Scott Adams Dilbert Quotes

#1. Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

Scott Adams

#2. Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo

Scott Adams

#3. I should have written that down.
- Dilbert

Scott Adams

#4. Dogbert to Dilbert
"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else?

Scott Adams

#5. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots.

Scott Adams

#6. 'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.

Scott Adams

#7. The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.

Scott Adams

#8. if anybody feels unworthy to enter heaven,
well then at least let heaven enter his soul.

Toba Beta

#9. Any experience, however, trivial in its first appearance, is capable of assuming an indefinite richness of significance by extending its range of perceived connections.

John Dewey

#10. It's important to maintain an attractive smile as you age. A lighter, less beige, more white tooth color is key, but no Chiclets.

Evelyn Lauder

#11. Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.

Scott Adams

#12. The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.

Scott Adams

#13. Dogbert gazing at night sky No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there. Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth. DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception. DilbertIt's the miracle of science.

Scott Adams

#14. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Scott Adams

#15. Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night.

Scott Adams

#16. I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

Scott Adams

#17. I find it difficult to believe that God would want us to strip the courts of their powers to interpret the laws of this land, albeit with the divergent opinions. I shudder that my colleagues do not understand the dynamics of the Federal judiciary.

Alcee Hastings

#18. Final things are for children, because infinity scares children, and it is important that children sleep peacefully at night.

Yevgeny Zamyatin

#19. Love is a book and a light to read it by.

Peter Hubbard

#20. Grace and remembrance be to you both.

William Shakespeare

#21. Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf.
Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene?
Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.

Scott Adams

#22. Then there's education. Do you know what the unemployment rate is for engineers? It is nearly zero. Do you know how many engineers like their jobs? Most of them do, despite what you read in Dilbert comics.

Scott Adams

#23. If you asked me if I'd rather make love to you, or have my balls cut out with the spine of a fish, I'll tell you I'll have to get back to you. And after a day of deliberating, I'll probably tell you the fish, provided it's salmon and I can eat it first.

Jarod Kintz

#24. Photography is simply a function of noticing things.

Elliott Erwitt

#25. The female body was designed as a source of pleasure, fertility, movement, strength and wellbeing.

Christiane Northrup

#26. Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.

Scott Adams

#27. Lately ... the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Scott Adams

#28. I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

Scott Adams

#29. Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes ... no, wait ...

Scott Adams