Funny Gross Sayings

#1. And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers
I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)

Christopher Moore

#2. I don't like watchingpeople get shot so I would be a little skittish about that - squeamish, but I must say, I don't think the argument that this is going to offend Muslims is a legitimate argument.

Jedediah Bila

#3. what makes it funny to people is that it's a gross distortion of something very familiar. For

Neal Shusterman

#4. Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester.

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

#5. Amber was busy flirting with a rookie named Dead Meat if he didn't stop flirting back. She was eleven, for heaven's sake! Of course, he may have just been humoring her. And it was a little cute. In a gross, Chester-the-molester kind of way.

Darynda Jones

#6. We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross.

Shawn Wayans

#7. I like gross generalizations ... I also like disgusting specifics!

Josh Stern

#8. I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

Zach Galifianakis

#9. If all I need to do is smile, your culture is highly dependent on the shallowness of outer appearances." "Yeah," I laugh. "We know. A million dead philosophers have told us before.

Sara Wolf

#10. I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.

Stephen King

#11. I can only give you some hints. You have to place him in a situation where your advantages are magnified.

Christopher Pike

#12. Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross!

Jerry Coleman

#13. Revel in grossness. Leave food in your teeth. Proudly display feminine hygiene products.

Jennifer Ziegler

#14. Oh gosh, it's moving! It's so gross! Can't you just, like, flex your butt or something?
Why, yes. Travis clenched his teeth. Why don't I just clench my butt muscles in hopes that it will shock the spider enough to crawl back into the hellhole it came out of?

Rachel Van Dyken

#15. A room - full of detached feet - like hundreds of them. Maybe thousands! And I saw the king in there. He was having an orgy with them. It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen. Like a bunch of insects crawling all over his naked body. Except they weren't insects.

Colleen Chen

#16. Sol? As much as I appreciate you making me this lovely womanly blanket ... you think we could try lying like normal people who don't want to merge into one being?"
"Can't have that. We'd make one gross merged being. Your ass and my ass together? The universe would run in terror.

Charlotte Stein

#17. Gross things sound funny and set people up to listen to something a little uninviting.

Brian Chippendale

#18. Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.

Andrew Smith

#19. The one thing I regret is that I will never have time to read all the books I want to read.

Francoise Sagan

#20. The chime wasn't the most pleasant sound in the world to wake up to, but Eric had awakened to far worse in the past. Gunfire was always a sure way to go from dead to the world to more alive than you'd ever been, assuming none of the bullets actually struck you.

Evan Currie

#21. There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.

Adam Rex

#22. She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.

Tammara Webber

#23. The despicable crone known as Mombi stands accused of high witchery, gross dishonesty, untold crimes against monkeys, outrageous trespassing, and general unpleasantness. Also, she is extremely unattractive. Miss Amy, do you speak for the witch?

Danielle Paige

#24. I want women to love Jesus! That is what I would give every single thing I have for, every earthly good I've got. That is the greatest desire of my heart.

Beth Moore