Top 100 Smartass Quotes
#1. Deemed a fool is better than smartass.
Toba Beta
#2. (Mutters under his breath) Smartass AI. (Louder) Well, we're not dead yet, so it could be worse. I'll let you know if we blow up. (Under breath) Let's see how far we can push before we really do break something critical.
Rolf Nelson
#3. Smartass Disciple: Master, I feel really really confused about the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Only confused? Walk in my shoes then you tell me.
Toba Beta
#4. Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.
Jim Butcher
#5. Hey, T-Rex? Remind me next time I want to get smartass with you that it's a really stupid move on my part? (Talon)
Oh, no, you don't, you wuss. You told me the next time you saw Ash you were going to ask him if he'd seen the movie 10,000 BC and if it'd made him homesick. (Wulf)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#6. Smartass Disciple: Master, please show me the way to the enlightenment.
Master of Stupidity: Walk with me! [but I won't let you try to surpass me].
Toba Beta
#7. Smartass Disciple: Master, why should people love each other ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, orgasm is felt better than kill each other.
Toba Beta
#8. Sway says you've been taking really good care of him for me. (Claria)
Well, his mom did a great job housebreaking him, so he doesn't require too much work. Not to mention Vik doesn't mind walking him once a day. It's all good. (Devyn)
You're such a smartass. (Claria)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#9. Smartass Disciple: I've been searching for so long.I still can't find the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Until you've lost and felt desperate, you won't be found.
Toba Beta
#10. I jerk my head toward Thomas and immediately curse myself for trying to be a smartass. My head is not healthy enough for smartassery.
Kendare Blake
#11. Smartass Disciple: Where were all things before the time began?
Master of Stupidity: What was the time before all things created?
Toba Beta
#12. I got body snatched by an alien." McClane grumbled a protest. "A sentient alien armor and weapons system," Riley clarified. "Very sophisticated. Very unique. Very much a smartass. His name's McClane
J. Fally
#13. Smartass Disciple: Master, what will happen to the men right after their death ?
Master of Stupidity: They live with a same or different part of their consciousness.
Toba Beta
#14. In the vast game of Darwinian musical chairs, whenever the music stopped there were large numbers of people without a seat - and some smartass had sold them guns.
Daniel Suarez
#15. Smartass Disciple: Master, you should teach people not to do war to each other.
Master of Stupidity: I should teach people how to win their minds of their wars.
Toba Beta
#16. I like smartasses, because I can be smartass back and rashy.
Blake Butler
#17. Smartass Disciple: Master, why God let human did sins in the beginning?
Master of Stupidity: If the saviour must come, why should He prevent that?
Toba Beta
#18. Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance?
Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept.
Toba Beta
#19. I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass.
Jim Harrison
#20. It's why we oppose Citizens United from that right-wing Supreme Court. In 2012, I also said the Tea Party "acted like terrorists" and called a donut shop manager in Milwaukee who wanted lower taxes a "smartass." And I said the number one issue is a three-letter word, J-O-B-S." I'm proud of who I am.
Joe Biden
#21. Is this the river of hate, or the river of smartass?
Kendare Blake
#22. For God's sake, get down off the cross - someone else needs the wood." He grinned widely. "I always wanted to be able to use that." "Smartass," I retorted. "Well, Christ on the cross didn't groan as much as you are.
Andrew Grey
#24. Smartass Disciple: Master, I'm going to change the whole world.
Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you.
Toba Beta
#25. There are also several notes in your file suggesting that you are a world-class smartass." "Really? You mean I made it through the nationals?" "And you apparently think you're hilarious." "You're saying I'm not?
Jonathan Maberry
#27. Smartass Disciple: Master, why heaven is up there and hell is down there ?
Master of Stupidity: If otherwise, it wouldn't be celebrated as ascension day.
Toba Beta
#28. Smartass Disciple: Master, how could I know that you've told me the whole truth?
Master of Stupidity: Someday. [Never on earth. Otherwise I'd lose you and my job]
Toba Beta
#29. Even Christian - the poster child for "smartass" - looked grim.
Richelle Mead
#30. Smartass Disciple: Master, where will you go after your soul leaves your body?
Master of Stupidity: What makes you think a soul will go elsewhere physically?
Toba Beta
#31. Eve "I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass.
J.D. Robb
#32. Smartass Disciple: Which one was first created, time or things?
Master of Stupidity: No things, no changes. No changes, no time.
Toba Beta
#33. Two of my fav pieces of wisdom from Phoebe:
- Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible.
