Summer Humor Quotes

#1. When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

Jimmy Carr

#2. My boyfriend is named Percocet," I say. "We're very close. I even went to Europe with him last summer.

E. Lockhart

#3. Long hair will make thee look dreafully to thine enemies, and manly to thy
friends: it is, in peace, an ornament; in war, a strong helmet; it ...
deadens the leaden thump of a bullet: in winter, it is a warm nightcap; in summer,
a cooling fan of feathers.

Thomas Dekker

#4. It is not summer, England doesn't have summer, it has continuous autumn with a fortnight's variation here and there.

Natasha Pulley

#5. The Czechs are downright crazy about mushrooms! In late summer and autumn, a foreigner might even get the impression that the number of sponge-hunting Czechs roaming about in the forests with a punnet largely exceeds the possible number of mushrooms.

Terje B. Englund

#6. Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

Langston Hughes

#7. Dad" I pleaded, "this is so [cuss word you never, ever say in front of your mother] ridiculous.

Jennifer Echols

#8. I wouldn't accept your help if I was blind and needed guidance across a six-lane highway. Now please go away!

Katie Fforde

#9. The English winter is long, cold and wet, just like the English summer

Benny Bellamacina

#10. What, no Star Wars?"
Solo sighs. "I wanted to bring the original, unaltered Episode IV, in which my namesake shoots first, as our Lord and savior intended."
"Why didn't you?"
"I only have it on VHS, and my dad's old VHS player broke halfway through the summer.

Jeff Garvin

#11. The closest she had been to them was certain summer evenings when they had gone for picnics in the magravine's ice-barge -- simple family affairs, just Freya and Mama and Papa and about seventy servants and courtiers

Philip Reeve

#12. TO A CHILD, BEHELD IN SUMMER RAIMENT
Little girl, one lesser garment
will suffice to clothe your crotch,
Hide that undiscovered cavern
Where old Time will wind his watch.

William Gaddis

#13. It was a hot sticky night in Barcelona and all the good whores had the summer flu.

Dan Jenkins

#14. The Produce Gem grins from half-way down the chip aisle. "And I thought the cucumber choosing was detailed."
Cash.
He was watching.
He saw me breaking it down.
He saw my invisible bad summer-time fashion choices.

Pella Grace

#15. I had a dream about you last night. In this dream we were walking down the beautiful Japanese streets of Florida. Fukuoka is nice in the summer.

Rodney Jenkins

#16. Yet here apparently on this stifling summer afternoon was the eye of Mr. Flay at the outer keyhole of the Hall of the Bright Carvings, and presumably the rest of Mr Flay was joined on behind it.

Mervyn Peake

#17. Okay, let's do a tally. You think I'm infuriating, wimpy, and...adorable."
"I never said adorable."
He shifted closer, craving the heat of her body. "I know, but you're thinking it.

Cathryn Fox

#18. America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Dennis Miller

#19. I think we're too young to be dating. I mean I don't see what the rush is." Summer says.
"Yeah, I agree," said August. "Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all those babes who keep throwing themselves at me and stuff?

R.J. Palacio

#20. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school

Josh Stern

#21. The evening was still warm enough for shirtsleeves, and the city was clinging to summer like a wannabe trophy wife to a promising center forward.

Ben Aaronovitch

#22. The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

Stephen Colbert

#23. What's in your head is more important than what's on your head. - THE WIG: Crazy Summer

Renata Suerth

#24. I smile thinly, to make it clear that this will happen when hell turns into a family friendly summer resort.

Lauren Beukes

#25. Jev stroked his chin. Do I look like a summer fling?

Becca Fitzpatrick

#26. Once upon a time, I had two close friends. Shocking, I know, given my natural charm, but there are those who just don't appreciate my brilliance.

Julie Kagawa

#27. My eyelashes tickled the peephole. from Fogged Up Fairy Tale (Summer 2014)

Denise Baer

#28. Just be careful, hon," Rosanna said.
"Oh, are the plates hot?" I flinched back just before my hands made contact.
Rosanna laughed. "No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily.

C.J. Duggan

#29. He is some brainless, beautiful creature, who should always be here in winter when we have no flowers to look at, and always here in the summer when we want something to chill our intelligence.

Oscar Wilde

#30. Prove to me that you deserved it.

Kristine Cuevas

#31. There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]

Dorothy Parker

#32. Do I look like a shallow Summer girl to you?' She tossed her silver hair, offended. 'I'm a Winter Court royal. I kill silly Summer flowerlets with frost when I yawn.

Vicki Keire

#33. I was doing the new Summer Lady a favor, running down a rogue
storm sylph. Got to go all over the place in those tornado-chaser
geekmobiles. You should have seen the look on the driver's face when he
realized that the tornado was chasing us.

Jim Butcher

#34. Herr Altenburg, I can't; I have vertigo.' And Marek looked at him: 'All right - I'll get the chemist to fix me something.

Eva Ibbotson

#35. This is worse than Hollywood, he thought. A girl comes in with a pork chop and I write a song for her.

Eva Ibbotson

#36. Happier'n young'uns bustin' outta school fer summer break!

K.D. Harp

#37. Hello, Not-There, Piper said. Not-There was her private name for God just lately. Earlier in the fall it had been The Great Maybe. During the summer, it had been The Omnipotent Could-Be.

Stephen King

#38. I have a map of the United States ... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.

Steven Wright

#39. A layer of fine powder coats his skin.
"My lungs are turning to concrete," Rob wheezes, hacking and spitting.
"So are my eyes. How do I always get roped into these things?" Avery coughs and pats Rob's back in sympathy. A poof of dust billows from the contact.

Laura Kreitzer

#40. If I ever invade Calderon again," he said, "it will be in the summer.

Jim Butcher

#41. What's with savage humans always wanting to cannibalize us?" Jaden asks as she runs past Summer to check for any more of the Tainted around the corner.
"They want to suck your blood," Rob says in a Romanian accent.
Jaden snorts. Too bad humor won't help them out of this mess.

Laura Kreitzer