Top 48 Humor Mess Quotes
#1. Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' - or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people.
Nenia Campbell
#4. You only get one life.
Too bad you already made a mess of it.
Peter James West
#5. I'm the bathroom master
I'm a real bowl blaster
Don't mess with me
'Cause I can mess it up faster
With just one flush
I can make a toilet gush
When my sister cleans it up
I just turn her to mush!
R.U. Slime
#6. While my body might say, "I'm small and vulnerable," my hair warns, "DON'T MESS WITH ME.
Lindsey Stirling
#7. Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
MaryJanice Davidson
#8. Where did you get that candy again?" Leven asked, worried.
"The pile said 'flavored'," Clover answered back, his face a chocolatey mess.
"Flavored?" Leven said exasperated. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," Clover argued. "F-l-a-w-e-d
flavored.
Obert Skye
#9. Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain.
Kyousuke Motomi
#11. Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
Jim Butcher
#12. My appearance was cringe-worthy. If I asked the mirror who it considered to be the fairest of them all, it'd reply with, "Damn girl, it ain't you. You're a hot mess.
R.S. Grey
#13. From the corners of her mouth, thick yellow goo bubbles. It matches the mess between Vesper's fingers, the slime on her chin, on her legs, the blobs that randomly pepper things, the blast radius massive, confounding
Peter Newman
#14. On Wall Street, the lawyers play the same role as medics in war: They come in after the shooting is over to clean up the mess.
Michael Lewis
#15. I didn't think about being king," he said, his voice hoarse.
Eddis stared. "Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library?
Megan Whalen Turner
#16. Write with your heart, not your head. Brains tend to ooze out of your ears and nose when things get intense. Then you're a mess.
Lori Lesko
#17. With all her finesse for cleaning, Snag sometimes felt that her biggest contribution to mankind was making a mess of things.
Sere Prince Halverson
#18. I realize you're planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-"
"I'm going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can't fucking mess with you. This is about territory."
Tom narrowed his eyes. "Are you going to piss a circle around me too?"
"If that's what it takes.
S.E. Jakes
#19. My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.
Bill Cosby
#20. Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it ...
Terry Pratchett
#21. Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess.
Howard Mittelmark
#22. You broke through the humor of my little theater and tried to make a mess of it, stabbing with knives and spattering our pretty picture-world with the mud of reality.
Hermann Hesse
#23. Manuelo: Have another muffin. They're still warm from the oven.
Chloe: My life is a mess, Manuelo. Another muffin isn't going to help.
Manuelo: It can't hurt.
Megan Stine
#24. I actually plan to mess up my life and start over every seven years. That way, I'll never get in a rut. I read somewhere that most of your cells only live about seven years anyway, so in theory you literally are a new person; I figure that's the best time to start over.
Jody Gehrman
#25. That is the freakiest thing that ever happened to me." I nodded toward the mess. "And if you knew my life, you'd realize just how freaky that is.
Patricia Briggs
#26. I want Little Noah looking like a beat-up mess by the time he's eighteen."
"Why?"
"Cause no woman wants a delicate man. He needs to be sporting at least five scars.
S. Walden
#27. I was told very sternly at the hospital to avoid boys at all costs. Mess up your levels."
"Oh, they do that!" Amy laughs. "Probably best to leave them alone for a while. The secret, though, is to start with one you're not that bothered about."
What is the point in that?
Teri Terry
#28. New Rule: Instead of killing 99.9 percent of germs, Lysol has to just go ahead and kill them all. Why spare the remaining 0.1 percent? So they can return to their villages and tell the other germs, "Dude, do not mess with Lysol"?
Bill Maher
#29. So, in the name of science, I demand that we mess around with guns!
Andrew Hall
#30. Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
Lemony Snicket
#31. Well", Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. "I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them" He held his hands up to them. "Look Ma, no mess."
"Does Fang have an off switch?" Talon asked Vane.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#32. The Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.
Jasper Fforde
#33. One: Don't play leapfrog with elephants.
Two: Don't pet a tiger unless his tail is wagging.
Three: Never, ever, mess with the Ladies Auxiliary.
-Mayberry Rules for a Long, Happy Life
Lauren Myracle
#34. I've loved him for a decade. And I had him for one day before I made a complete and utter mess of things. Or he did. I'm still not sure about that.
Sarah MacLean
#35. If I take a tumble, I'll mae quite a splash, but at least I won't smash against the deck and make a mess. Still be dead, though.
L.A. Meyer
#36. The Americans called theirs the Officers Club but the Canadians called ours the Officers Mess. The American term was the more honest; ours the more accurate. Drunken officers at play are messy.
R.J. Childerhose
#37. I'll keep it in my bedside drawer, in case I'm woken in the middle of the night and mistake the cat for an intruder. An honest accident."
"You're not shooting the cat. It would leave a mess.
Kelley Armstrong
#38. The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want, but when you start interfering with the right to get caffeinated, someone has to pay.
Chris Kyle
#39. Well, I am glad you boys didn't try to use my saws, or we would really have a mess," Big Tim teased.
Gretchen Preston
#40. I don't experience writer's block, I only have periods of severe writer's diarrhoea; an incoherent mess of unfitting words placed in random sentences. Luckily, I can usually separate the shit from "the shit" later on.
Kevin Focke
#41. What's with savage humans always wanting to cannibalize us?" Jaden asks as she runs past Summer to check for any more of the Tainted around the corner.
"They want to suck your blood," Rob says in a Romanian accent.
Jaden snorts. Too bad humor won't help them out of this mess.
Laura Kreitzer
#42. You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
Chelsea Handler
#43. Slartibartfast's study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library.
Douglas Adams
#44. Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro
Beth Yarnall
#45. My whore of a brother has done it again." "Then, as always, orders me to clean up the mess." "I think I hate him." Poseidon to his brother, Zeus.
Yelle Hughes
#46. Expel the object!" Freak shouts. "Regurgitate, you big moron!" and he gives me another thump and I cough up this yucky mess, but I'm still laughing so hard my nose is running.
Rodman Philbrick
#47. It's good to leave your room super-messy when you're away. Whoever tries to break into your room will thought it has already been ransacked.
Douglas Adams
#48. The Magenpies, obviously suspecting Larry of being a dope smuggler, had fought valiantly with the time of bicarbonate of soda, and had scattered its contents along a line of books, so that they looked like a snow-covered mountain range.
Gerald Durrell
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