Top 51 British Humor Quotes
#1. I love British humor. It's just so - surreal.
Beck
#2. The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.
Garrison Keillor
#3. Some smart alecs of those days after World War I used to say: The French fought for liberty, the British fought to control the seas, but the Americans fought for souvenirs.
Harry Truman
#4. The British nation is unique in this respect: they are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst.
Winston S. Churchill
#5. Agatha Christie n. A silent, putrid fart committed by someone in this very room, and only one person knows whodunnit.
VIZ
#6. Am I bothered? Am I bothered though. I ain't doing nothing cause I ain't bothered.
Catherine Tate
#7. Henry Denton: You Brits really don't have a sense of humor do you?
Elsie: We do if something's funny, sir.
Julian Fellowes
#9. It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.
Frankie Boyle
#10. I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.
Simon Pegg
#11. Ello, love. Fancy a cuppa?"
"You're not British, Isis," Naomi says.
"I can be things," I insist.
Sara Wolf
#12. Thank God for modern medicine. It was not until 1905 that ergophobia (the morbid fear of returning to work) was first identified and reported in the British Medical Journal. As yet there is no known cure, but doctors have been working on it, and may get back to working on it sometime soon.
Mark Forsyth
#13. I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.
Rod Stewart
#14. Tea? Good God, no. It's mud. How the British ever built an empire drinking the filthy stuff is beyond me. And if we carry on drinking it, I've no doubt that the empire won't last much longer. No, a civilized person drinks coffee.
Charlie Higson
#15. The pleasant fact is that the British are not much good at violent crime except in fiction, which is of course as it should be.
Bill Bryson
#16. Geoff's arm emanated with a solid warmth I longed for after our days aboard S.S.
British-Craphole.
Katherine McIntyre
#17. What the semicolon's anxious supporters fret about is the tendency of contemporary writers to use a dash instead of a semicolon and thus precipitate the end of the world. Are they being alarmist?
Lynne Truss
#18. Rook Thomas, you look different somehow."
"Well, I recently got the shit kicked out of me," she said.
"Ah, that would be it then.
Daniel O'Malley
#19. I read my email aloud to hear how it sounded, then I read it again in a British accent to make sure it didn't come across as pretentious.
Jerry Mahoney
#20. I think American guys tend to be a bit more forward, a bit more chatty and open than the Brits. The Brits seem to have a darker sense of humor, though I have met some Americans who have adopted bits of the British dry sense of humor as well.
Hayley Atwell
#21. American grammar doesn't have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm
Stephen King
#22. corgi 1. n. A high class hound, such as those that accompany the Queen. 2. n. A high class hound, such as the one that accompanies Prince Charles.
VIZ
#23. The British and Americans are two people separated by a common language.
George Bernard Shaw
#24. Bowen looked nervously about for peasants. It would be unendurable if they all turned out to be full of instinctive wisdom and natural good manners and unself-conscious grace and a deep, articulate understanding of death.
Kingsley Amis
#25. What good is it, being two stranded British fops in the heart of America, if we don't announce it on Halloween by wearing enormous fuzzy hats for the purpose of our humiliation?
Red Tash
#26. There were the years - years of childhood and innocence - when I had believed that carminative meant - well, carminative. And now, before me lies the rest of my life - a day, perhaps, ten years, half a century, when I shall know that carminative means windtreibend.
Aldous Huxley
#27. I like to provide American humor for British soccer coaches when possible. During keeper practice I'll offer to stand behind the goal and shag a few balls!!
Neil Leckman
#28. British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
Peter Ustinov
#29. Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Jeremy Clarkson
#30. Godfrey's wife Charmian sat with her eyes closed, attempting to put her thoughts into alphabetical order which Godfrey had told her was better than no order at all, since she now had grasp of neither logic nor chronology.
Muriel Spark
#32. I wondered how a man ever got an English girl into bed. What did they do with her hockey stick?
James A. Michener
#33. Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.
Lee Westwood
#34. I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out.
Ben Aaronovitch
#35. Emily's ginger brows were knit tight, the edges of each almost meeting over the bridge of her pert nose. You know I will, you daft baggage. As if we have any other option.
Kady Cross
#36. At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned out to be almost as painful.
Matt Rudd
#37. I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor.
Jonny Lee Miller
#38. One day, and it may be long off, but one day there will be bacon again. It might be mouse bacon, but that will do for me.
Frank Tayell
#39. Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.
Frankie Boyle
#40. I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor.
Simon Pegg
#42. Morris Weissman [on the phone, discussing casting for his movie]: What about Claudette Colbert? She's British, isn't she? She sounds British. Is she, like, affected or is she British?
Julian Fellowes
#43. The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
#44. There is nobody as hopelessly vulgar as a British aristocrat ...
Charles Finch
#45. Elegant presents soon followed. Leather luggage for Jesse's travels and a lovely mink-lined coat to keep her warm in the 'abominable British weather.' It is a country 'only a Druid could love,' Maharet wrote.
Anne Rice
#46. Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Douglas Adams
#48. I have no idea what a British sensibility or a British sense of humor is. I have no concept of what that is. I have no concept of what American sensibility is. I was born in Great Britain, but I was only there for six months, and we moved to Belgium, where I grew up.
Frank Oz
#49. Of course those that have charm don't really need brains.
Evelyn Waugh
#50. Yeah. Floyd is his batman."
His what?"
Batman, like in the British army, each officer had a batman, a personal servant."
You spend too much time reading, Spenser. You know more stuff that don't make you money than anybody I know.
Robert B. Parker
#51. You took out a book on blow-job technique from the British Library? They shouldn't have books like that in there!
Sarra Manning
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