The Ex Wife Quotes

#1. There is something about my aura or essence, or whatever, that draws the ex-wife characters to me. I don't seek them out, but people tend to think of me for that particular archetype, or whatever you want to call it, and I don't mind it. I think there is a strength to it.

Natalie Zea

#2. Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that's how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories.

Jarod Kintz

#3. Grocery shopping was intimidating...the aisles were filled with everything from jumbo to miniature travel-sized rations. Who could I call to ask, "Does the size even matter?" I dare not ask my ex-wife.

Tez Brooks

#4. My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.

James Woods

#5. In your ex-wife's stingy, slutty pussy, is the subtle point I'm trying to portray.

R.K. Lilley

#6. A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

Jim Samuels

#7. She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box.

Evel Knievel

#8. Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he's arguing with three people at once, it's his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress.

Jay Leno

#9. Debbie often talked about Gretchen as if she was his mistress. But to Archie it sometimes felt like the other way around. As if, by moving back in with his ex-wife, he was cheating on Gretchen.
That was probably worthy of bringing up in therapy

Chelsea Cain

#10. I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!'

Marilyn Manson

#11. If a tree falls in the forest and kills your ex-wife, what do you do with the lumber?

Neil S. Plakcy

#12. Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

David Letterman

#13. Going back to your ex is like taking back your spit from the ground.

M.F. Moonzajer

#14. Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife.

David Letterman

#15. Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#16. Someone called all the newspapers in New York and told them I'd died. I've been told by almost everyone it was an ex-wife - I've had a few so it's hard to pinpoint which one - but who knows for sure?

Richard Pryor

#17. When I think of the moment I knew that my marriage to Josiah would end, there were a few moments before I really, really knew. I probably knew, when I saw my ex-husband and his now wife - then colleague - having tea together in his office, that something was amiss.

Isabel Gillies

#18. I don't know what I want. And, if that's the case, as my ex-wife said, I'd only hurt people.

Haruki Murakami

#19. My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.

Louis C.K.

#20. Besides Bob Satterfield, the only ones who ever hurt me were my ex-wives.

Jake LaMotta

#21. Nathan kissed Madeline on the cheek and shook Ed's hand enthusiastically. He took an ostentatious relish in the civility of his dealings with his ex-wife and family.

Liane Moriarty

#22. I settled in to watch a Dragnet rerun. I bought the judge in four of Jack Webb's drunk-driving beefs. I shtupped Jack's ex-wife, soaring songstress Julie London.

James Ellroy

#23. An ex-wife is a woman with a crick in the neck from looking back over her shoulder at her matrimony.

Ursula Parrott

#24. Any time I sit down at my laptop to write and I'm feeling lazy, or that I can't be bothered, or if I'm generally just lacking inspiration, I sit there and remember life with my ex-wife, and the words flow from my fingertips.

Shane K.P. O'Neill

#25. I had one of the best days of my life. I spent the afternoon with my two kids and my ex-wife at Serendipity. Then I came to the theater, and you know, I think I did the play the best I've ever done it.

Gabriel Byrne

#26. Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up

Janet Evanovich

#27. My parents, my teachers, my friends, my ex-wife-everybody held up a mirror and I accepted the image that came back. Well, it finally dawned on me that my reflection in others' eyes was the truth once removed.

Richard Moran

#28. My wife - an ex journalist and current TV producer - has a rule that she taught me at the start of B3ta. Does the item make you laugh, or does it make you go, 'Oh my God?' If you score on either count, then you have something that is worth sharing.

Rob Manuel

#29. I've always been a person who tries to build bridges and not walls. Whether it's my ex-wife and my step-son, or my daughter and my ex, I'm that guy in the middle, and I try to make sure we all stay together.

Chad Coleman

#30. Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man's access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man's access to) their kids.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#31. The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia.

Paul Gascoigne

#32. The embryo of my second novel, Bobby's Diner, came to life because of my husband's ex-wives. Let's just say, they inspired the writing.

Susan Wingate

#33. To his ex-wife in court, he said I lost interest in you when the Botox lost its effect and you looked like a plastic doll that escaped from a fire.

Peter Jackson

#34. I had a dog. Ex-wife took him, and the house."
Is that why you like country music?"
He eased himself our of the closet. "Huh?"
"Just a joke. Sorry about your dog.

Jeri Smith-Ready

#35. Has anyone else here seen or fought a nightmare?"
Marshal Spence Neumann lifted his head. "Seen one. Swear to God it looked like my ex-wife for a second."
A chuckle rumbled within the group. Someone mumbled, "She was a nightmare.

Erin Kellison

#36. In the words of Richard Driehaus, "The stock market is like a woman. You observe her. You respond to her. And you respect her." That is not as easy as it sounds. Just ask my ex-wife.

Gary Antonacci

#37. My father's very public life as Famous Amos was the opposite of that of his ex-wife, my mother Shirley, who was fighting a very private, solitary battle with mental illness.

Shawn Amos

#38. An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.

Helen Rowland

#39. Like the locked room upstairs? Listen. I've read Jane Eyre. That better be a red room of pain up there, and not your ex-wife.

Kristan Higgins

#40. I do feel free, I have patched things up with my ex-husband to the degree of this real friendship. We spend a lot of time together as a family with our son, no way will we be man and wife again.

Beccy Cole