Top 100 A. J. Jacobs Quotes
#1. Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That's a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can't really explain why.
A. J. Jacobs
#2. A loud noise will get your fight-or-flight response going. This, over the years, can cause real cardiovascular damage.
A. J. Jacobs
#3. Patternicity is the idea that humans are really talented at finding nonexistent patterns in random noise.
A. J. Jacobs
#4. What seems terrible at first may turn out to be a great thing. You can't predict.
A. J. Jacobs
#5. When I went to Israel, it was a little disorienting, because there are so many people who look crazy and were dressed like me. There, I was just one of the apocalyptic crowd.
A. J. Jacobs
#6. I thought that religion, for all the good it does, seemed too risky for our modern world.
A. J. Jacobs
#7. will try to find the original intent of the biblical rule or teaching and follow that to the letter.
A. J. Jacobs
#8. It's joyous," he says. "If I save someone from breaking a commandment, it gives me a little high." He pumps his fist. "I never took drugs, but I imagine this is what it feels like.
A. J. Jacobs
#9. I know the name of Turkey's leading avant-guard publication. I know that John Quincy Adams married for money. I know that Bud Abbott was a double-crosser, that absentee ballots are very popular in Ireland, and that dwarves have prominent buttocks.
A. J. Jacobs
#10. I love it when the Bible gives Emily Post-like tips that are both wise and easy to follow.
A. J. Jacobs
#11. Ezekiel and his fellow prophets have become my heroes. They were fearless. They literalized metaphors. They turned their lives into protest pieces. They proved that, in the name of truth, sometimes you can't be afraid to take a left turn from polite society and look absurd.
A. J. Jacobs
#12. For most of my life, I've been working under the paradigm that my behavior should, ideally, have a logical basis. But if you live biblically, this is not true. I have to adjust my brain to this. You
A. J. Jacobs
#13. Your next action could change the world, so make it a good one.
A. J. Jacobs
#14. I have to say, passive aggression gets a bad rap these days. It may not be appropriate in all occasions, but it's a lot better than aggressive aggression.
A. J. Jacobs
#15. Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?
A. J. Jacobs
#16. This is what the Sabbath should feel like. A pause. Not just a minor pause, but a major pause. Not just lowering the volume, but a muting. As the famous rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel put it, the Sabbath is a sanctuary in time.
A. J. Jacobs
#17. I don't believe that prayers actually change God's mind - if there is a God - but I liked praying for people in need. It was like moral weightlifting. I tend to be self-obsessed, and it was nice to get out of my brain once in a while.
A. J. Jacobs
#18. The Bible talks a lot about thankfulness, and I'm more thankful than I ever was. I try to concentrate on the hundreds of things that go right in a day, instead of the three or four that go wrong.
A. J. Jacobs
#19. As I was passing this man on the street, he looked at me, snarled, and gave me the finger. What was going through his mind? Does he hate shepherds? Or religion? Did he just read Richard Dawkins's book?
A. J. Jacobs
#20. Probably 90 percent of our life decisions are powered by the twin engines of inertia and laziness.
A. J. Jacobs
#21. Unconditional love is an illogical notion, but such a great and powerful one.
A. J. Jacobs
#22. Studies show that even regular gym-going can't fully undo the harm of sitting. So my plan is to tear down the wall between exercise and life. I've started doing what I call guerrilla exercise - or what my friend calls contextual exercise. I squeeze physical activity into every nook in my day.
A. J. Jacobs
#23. I'm not a big scatology fan, unlike my sons, who can amuse themselves for an entire afternoon by repeating the phrase 'crocodile fart.' So I'll spare you from an overabundance of detail in this chapter. This chapter will be somewhat soft focus, like the TV camera in a Barbra Streisand interview.
A. J. Jacobs
#24. I had been avoiding the D-word. But the kids cut right to it. My boys are well aware of death. My twins finish every story they make up with the same phrase: "Then everyone died. The end.
A. J. Jacobs
#25. The Bible is so strange, so utterly bizarre, no human brain could have come up with it.