- Remember, it's always better to be the smartass rather than the dumbass.
Jill Shalvis
#34. Smartass Disciple: Master, what are you talking about? None of us understand!
Master of Stupidity: Be patient! It is not ended yet. The end justifies the means.
Toba Beta
#35. Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn't judge others?
Master of Stupidity: Don't! Unless you are paid for it.
Toba Beta
#36. I would try being friends with her, but she's too busy being a smartass."
"Now you know how the rest of us feel," Jim said.
Ilona Andrews
#38. Are you having a good time with ... Ash?" "Are you having a good time with Happy Hands?" I bit down on my lip. "Such a constant smartass.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#39. Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind.
Toba Beta
#40. Smartass Disciple: How the hell do we find the truth ?
Master of Stupidity: Just seek it with hope it'll find you.
Toba Beta
#41. Smartass Disciple: My master, please show me how to be a wise man!
Master of Stupidity: I can't. But I can show you how to do something wisely.
Toba Beta
#42. Smartass Disciple: What were said for things before the time exist?
Master of Stupidity: No words to be said by no man at no time at all.
Toba Beta
#43. Smartass Disciple: Master, why do some people so stubborn and unruly ?
Master of Stupidity: Only when you want them do according to your wish.
Toba Beta
#44. Smartass Disciple : Master, why you keep telling about the truth? Nobody hears.
Master of Stupidity : O Yea. They hear but don't listen. Anyway, no fun in silent.
Toba Beta
#45. Smartass Disciple: Three years! I've listened you preaching just for this silly truth?
Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth?
Toba Beta
#46. Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to eradicate all corruptions in this world.
Master of Stupidity: Let it be a bit! Otherwise you'll make us jobless for good.
Toba Beta
#47. Smartass Disciple: Master, that guy's teaching is somehow annoying me.
Master of Stupidity: Only as long as you stay tuned for pissed-off channel.
Toba Beta
#48. Smartass Disciple: Master, how do I know that I am not dreaming right now ?
Master of Stupidity: You don't. Only those who see you're dreaming can tell it.
Toba Beta
#49. Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass.
Robyn Peterman
#50. Smartass Disciple: Master, we should not spend our time to low life like them.
Master of Stupidity: If I don't, then how should I lead men like you to be wiser?
Toba Beta
#51. Smartass Disciple: If there were two masters, which one should I listen to?
Master of Stupidity: Use the ears to the one who looks so stupid, eyes to else.
Toba Beta
#52. Smartass Disciple: Master, if you are so good, can you drive a car with your eyes closed?
Master of Stupidity: Thou shall not break the rules of drive safely.
Thou shall not tempt the police as well.
Toba Beta
#53. I'm totally crazy, I know that. I don't say that to be a smartass, but I know that that's the very essence of what makes my work good. And I know my work is good. Not everybody likes it, that's fine. I don't do it for everybody. Or anybody. I do it because I can't not do it.
Maurice Sendak
#54. Smartass Disciple: Please teach me about the truth, master.
Master of Stupidity: Hmmm ... tell me about your sexperience!
Toba Beta
#55. Emma pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Okay, here's a really bad analogy for you. Aidan is like the Indy 500 of Sex, and I need someone who is more - "
"Bumper cars?" Casey asked.
"I was going to say the slow lane, smartass.
Katie Ashley
#57. I shopped,"she said
"Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
"Smartass.
J.D. Robb
#58. Smartass Disciple: Master, where is exactly the edge of this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: Edge is wherever the absence of universal gravity.
Toba Beta
#59. Smartass Disciple: Master, I don't need a fairytale.I need you to tell me the truth.
Master of Stupidity: It is not funny if you just found it. No drama if no lost at first.
Toba Beta
#60. Smartass Disciple: But, you said that it's the truth??
Master of Stupidity: O Yes. That is yesterday's truth.
Toba Beta
#63. Smartass Disciple: Master, you keep preaching the truth. They don't listen.
Master of Stupidity: Oh that's not bad. That attitude keeps us in the business.
Toba Beta
#64. If you decide to war with us, you will fail and suffer an eternity of misery," he informed, his tone steady and cold. "Is that explicit enough?"
"Oh, don't be so dramatic," I said cheerfully, getting in touch with my inner smartass.
Laura Kreitzer
#65. Don't. I'm all sweaty and bloody," I protested.
"Heavens, not sweat and blood," he replied mockingly. I managed to smile. Smartass vampire.
