Roasts Quotes

#1. When I watch roasts, I actually feel physically uncomfortable, like when I see a crow feast on a squirrel that has been hit by a car buy has not stopped moving yet.

Mindy Kaling

#2. When I first started doing these roasts in the mid '90s, they were a lost art, like jousting or calligraphy. But I feel like roasts help tame the room and let off steam ... It's like it's all being handled by professionals.

Jeff Ross

#3. Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

Gracie Allen

#4. Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

Finley Peter Dunne

#5. I hate being mean. I watch those roasts on Comedy Central and they make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Julie Brown

#6. Some people love Sundays; I don't, particularly. I used to rather dread them when I was younger. I was brought up on Sunday roasts, which I've always loathed. If I didn't finish my meat, I had to sit with it for most of the afternoon. No wonder I'm a vegetarian now.

Celia Imrie

#7. God simply faded into the background like our toys, into the distant past. And the memories of Sunday roasts with pudding and custard.

Abigail George

#8. The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.

Gilbert Gottfried

#9. With roasting, you've really got to bring your A-game. I hate to admit it, but I probably think and obsess more about the roasts than my own series. Because there's so much attention focused on the roasts. It's like the 'Super Bowl' of comedy. Everybody is going to talk about it. Forever.

Jeff Ross

#10. Most of my food memories are of my Nan cooking Sunday dinners - roasts of meat with lots of vegetables. I suppose I cook what's comforting and dishes that make me feel good.

April Bloomfield

#11. There is no hell. The Witnesses believe hell is a mistranslation of Gehenna, which was an ancient garbage dump. They say that nonbelievers simply die at Armageddon, rather than being thrown into an inferno. "How can you have a kind and loving God who also roasts people?" he asks. I

A. J. Jacobs

#12. That's one of the things my family miss most when I'm travelling - my Sunday roasts and my Japanese meals.

Jade Jagger

#13. I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted.

Greg Behrendt

#14. We have got too many kids around the house to have a romantic meal at home. But Danielle is a fantastic cook. She does a brilliant lasagne, great roasts and a great chilli dish. She knows the way to my heart.

Gary Lineker

#15. I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the 'Comedy Central Roasts' for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

Whitney Cummings

#16. When you're looking around for metaphor or simile, I do think it's often helpful to keep inside the world of the book, to gather your comparisons from the stuff particular to that world - be they king salmon and aviation fuel, or pot roasts and spatulas.

Leigh Newman

#17. Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny.

Seth Green

#18. A priest friend of mine has cautioned me away from the standard God of our childhoods, who loves you and guides you and then, if you are bad, roasts you: God as a high school principal in a gray suit who never remembered your name but is always leafing unhappily through your files.

Anne Lamott

#19. My blood roasts my veins at her thinly-veiled insinuations.

Adriana Locke

#20. When Kieran turned to face him, Nathan said, 'Who says roasts are only for Sundays, eh?

Michael Obiora

#21. No church group that knows spiritual warfare has wiener roasts or even passion plays. There is a real warfare. I have said before that we are an arrogant, self-styled bunch of believers. We "believe" to the point of inconvenience - and then quit.

Leonard Ravenhill

#22. But as far as my work is concerned, I see no impediment, and various advantages, to being deaf.

Stephanie Beacham

#23. Believe the terrain, not the map

Brian Kernighan

#24. The books, raped and rummaged of their dignity, lay in heaps on the floor.

Ruta Sepetys

#25. Past and future are in the mind only - I am now.

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

#26. We pledge to fight the dark forces high in the counsels of the Republican Party which have made political capital out of the techniques of character assassination by innuendo.

Emanuel Celler

#27. The people have spoken, but it will take a while to determine exactly what they said.

William J. Clinton

#28. This time I join him, and our voices drift together across the sleeping town. When

Jennifer Niven

#29. I have learned that the things that divide us are far less important than those that connect us.

RachelNaomi Remen

#30. It is our sacred duty to transmit unimpaired to our posterity the blessings of liberty which were bequeathed to us by the founders of the Republic.

Andrew Johnson

#31. Got to build that business base and then you can fund all the things people want: education, health care, strong law enforcement, roads, bridges, infrastructure - all those things flow from that economic base.

John Hoeven

#32. Dear Sir, I'll gie ye some advice,
You'll tak it no uncivil:
You shouldna paint at angels, man,
But try and paint the Devil.

To paint an angel's kittle wark,
Wi' Nick there's little danger;
You'll easy draw a lang-kent face,
But no sae weel a stranger.

Robert Burns

#33. The problem was that Simon did not know how to pack like a badass.

Cassandra Clare

#34. You can certainly go to war about it, but to me it seems pointless.

Joy Browne

#35. Everyone is pretty enough in the dark,"
she whispered.
"No, they are not." He kissed her before
pulling back abruptly, willing himself to stop.

Sylvain Reynard

#36. When things are difficult, you have to be sure of who you are and what you want to achieve.

Gordon Brown