Funny Heaven Quotes

#1. There are few things better than losing yourself in a book. And if you're lucky enough to have that adventure continue in a series, it's like chocolate ganache on the icing on the cake.

Richelle E. Goodrich

#2. I know what dissipate means, Arty. I'm not three, for heaven's sake.

Eoin Colfer

#3. You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

Katt Williams

#4. Lobo: "Hmph! Never figured I'd wind up in heaven...A bad-ass dude like me!

Spirit Guide: "It happens sometimes. The "Infinite Mercy" clause is only used in extreme cases.

Keith Giffen

#5. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Sam Levenson

#6. I don't even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.

Shannon L. Alder

#7. Heaven's Bakery help them all.

Jamie Farrell

#8. You're beautiful in battle," said Dimitri. His cold voice carried to me clearly, even above the roar of combat. "Like an avenging angel come to deliver the justice of heaven."
"Funny," I said, shifting my hold on the stake. "That is kind of why I'm here."
"Angels fall, Rose.

Richelle Mead

#9. Amber was busy flirting with a rookie named Dead Meat if he didn't stop flirting back. She was eleven, for heaven's sake! Of course, he may have just been humoring her. And it was a little cute. In a gross, Chester-the-molester kind of way.

Darynda Jones

#10. Working on 'Parks' was like heaven because everyone there was just intimidatingly intelligent and funny, and we would have these hilarious debates about really tangential things. It was inspiring because I felt really challenged to be my best.

Chelsea Peretti

#11. Life on the streets is short. People look at you in disgust, even the ones who give you alms, but this is nothing compared to the revulsion you feel for yourself. It's like being trapped in a walking corpse, a corpse that's hungry, stinks, and refuses to die.

Carlos Ruiz Zafon

#12. Equal partnerships are not made in heaven-they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.

Bruce C. Hafen

#13. Instead of finding himself in nerd heaven - where every nerd gets fifty-eight virgins to role-play with - he woke up in Robert Wood Johnson with two broken legs and a separated shoulder, feeling like, well, he'd jumped off the New Brunswick train bridge.

Junot Diaz

#14. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Clint Eastwood

#15. Coincidences are glimpses in to the creative mind of the universe.

Deepak Chopra

#16. I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I'm heaven's landscape painter.

Bauvard

#17. Well, I'm not scared of death because I know where I'm going. And the funny thing is that the worst thing Satan can throw at you is death. So if I get death, I get heaven.

Colton Burpo

#18. If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

Mark Twain

#19. Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there.

Dennis Sharpe

#20. We criticize people for not giving us what we ourselves are afraid to ask for.

Marshall Rose

#21. Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?

Confucius

#22. When the world began, there were no such things as monsters. Demons were just fallen angels who, booted out of Heaven and bored with Hell, wandered the Earth sticking little girls' pigtails in inkwells and sinking the occasional continent.

Richard Kadrey

#23. If heaven was created only for the most stupid clown, then Mr Bean could have been the only righteous man on earth.

Michael Bassey Johnson

#24. I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

Daniel Tosh

#25. What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

Mark Twain

#26. Slay Goliath and the army behind him scatters.

Matshona Dhliwayo

#27. It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell.

George Herbert

#28. There was real beauty to the old idea of living and dying where you were born.

Annie Dillard

#29. Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.

Bauvard

#30. The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.

Fakeer Ishavardas

#31. Swing low, sweet chariot, comin'for t'carry me home ... ' was the tune I hummed as I made the beds, and waited for the news to come that our grandfather was on his way to heaven if his gold counted, and to hell if the Devil couldn't be bribed.

V.C. Andrews

#32. The neuroscience area - which is absolutely in its infancy - is much more important than genetics.

Leon Kass

#33. Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

Oscar Wilde

#34. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

#35. The falsetto stuff, it must be a reaction to the black gospel singers that I really enjoy listening to.

Justin Vernon