Zombie Apocalypse Humor Quotes

#1. I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society.

G.G. Silverman

#2. Dress for success. Also arm yourself for it.

Jesse Petersen

#3. My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.
Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)

Graham Parke

#4. The question: What color is my parachute?
The answer: blood red, brains gray, sludge black.

Jesse Petersen

#5. Rich dad, poor zombie.

Jesse Petersen

#6. Profits are everything; but to get them you have to catch a zombie.

Jesse Petersen

#7. God exists. He has one wicked since of humor, and right now he's having a grand old time punking the planet.

Forrest Carr

#8. Strive for the 4 hour work week. The rest of the time run like hell.

Jesse Petersen

#9. Expand. Why stick to just killing zombies? Or killing them just one way.

Jesse Petersen

#10. I'm sure my unique brain tastes the same as a normal brain. Actually, mine might be slightly tastier.

J. Cornell Michel

#11. Building relationships is building business. Also, you sometimes need other people to kill all the motherfucking zombies.

Jesse Petersen

#12. Think win-win. You probably won't get it, but think it.

Jesse Petersen

#13. No," I agreed. "The zombie apocalypse is still a few years off, right?"
"That's up to you to decide. Tell you what, we'll do it for fun someday when you're really bored.

Cait Reynolds

#14. Mia,' she whispered. I turned around. 'What?' I whispered back.
She smiled at me a little. 'LEEERRROOOY JEEENNKKIINNNSS!' she shouted, then spun around and ran toward the Z's in the lighting section.

John Green

#15. Partnerships don't last forever. The zombie apocalypse just might.

Jesse Petersen

#16. Protect your brand - and your ass.

Jesse Petersen

#17. I killed a couple of people," Scooter said. "Wanna play cards?

Forrest Carr

#18. I fared excellent on the zombie apocalypse assessment; however, I did not do so well on the surviving without your love questionnaire.

Amanda Mosher

#19. Who moves my cheese? ...and my shotgun?

Jesse Petersen

#20. Fake it til you make it. Just make it.

Jesse Petersen

#21. Be proactive; and ready to run if proactive backfires.

Jesse Petersen

#22. Do fight unwinnable battles. Sometimes they're worth it.

Jesse Petersen

#23. Thank you, Deke. You are very good to me." "I know," he smirks. "Can I get back in your bed now?

Alison Kemper

#24. It's just like an alcoholic to think he's doing the Zombie Apocalypse wrong.

Michele W. Miller

#25. Strive for more. More zombies, more fighting, more profit.

Jesse Petersen

#26. We need to put your sister in a glass case like Snow White," Colonel Hamilton said, his arms crossed. He was monitoring the radio chatter from the deck of a gunboat. "With a sign on it that says 'Break in the event of a zombie apocalypse.'

John Ringo

#27. Don't forget the little people, even when you want to.

Jesse Petersen

#28. Profits aren't everything. If you can get out with only your ass intact, that's pretty good too.

Jesse Petersen

#29. Don't fear change. Just fear everything and everyone else.

Jesse Petersen

#30. Plus, I wondered if any of these celebrities were alive; or if Brangelina was now a zombified couple.

Shannon Jaeger

#31. Do what you love and the zombies will follow.

Jesse Petersen

#32. Yes, because in a zombie apocalypse, there's a lot of downtime to get your hair done.

J. Lynn

#33. If I could make one wish, I wouldn't ask for world peace. I'd wish for a real zombie apocalypse. I'll take Romero zombies any day over this counterfeit harmony bullshit.

J. Cornell Michel

#34. One day, and it may be long off, but one day there will be bacon again. It might be mouse bacon, but that will do for me.

Frank Tayell

#35. If she did bitch-slap me, I'd bitch-slap her right back, but I resented the word bitch and all its familiar forms, as it was degrading to women and dogs everywhere.

G.G. Silverman

#36. S'up?" he asks. My voice rattles when I answer. "N-not much. You know, reanimated corpses chasing me on a cruise ship. Same old.

Alison Kemper

#37. If I can face a street full of rabid zombies, I can tell a boy I like him. Right?

Alison Kemper

#38. When one door closes, a window opens and then zombies pile in and bite you in the ass.

Unknown