Funny Train Sayings

#1. Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around

Lisa McMann

#2. Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

Darynda Jones

#3. I watch 'The Bachelor'. It's one of those things where I always think if it didn't exist and it was on 'SNL,' we would think it would be a ridiculous, funny idea. But it actually exists ... It's a glorious train wreck that I love to watch.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler

#4. I've been thinking of installing a train in my house. It could bring me shrimp crackers from the kitchen.

Cassandra Clare

#5. Baseball players practice, runners practice, so how can you practice being funny? You get up onstage. You train as an improviser, playing make-believe, using the vernacular of improvisation, saying 'yes and' to other people's ideas, making statements.

Ali Farahnakian

#6. Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.

David Letterman

#7. That's very funny," says Peeta. Suddenly he lashes out at the glass in Haymitch's hand. It shatters on the floor, sending the bloodred liquid running toward the back of the train. "Only not to us.

Suzanne Collins

#8. So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

Tommy Cooper

#9. It was like watching an angsty hormone-fueled train wreck and firmly cemented my resolve to be at least twenty-five before I considered getting hitched.

Stacey Jay

#10. All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought

Robert Breault

#11. I lost my balance when the train pulled away, but a human crumple zone buffered my fall. We stayed like that, half fallen. Diagonal People.

David Mitchell

#12. I can't stay. I have to go train for a while. You can come with me if you want." He kisses my nose as I laugh up at him.
"Honey, I don't run. If you ever see me running, you'd better start running too 'cause that means that something is chasing me.

Kristen Proby

#13. Instead of finding himself in nerd heaven - where every nerd gets fifty-eight virgins to role-play with - he woke up in Robert Wood Johnson with two broken legs and a separated shoulder, feeling like, well, he'd jumped off the New Brunswick train bridge.

Junot Diaz

#14. Fate has a funny way of intervening in people's lives.

Katie Ashley

#15. What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

Frankie Boyle

#16. Suddenly, however, the dastardly department of my personality presented two plans, one of which involved dynamite, mustache wax, some rope, and train tracks ... which I rejected due to financial investment.

Laurie Notaro

#17. Dolphins : Animals that are so intelligent that, within a few weeks of captivity, they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them food three times a day.

Hal Roach

#18. Funny way to get to a wizards' school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they?

J.K. Rowling

#19. When you're in a train and it breaks down, well, there you is. But when you're in a plane and it breaks down, there you AIN'T.

Amy Hill Hearth

#20. Here." He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. "You'll be warmer, and I promise I won't grope you or anything."

Yes, because getting groped by a handsome, charming man hours after getting dumped by a workaholic iceberg was such a repulsive notion.

Meg Maguire

#21. Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven't you already lost?

Conan O'Brien

#22. The policemen agreed they were living with a most peculiar fellow. One moment he was reading classical literature in the original French and quoting Tennyson, and the next he would be discussing the best way to blow up a train.

Ben Macintyre

#23. Jean sat at the end of the bar, watching Jerry Springer as she drew deeply on a long cigarette. The woman smoked like a freight train, especially while watching talk shows.

Rose Wynters

#24. So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Tommy Cooper

#25. The train gives off an earsplitting insect hum. It seems like you're watching something physically impossible, like a person lifting a house, or hearing a joke so funny the laughter threatens to rip you apart, and then, with a puff of air, it's over. When

Matthew Amster-Burton

#26. I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?

Tim Vine

#27. Once I started I couldn't put it down. It was so addictive ... like a train wreck.

Katie Klein

#28. Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.

Dennis Miller

#29. It's funny, when you're a child you think time will never go by, but when you hit about twenty, time passes like you're on the fast train to Memphis. I guess life just slips up on everybody. It sure did on me.

Fannie Flagg

#30. Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.

Kenny Everett

#31. If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

Craig Ferguson

#32. There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Bo Burnham

#33. I've no idea where ideas come from and I hope I never find out; it would spoil the excitement for me if it turned out I just have a funny little wrinkle on the surface of my brain which makes me think about invisible train platforms.

J.K. Rowling

#34. Since I've retired, I eat less, weigh less, train less and care less.

Ray Mancini