Jeaniene Frost
#66. Smartass Disciple: Master, tell me what is it beyond this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: No 'space' in no 'gravity'. No 'thing' in spaceless.
Toba Beta
#67. There's nothing worse than a smartass who pretends not to understand hyperbole.
Steven Brust
#68. Always a smartass, I thought, even in the worst situations. I think I kind of loved him just for that.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#69. I don't try to be completely calculating in everything I say and do, but there's no way I'm going to talk. There's no reason to. And that's why I'm such a boring interview, because I don't go for the shock value, or smartass answers.
Chris O'Donnell
#70. My feet took an involuntary step backward as I suddenly envisioned a world where I wasn't a hot tempered smartass. It was a pretty world.
Jennifer R. McDonald
#71. Smartass Student : 'a man must have his own master.'
Master of Stupidity: 'yea, everyone's somebody's bitch.
Toba Beta
#72. Smartass Disciple: Why men don't ready yet to join the intergalactic confederation?
Master of Stupidity: Men could make them laugh to death. It'd be too risky for them.
Toba Beta
#73. Smartass Disciple: Why do arrogant people like to say complex words ?
Master of Stupidity: Ask them straight! You'll get a simple scary version.
Toba Beta
#74. I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."
I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"But you said you-"
"I know what I said you smartass,
L.A. Casey
#75. A smart terminal is not a smartass terminal, but rather a terminal you can educate.
Rob Pike
#76. Smartass Disciple: Does stupidity a sin?
Master of Stupidity: No stupidity, no sin.
Toba Beta
#77. Smartass Disciple: Master, what do say about the truth itself ?
Master of Stupidity: Like sex, no fun anymore if all is revealed.
Toba Beta
#78. Smartass Disciple: If you are really a master, then make me see miracles!
Master of Stupidity: Go to sleep and dream, then wake up thirty years later!
Toba Beta
#79. Logan lifted an eyebrow, looked at me, then back to Nate. That really touched me. I have no smartass comment to follow that.
Tijan
#81. Smartass Disciple: Master, can you trust this bank to keep your money safe?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I can put a bit less distrust on this bank than others.
Toba Beta
#82. It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartass.
Douglas Adams
#83. Smartass Disciple: Master, what did you do to earn wisdom ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I forget. Shit happened, life goes on.
Toba Beta
#84. Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to be the better me by forgetting my past.
Master of Stupidity: If you just forget it, how would you measure you're better?
Toba Beta
#85. Smartass Disciple: Master, what is the secret recipe of your happiness?
Master of Stupidity: If I tell you, there is nobody left to be made fun of.
Toba Beta
#86. Smartass Disciple: Master, how do you heal the broken heart?
Master of Stupidity: It isn't a disease need to be healed. It's life.
Toba Beta
#87. Smartass Disciple: Master, why there was no second chance in garden of eden?
Master of Stupidity: Of course. Perhaps, human can only enjoy one-time virginity.
Toba Beta
#88. Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.
Master of Stupidity: No 'the end' for the truth. 'Prevail' is something else.
Toba Beta
#89. It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job.
Andrea Speed
#90. You are all wave particles when I close my eyes. I am no more entranced by your entanglement than a butterfly is to a bee.
Solange Nicole
#91. If you can't acquaint an opponent with reason, you must acquaint his head with the sidewalk.
Lee Child
#92. Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen
Olivia Cunning
#93. Please don't let it be really hot here.' New Orleans in August was about as hot as he wanted to deal with. And he definitely didn't want to smell rotten eggs for eternity. He'd had enough of Kyrian's dirty laundry for that.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#95. Tanner: I think that I might kiss you to keep your lips busy with something other than insulting me.
Ella: If you think you can do it without getting lost.
Melissa Lemon
#96. Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there.
Dennis Sharpe
#97. You're arrogant, domineering, egotistical, and disdainful of the law."
He lifted one amused brow. "And your point would be?
J.D. Robb
#98. I remind myself that if there was anything in the air that would react with my body, it would've reacted with the scanner. What I really want right now is a second scanner to scan this scanner.
Hugh Howey
#99. We'll call ourselves Victorious Secret and our motto will be 'We Live to Spank You.' Duuude. Yes! I'm basically the smartest person in the world. Ever. You in? Of course you're in. Practice begins tomorrow.
Gena Showalter
#100. Please, Eve, these public displays of affection must stop. I have a reputation."
"Keep it up, ace, and I'll give you a public display of affection that'll have you limping for a week."
"Now I'm excited.
J.D. Robb
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