. Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.
George Lopez
#71. If I waited long enough and said, "Okay, so what you're saying is you liked your life a lot better when you were 30?" everybody would get real quiet and then admit that that wasn't the case, that they really felt like they were sort of growing into themselves in a way.
Anna Quindlen
#72. Any man who isn't married by thirty-five is either gay or he's got skeletons in his closet.
Lisa Renee Jones
#73. If you were truly mine, I would never share you."
"Possessive, are you?"
"Extremely.
Evangeline Anderson
#74. Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."
Mitch Hedberg
#75. You're not gay, are you?"
Simon's greenish color deepened. "If I were, I would dress better.
Cassandra Clare
#76. I believe that if I should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth I would hear your footsteps.
Benito Perez Galdos
#77. She could not leave him hanging like this. "If you were hurt, I need to know." It was a rule somewhere, in the good-guy handbook.
Tara Janzen
#78. It's not unusual for writers to look backward. Because that's your pool of resources. If you were to write something now, I bet there's a pretty good chance you'd call on your teenage years, your experiences then, stuff you learned then.
Paul McCartney
#79. He took a moment, as if he were deciding which tack to go with. I think he chose honesty, but it's so hard to tell. And if you chose honesty as a strategy, is it still honesty?
Kate Morgenroth
#80. Did you refuse to be tested to see if you and he were Soul Complements because you were afraid you might want sex with him?
Yes, I am tactful that way.
Devon Monk
#81. I don't like when I watch a fight in a movie that's perfectly worded and very articulate. If you were able to be that composed, you wouldn't be fighting! Fighting in real life is sloppy.
Jason Segel
#82. We all have a different image of what old is, and if you were exposed to senior citizens at a young age, as I was, it can color your soul with terror.
Billy Crystal
#83. I think secrets often come out. I spoke to a friend who is a therapist and I asked her if there were people who came to her and admitted to doing horrible things and she said, 'More than you know.'
Alice Hoffman
#84. I would court you with passion, if things were different. you'd never get me off your porch swing.
Laura Whitcomb
#85. When I am telling it, it doesn't seem as if it was only made up. It seems more real than you are
more real than the schoolroom. I feel as if I were all the people in the story
one after the other. It is queer.
Frances Hodgson Burnett
#86. Angie Dickinson in 'Hollywood Wives' took me under her wing. If you look at that cast, I was definitely an 'outcast' ... so to speak. Most of them were of the same era, or just so much more experienced that I was.
Catherine Mary Stewart
#87. I don't know what has happened to movies, but lately every movie is at least 20 minutes too long. It used to be that if you were three hours long it was because it was epic - a movie about Gandhi; something with very important subject matters.
Ethan Hawke
#88. I don't believe in God, but I have this idea that if there were a God, or destiny of some kind looking down on us, that if he saw you taking anything for granted he'd take it away.
Hugh Laurie
#89. But I realized the place didn't matter. The person did. With someone you loved, you could be anywhere, and it would be incredible. Being in the most luxurious bed in the world wouldn't matter if you were with someone you didn't love. - Rose Hathaway
Richelle Mead
#90. The Afghans I met were some of the nicest and most honorable people I've ever encountered. There is a code called 'Pashtunwali,' so if someone invites you into their village, every last man will fight to protect your life. I was impressed by that.
Brad Thor
#91. I don't know you very well, and i'm almost afraid to know you better. Maybe i love you because i don't know you. Maybe if i knew what you were really like and what you wanted out of life and what you think is important, I wouldn't care for you at all and that would be the end of this.
Elliot Mabeuse
#92. I always felt if you were going to be successful, make sure you get good people. You win with great players. Coaches don't win games. Players win games.
Hank Stram
#93. If you were to ask me to define a photograph in a few words, I would say it is a fossil of light and time.
Daido Moriyama
#94. If I could prove by logic that you would die in five minutes, I should be sorry you were going to die, but my sorrow would be very much mitigated by pleasure in the proof.
G.H. Hardy
#95. Berlin would be a great place to have no cell phone, I think. Especially if you were able to live in a central location.
Alex Ebert
#96. If this were a different time, a different place, I would take you to bed with me and make love to you for days.
Anne Stuart
#97. At every period of history, people have believed things that were just ridiculous, and believed them so strongly that you risked ostracism or even violence by saying otherwise. If our own time were any different, that would be remarkable. As far as I can tell it isn't.
Paul Graham
#98. To his inner ear, the cardinal speaks. He says, I saw you, Crumb, when you were at Elvetham: scratching your balls in the dawn and wondering at the violence of the king's whims. If he wants a new wife, fix him one. I didn't, and I am dead.
Hilary Mantel
#99. I think that if you were somehow able to measure the weight of human kindness, it would have weighed more on 9/11 than it ever had.
David Levithan
#100. If you approach an opera as though it were something that always went a certain way, that's what you get. I approach an opera as though I didn't know it.
Sarah Caldwell
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