Sam Levenson Quotes

#1. Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.

Sam Levenson

#2. Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village

Sam Levenson

#3. Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Sam Levenson

#4. Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

Sam Levenson

#5. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Sam Levenson

#6. You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.

Sam Levenson

#7. One antidote for sexual truancy lies in simply teaching youth the wonder, the miracle, the reverence for the creation of life itself. Life is a divine creation. You don't take chances with creation.

Sam Levenson

#8. For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Sam Levenson

#9. The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.

Sam Levenson

#10. The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

Sam Levenson

#11. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Sam Levenson

#12. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

Sam Levenson

#13. We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

Sam Levenson

#14. If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.

Sam Levenson

#15. The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.

Sam Levenson

#16. When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

Sam Levenson

#17. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.

Sam Levenson

#18. It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

Sam Levenson

#19. I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

Sam Levenson

#20. The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

Sam Levenson

#21. You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

Sam Levenson

#22. I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.

Sam Levenson

#23. When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

Sam Levenson

#24. It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.

Sam Levenson

#25. The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Sam Levenson

#26. Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Sam Levenson

#27. If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Sam Levenson

#28. Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

Sam Levenson

#29. You can't start at the top.

Sam Levenson

#30. The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.

Sam Levenson

#31. I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Sam Levenson

#32. Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

Sam Levenson

#33. More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.

Sam Levenson

#34. The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.

Sam Levenson

#35. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Sam Levenson

#36. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.

Sam Levenson

#37. A woman's place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman's pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.

Sam Levenson

#38. Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

Sam Levenson

#39. Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

Sam Levenson

#40. It's simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

Sam Levenson

#41. Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

Sam Levenson

#42. One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

Sam Levenson

#43. If you want to kill time, try working it to death.

Sam Levenson

#44. The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy ... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

Sam Levenson

#45. There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.

Sam Levenson

#46. We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

Sam Levenson

#47. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Sam Levenson

#48. Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

Sam Levenson

#49. It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

Sam Levenson

#50. At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."

Sam Levenson

#51. Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

Sam Levenson

#52. It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

Sam Levenson

#53. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Sam Levenson

#54. How wise are thy commandments, Lord. Each of them applies to somebody I know.

Sam Levenson

#55. The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

Sam Levenson

#56. Democracy means doing whatever you want without asking permission of anybody but your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, your landlord, your bank, your city, your state and federal authorities, and your wife and children.

Sam Levenson

#57. Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

Sam Levenson