A. J. Jacobs
#26. Like God and Duane Reade drugstores, toxins are everywhere.
A. J. Jacobs
#27. It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're walking around looking like you're about to play the semifinals at Wimbledon.
A. J. Jacobs
#28. I've rarely said the word "Lord," unless it's followed by "of the Rings.
A. J. Jacobs
#29. I was what they call 'skinny fat' - a body that resembled a python after swallowing a goat.
A. J. Jacobs
#31. Reading Encyclopaedia Britannica is like channel surfing on a very highbrow cable system.
A. J. Jacobs
#32. Remember, sometimes you have to look beyond the weirdness. It's like the temple in ancient Jerusalem. If you went there, you'd see oxen being slaughtered and all sorts of things. But look beyond the weirdness, to what it means.
A. J. Jacobs
#33. Why should we always try to be true to our natural selves? What if our natural selves are assholes? Stalin was true to himself
A. J. Jacobs
#34. Mormons were the first settlers. Not sure Joseph Smith would approve of today's topless showgirls and liquor. Though he would like the volcano at the Mirage. Everybody likes the volcano.
A. J. Jacobs
#35. Giulia Melucci has written a wonderfully funny and moving book. It's like Eat, Pray, Love, with recipes.
A. J. Jacobs
#36. I was very good at sitting. But I just read so much research about how horrible sitting is for you. It's like, it's really bad. It's like Paula-Deen-glazed-bacon-doughnut bad. So I now move around as much as possible.
A. J. Jacobs
#37. I tried the paleo diet, which is the caveman diet - lots of meat. And I tried the calorie restriction diet: The idea is that if you eat very, very little - if you're on the verge of starvation, you will live a very long time, whether or not you want to, of course.
A. J. Jacobs
#38. The pedometer doesn't just spur us to move, though it certainly does that. It changes the way we think about movement. What was once a chore becomes a game.
A. J. Jacobs
#39. The best we can do, to paraphrase Pollan, is to eat whole foods, mostly plants, and not too much.
A. J. Jacobs
#40. I'm all for cafeteria religion. I think there's nothing wrong with cafeterias - I've had some great meals at cafeterias. I've also had some horrible meals, so it's important to pick the right things. Take a heaping helping of compassion and mercy, and leave the intolerance on the table.
A. J. Jacobs
#41. I'm addicted to self-improvement. The thing is, there's so damn much about myself to improve.
A. J. Jacobs
#42. I know that knowledge and intelligence are not the same thing - but they do live in the same neighborhood. I know once again, firsthand, the joy of learning.
A. J. Jacobs
#43. I know that history is simultaneously a bloody mess and a collection of feats so inspiring and amazing they make you proud to share the same DNA structure with the rest of humanity. I know you'd better focus on the good stuff or you're screwed.
A. J. Jacobs
#44. So, if weight loss is your goal, and you have impressive self-control, raw food is something to consider.
A. J. Jacobs
#45. Which just goes to prove. Not everybody can be Herman Cappachino. Whatever that means.
A. J. Jacobs
#46. I don't think I'm in the position to bestow legitimacy on anyone.
A. J. Jacobs
#47. Step back for a minute. Pretend you're from Mars. From a coldly rational point of view, pedestrian helmets aren't a crazy idea.
A. J. Jacobs
#48. Pain is annoying and unnecessary, like getting an e-mail in all caps. It's like a six-year-old who alerts you every fifteen seconds that he wants Hungry Hungry Hippos for his birthday. Yes, I understand. Message received.
A. J. Jacobs
#49. There is no hell. The Witnesses believe hell is a mistranslation of Gehenna, which was an ancient garbage dump. They say that nonbelievers simply die at Armageddon, rather than being thrown into an inferno. "How can you have a kind and loving God who also roasts people?" he asks. I
A. J. Jacobs
#50. I'm hungry enough that I started to salivate at the sight of lettuce. I repeat: lettuce.
A. J. Jacobs
#51. Med students panic their first year when they learn all the diseases. It's not until the second year that they learn the cures.
A. J. Jacobs
#52. It's a different way of looking at the world. Your life isn't about rights. It's about responsibilities.
