Top 42 Humourous Life Quotes
#1. We feel safer with a madman who talks than with one who cannot open his mouth.
Emil Cioran
#2. Whatever the choices one make in life, there will be the outcomes. But the question is: Will the outcomes be what one really expected?
Ezekiel Mosoatsi
#3. There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.
Chet Williamson
#4. I'm not stupid and I'm not brainy. I just lack execution sometimes.
I'm more of a "I should have said that" kind of gal. But there will be other days when I'll have a comback that'll knock ya flat and you knows it brov! ha-ha!
Ellie Williams
#5. As equality increases, so does the number of people struggling for predominance.
Mason Cooley
#6. The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#7. That spot was taken," Kara sat up to look at them. Stylized, short, black hair with bangs. Piercing blue eyes. Proper posture. Lean. It was Oliver.
"I don't think a bag counts as a person," he smiled down at her.
Alexis Tiger
#8. Optimism was for children. Once you reached adulthood then you had to join the rest of the world as a realist - life was a bag of shit you were expected to pay for.
NikNak
#9. No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.
Plato
#10. It was a Wednesday, I think. Yes, a Wednesday, that miserable day sandwiched between the dreadful Monday and Tuesday and the 'all right' Thursday and Friday, which ultimately gave way to what I hoped woud be a glorious weekend.
Gauri Jhangiani
#11. Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch ... "
Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life.
Terry Pratchett
#12. There was my life before I told a strange woman in a negligee that I was a homosexual, and now there would be my life after, two chapters so dissimilar in style and content that they might have been written by different people.
David Sedaris
#13. I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#15. As we get older, we tend to become more risk averse because we tend to find reasons why things won't work. When you are a kid, you think everything is possible, and I think with creativity it is so important to keep that naivety.
Heston Blumenthal
#16. That's what I mean by being bilingual: comfortable in your skin, comfortable with all parts of who you are.
Henry Louis Gates
#17. The only way to vanquish cowardice is to brandish courage.
Charles M. Blow
#18. We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him.
"So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.
James Patterson
#19. Yesterday I bought myself a new, very sharp kitchen knife.
And I managed to cut my finger within 5 minutes of getting home!
Those plastic packages are bloody dangerous!!!
Gary Edward Gedall
#21. People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up
Maureen Johnson
#22. Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.
Lois Greiman
#23. Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.
Taylor Swift
#24. Oh how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice & all. "I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?"
"Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole life history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm.
J.D. Salinger
#26. Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.
Ilona Andrews
#27. Everybody says they want to be free. Take the train off the tracks and it's free-but it can't go anywhere.
Zig Ziglar
#28. Just when you've squared up to the solemn realisation that life is a bitch, it turns round and does something nice, just to confuse you. - Emily Spitzer, The Better Mousetrap
Tom Holt
#29. When the power goes out, we jump up to ... To what? It's weird. We're so used to electricity, when it's gone, we don't know what to do. So we jump up or squeal or start jabbering like idiots. We panic. It's like someone cut off our oxygen.
Rick Yancey
#30. Many feel that writers are a dime a dozen, so the goal is to break through and make it to the value of a penny.
Wil Zeus
#31. Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding 'Your money or your life' had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on.
Terry Pratchett
#33. When I was in my early twenties I didn't have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series of wants and whims. But recently I had felt overwhelmed by longings that seemed to lunge out of me in the most awkward situations.
Tyne O'Connell
#34. Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#35. With 'America's Next Top Model,' I've always cast girls who the industry might call 'plus size' but I like to call 'fiercely real.' That was always important to me.
Tyra Banks
#36. Grace before Glutton. For what we are, gifs a gross if we are, about to believe.
James Joyce
#37. You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality
Oscar Wilde
#38. Like some winter animal the moon licks the salt of your hand,
Yet still your hair foams violet as a lilac tree
From which a small wood-owl calls.
Johannes Bobrowski
#39. Sometimes I pretend I have an insomnia problem when what I really have is a good book and a lack of respect for tomorrow's schedule.
Anonymous
#40. Cancer. And every day these women got up and did what they had to do because they were caregivers, wives, friends, mothers. There
Karen McQuestion
#42. Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life.
Mary Quant
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