Hallmark Card Quotes

#1. It will never belong in a Hallmark card, but I drove a car into a house and killed a man for you. You chained me up for days and I still wanted to come back and talk over our darkly sordid, slightly kinky, and a lot warped relationship. Face it, you're stuck with me.

Kylie Scott

#2. You told me I was part of the clan, that I was one of you. You told me you'd protect me, treasure me, and that no one would ever hurt me again. You told me we'd have eternity together, like a freaking Hallmark card!

Kresley Cole

#3. Watching 'The Sound of Music' is like being beaten to death by a Hallmark card.

Doug McClure

#4. No matter what you feel is holding you back in life, you can attempt anything.
Repeat that motivational cup sentence until it gets in your gut and doesn't sound like something stupid on a Hallmark card, because it is the basis for anything that will make you happy in this world.

Felicia Day

#5. Not really. It's a just a change of address. You moved into my heart a long time ago. That's some fuckin' progress for you." As soon as the words left his mouth, he laughed. "Fuck me. I'm a Hallmark card.

Anonymous

#6. A Hallmark card with paragraphs about my beauty written by a stranger is vaguely depressing.

Emma McLaughlin

#7. The world of enlightenment, and that which creates enlightenment, is much different than what most people would think. Most people have Hallmark Card descriptions of what creates enlightenment. And if their descriptions were correct, then everyone who is in religious practice would be enlightened.

Frederick Lenz

#8. The reduction of anguish to Hallmark-card hurt. The

Taiye Selasi

#9. I don't want to sound like a Hallmark card, but to be able to wake up each day with food and shelter, that alone is good. Forget aging and the fact that my butt is becoming a little more familiar with my knees than my tailbone. If you are six feet above ground it's a good day. So, give me more!

Faith Hill

#10. If a man belittles a woman, it could become a lawsuit. If women belittle men, it's a Hallmark card.

Warren Farrell

#11. I want to explore marriage without the usual Hallmark Card platitudes. Life is difficult, and I like movies that acknowledge that.

Harold Ramis

#12. Affectionate violence. For when a hug just won't do. That's a Hallmark card for you.

Lauren Beukes

#13. You're not like anyone I've ever known. I want to be with you ... really be with you. Only you. I've never felt this way about anyone. And I know I sound like a freaking Hallmark card, but it's true. I've never wanted all the things I want to have when I'm with you.

Emma Chase

#14. Does Hallmark make a "Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner" card? I settled for "How much do you remember?

Molly Harper

#15. The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.

Douglas Adams

#16. Unbelief about the existence and personality of Satan has often proved the first step to unbelief about God.

J.C. Ryle

#17. Boredom, which had begun as a mild infection, now took him over completely.

Toni Morrison

#18. The bards sing of love, they celebrate slaughter, they extol kings and flatter queens, but were I a poet I would write in praise of friendship.

Bernard Cornwell

#19. Those were the great days when plenty of amateurs could spare time for cricket.

Frank Woolley

#20. And by the way, you really do suck in the romance department. Hallmark will never put that last paragraph on a card.

Alessandra Torre

#21. She wondered if Hallmark made a card for women like her - "Happy Valentine's Day. One more year celebrating your spinsterhood.

Kathleen Brooks

#22. My mother never liked Mother's Day. She thought it was a fake holiday dreamed up by Hallmark to commodify deep sentiments that couldn't be expressed with a card.

Meghan O'Rourke

#23. I think I'm the best candidate not just to beat President Obama, but to do what is necessary to get this country going, a conviction conservative who can rally the American public around a common set of values.

Rick Santorum

#24. So far as I knew, Hallmark didn't make a "Sorry I Interrupted Your Oral Sex" card.

Joanna Wylde

#25. When I was young, I had no choice as to what I was eating.

Danny Meyer

#26. Don't kill me because I'm gay,
pray for me for it is God who created me.

Ocean Crisstopher Poet

#27. I learned that day that no matter how demanding a person's tone, no matter how many times she asks something, she might not actually want an answer. I

Alexandra Oliva

#28. Whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say
It is well it is well with my soul.

Horatio G. Spafford

#29. I found religion in the greeting card aisle now i know hallmark was right

Ani DiFranco

#30. Perhaps it is a secret yearning of all Hallmark employees to use the phrase 'you big fat pain in the butt' in an anniversary card.

Stephan Pastis