Mr Bill Berkowitz
A. J. Jacobs
#53. Back pain is the single most common reason people visit the doctor.
A. J. Jacobs
#54. My growing collection of facts keeps overlapping with my life.
A. J. Jacobs
#55. On the bright side, my slightly lower IQ means that I probably have worse recall. Maybe I'll soon forget that I have a depressed IQ.
A. J. Jacobs
#56. The key is to pump up your righteous anger and mute your petty resentment. I'll be happy if I can get that balance to fifty-fifty.
A. J. Jacobs
#57. After a while, if you're committed, you start to believe in the things in which you're praying. It's just cognitive dissonance. You can't live a completely religious life and not start to have it sink in.
A. J. Jacobs
#58. I prefer the earlier birth control techniques, which ranged from the delicious (using honey as a spermicide) to the aerobic (jumping backward seven times after coitus).
A. J. Jacobs
#59. After decimating several vegetables, I decide juicing is my favorite form of food preparation. There's something perversely appealing about subjecting an innocent plant to that much violence.
A. J. Jacobs
#60. I love the way he talks. By the end, perhaps I'll be able to speak in majestic food metaphors like Reverend Richards.
A. J. Jacobs
#61. I thought religion would eventually wither away and we'd all be worshiping at the altar of science.
A. J. Jacobs
#62. You tell them you have a hunger and a thirst. You don't sit at the same table but you have a hunger and a thirst.
A. J. Jacobs
#63. The dehydrator blows warm air on your food for hours, sometimes days. It reminds me of the temperature and intensity of dog's breath. So imagine a German shepherd exhaling on your fruit for a weekend.
A. J. Jacobs
#64. My immune system has always been overly welcoming of germs. It's far too polite, the biological equivalent of a southern hostess inviting y'all nice microbes to stay awhile and have some artichoke dip.
A. J. Jacobs
#65. It comes back to the old question: How can the Bible be so wise in some places and so barbaric in others? And why should we put any faith in a book that includes such brutality?
A. J. Jacobs
#66. G-rated language is making me a less angry person. Behavior shapes emotion.
A. J. Jacobs
#67. The Bible improved my ethical IQ. I started to act like a good person. I tried not to gossip, and lie, and covet, and just by pretending I was a good person, I think I actually became a little bit better of a person. I'm not Gandhi or Angelina Jolie, but it was a baby step.
A. J. Jacobs
#68. If ever I was going to listen to a string of swearwords sitting next to a ninety-four-year-old, I'm glad that ninety-four-year-old was my grandfather. Not that he swears a lot. It's just that he can take it. And, he is currently laughing so hard that his eyes are watery.
A. J. Jacobs
#69. How do you gag the voice in your head that says, 'You don't have to go to the gym today. There's always tomorrow. C'mon, my friend, it's just one plate of curly fries. Yes, just for you!' (My inner voice reminds me of a particularly aggressive rug salesman at a Turkish bazaar.)
A. J. Jacobs
#70. Maybe taming my tongue will be good for me in the end. But it's pretty hard when you've got a world filled with idiots from Drunkopolis.
A. J. Jacobs
#71. Greenberg tells me, "Never blame a text from the Bible for your behavior. It's irresponsible. Anybody who says X, Y, and Z is in the Bible - it's as if one says, 'I have no role in evaluating this.'" The
A. J. Jacobs
#72. I believe that's a key motivation to creationism: the need to feel less inconsequential.
A. J. Jacobs
#73. There's a beauty to forgiveness, especially forgiveness that goes beyond rationality. Unconditional love is an illogical notion, but such a great & powerful one
A. J. Jacobs
#74. The key to making healthy decisions is to respect your future self. Honor him or her. Treat him or her like you would treat a friend or a loved one.
A. J. Jacobs
#75. The MRI has a repertoire of noises that resemble, in no particular order: a game-show buzzer for a wrong answer, urgent knocking, a modem from 1992, a grizzly-bear growl, and a man with a raspy voice shouting what sounds like "mother cooler!
