Funny Art Teacher Quotes

#1. My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: I want a spiritual teacher.

Elizabeth Gilbert

#2. Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

Socrates

#3. I allowed myself a little bit of relief. That was a lot less bad than I though it would be.
"Of course, we'll also have to have a parent-teacher conference. Do you have a parent available to call right now?"
Never mind. That was enough to ruin my whole year.

August Westman

#4. Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

Derek The Ghost

#5. She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not ... you know, better."
"Define BETTER with that guy."
"Not all fangs and raaaaar.

Rachel Caine

#6. My seven a.m. teacher was from France. And he spoke Frenglish. Sometimes it was funny, but when he announced which chapters we should study and the names came out in English, but the chapter numbers came out in French, I wanted to strangle the sacre bleu out of him.

Lila Felix

#7. I am a teacher. Pay close attention - this will be on the test. You don't wreck buildings. You don't take children hostage. And you don't threaten people with violence. Okay class dismissed. Looks like you fail!

Yoko

#8. Those secrets are things that most people don't learn, because they are not enthusiastic enough, or bright enough, or patient enough, or funny enough; or still enough.

Frederick Lenz

#9. She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

Fred Allen

#10. The simplest comment on my book came from my ballet teacher. She said, I wish you hadn't made every line funny. It's so depressing.

Quentin Crisp

#11. It's a funny thing - the reality is I have no feelings about school. It's long gone. Funnily enough, the bad memories - of which I don't have any left to be honest, I can just remember a sense of tedium - have faded. And teachers that I liked have remained quite vivid. There are three or four left.

Colin Firth

#12. Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

Zach Galifianakis

#13. I think comedy is no different now than it was at other points. It takes a long time to get good and know how to distill what makes you funny beyond the realm of standup, which is what I'm trying to do with Teachers Lounge.

Ted Alexandro

#14. There are the class clowns that are disruptive and the kids laugh and you earn the teacher's disdain, I was the kind of class clown that also cracked the teacher up. I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny.

Jason Mantzoukas

#15. How'd you get to be so good at this?"
"I had a good teacher."
"Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass."
"I mean you, dummy."
"Oh.

Rachel Caine

#16. Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school.

Harlan Coben

#17. Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.

Edward Griffith Begle

#18. I'm twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I'm the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.

H.J. Bellus

#19. I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

Chic Murray

#20. Bite me, Goth princess," Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."
"Maybe you should say that to Michael."
"Not funny, Eve," Michael said.
Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit," she said.

Rachel Caine

#21. I didn't understand how funny this play Much Ado About Nothing truly was until I became an English teacher and had to teach it. There is no wittier dialogue anywhere.

Dan Brown

#22. Zeb was kindergarten teacher
a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Molly Harper

#23. You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach ... but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"

Jim Gaffigan

#24. I had gone to New York with no plan at all. I did a lot of jobs - barman, teacher, security guard, postman and construction worker - and I was meeting many eccentric characters, and they were saying funny things, which I always wrote down.

Adrian McKinty

#25. The American audience has really opened up to women being A.) funny and B.) kinda crude. 'Bridesmaids' is R-rated, and I think it was a major coup for women to have an R-rated comedy that did really well. Same as 'Bad Teacher.'

Chris Pratt

#26. Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she replied. With unexpected politeness he bowed, thanked her, and said, likewise.

Carsten Jensen

#27. I like happy things, I'm really calm and peaceful. I like birds, bees, I like people. I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful ... like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in pre-school!

Eminem

#28. A teacher is really invaluable. A teacher will instruct you in how to stabilize your energy field, increase it, and decrease the loss of energy in your life and how to be balanced, wise, and funny.

Frederick Lenz

#29. I wanted to write at school - to write funny stories which the teacher might ask me to read out to the class. It's all basically about showing off.

Mark Billingham

#30. Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.

Noel Fielding

#31. There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing; and then stuff them elegantly.

Lola J. May

#32. A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category - gentlemen masquerading as beasts?

Sabrina Jeffries

#33. Eventually light prevails, you just have to be patient. So practice Buddhism, learn to be enlightened, put a smile on your face, go find a great teacher, meditate, and stay funny.

Frederick Lenz

#34. Sorry I'm late, Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late.

Adam Rex

#35. In school we chanted, along with our teacher, I am the Captain of my fate, I am the Master of my soul, and meanwhile, within my own body, an anarchic insurrection had been launched by one of my privates- which I was helpless to put down!

Philip Roth

#36. Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad, how much combat do you think he saw?

P. J. O'Rourke

#37. Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

Henny Youngman

#38. Promise me, Amelie, that you'll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love."
"I hardly think there's any chance of that," Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.

Rachel Caine