A. J. Jacobs
#76. I've started to look at life differently. When you're thanking God for every little you - every meal, every time you wake up, every time you take a sip of water - you can't help but be more thankful for life itself, for the unlikely and miraculous fact that you exist at all.
A. J. Jacobs
#77. My goal? To test out every diet and exercise regimen on planet earth and figure out which work best. I sweated, I cooked, I learned to pole dance. In the end, I lost weight, lowered my cholesterol and doubled my energy level. I feel better than I ever have.
A. J. Jacobs
#78. How much fiber should I be getting? A huge amount. The Institute of Medicine says thirty grams a day. Which is a challenge. An apple - one of the most high-fiber foods - has only three grams of fiber.
A. J. Jacobs
#79. I thought religion would make me live with my head in the clouds, but as often as not, it grounds me in this world.
A. J. Jacobs
#80. Huh. I'm not sure how to respond to this. Is Alex Trebek black? He sure doesn't look black. He looks pretty white to me. He looks like the quintessence, the very incarnation, of whiteness.
A. J. Jacobs
#81. I like uncovering the cultural prejudices I didn't even know.
A. J. Jacobs
#82. As grandma said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all
A. J. Jacobs
#83. I love this one in A. J. Jacobs "The Year of Living Bibically". Jacobs has a Jewish friend living in Wisconsin who tells Jacobs the Jews there refer to themselves as "the frozen chosen".
A. J. Jacobs
#84. I know that you should always say yes to adventures or you'll lead a very dull life.
A. J. Jacobs
#85. I found myself speaking more slowly (in an attempt to obey the Bible in speech), as if I was speaking French instead of English.
A. J. Jacobs
#86. I can't help but notice that you keep writing love poetry to my wife. Well, you see, I married her, which makes her my wife. You know what you might want to try? Writing some poems about the sunset. The sunset isn't fucking married.
A. J. Jacobs
#87. The strange fact that out of millions of people in the world, your mother and father met and decided to get married to each other. And out of the millions of sperm, that the one with your genes was the one that made it to the egg and fertilised the egg. I'll never forget it.
A. J. Jacobs
#88. I always thought the name of Utah's major newspaper was some sort of weird misspelling of the word "desert." But no, Deseret is the "land of the honeybee," according to the Book of Mormon. I guess I should have figured they would have caught a typo in the masthead after 154 years.
A. J. Jacobs
#89. Etruscans sometimes wrote boustrophedon style, in which the direction of writing alternates with each line - right-to-left, then left-to-right. Brilliant! The eye doesn't waste time trekking back to the left side of the page after every line.
A. J. Jacobs
#90. More people die on a per mile basis from drunk walking than from drunk driving.
A. J. Jacobs
#91. Cigarettes' cost far outweigh any resulting trimness, just as asphyxiation outweighs the benefits of stretching out the spine when you hang yourself from a shower curtain rod.
A. J. Jacobs
#92. Sometimes miracles occur only when you jump in.
A. J. Jacobs
#93. The literal Greek translation is "school for naked exercise." Which made toweling off the stationary bike even more important.
A. J. Jacobs
#94. I have little shame, no dignity - all in the name of a better cause.
A. J. Jacobs
#95. In trying to avoid one sin I've committed another.
A. J. Jacobs
#96. I'm pissed at myself. I just spent forty-five minutes Googling my ex-girlfriends and ex-crushes. That's just information I don't need ... This is an unhealthy addiction ... a waste of my time and brain space.
A. J. Jacobs
#97. Taking the Bible too literally is a mistake. It should be read as a guidebook of wisdom and insight.
A. J. Jacobs
#98. I know that you should eat a lot of the Indian spice turmeric, as it fights cancer. Also that you should avoid the Indian spice turmeric, as it might contain dangerous levels of lead. One or the other.
A. J. Jacobs
#99. A 2002 Oxford study showed counting sheep actually delays the onset of sleep. It's just too dull to stop us from worrying about jobs and spouses
A. J. Jacobs
#100. One of my biggest challenges is figuring out how to shoehorn my newfound knowledge into conversations.
A. J. Jacobs
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